Dismiss Notice

Psst... Ready to join TalkBass and start posting, make new friends, sell your gear, and more?  Register your free account in 30 seconds.

TB vs. "the real world"

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by secretdonkey, Sep 26, 2003.


  1. secretdonkey

    secretdonkey

    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Hey, just noticed that I'm about to hit a thousand posts, so I figured I'd make this one count, with a tongue-in-cheek tribute to TB. This place really has opened my eyes to a bigger world of bass playing than my smallish city in middle America could ever hope to. Hats off to TB! Maybe other folks will have some "TB vs. the real world" comparisons to share, themselves...

    * On TB, collections of singlecut Foderas or seven string Conklins are quite the norm...
    * In the real world, the absolute coolest bass you can find down at your local music store is a used Stingray.

    * On TB, guys learn how to play Teen Town backwards before they can grow a proper beard.
    * In the real world, playing the instrumental break in Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone" down at the pub&grub represents an impressive bass solo (repetitive 3 note pattern).

    * On TB, chances are you see yourself as a pretty humble, meat-and-potatoes kinda player.
    * In the real world, you grumble because there's hardly any musicians around your scene worth wasting your time on.

    * On TB, being a "professional" means that you are a serious, respected player with exceptional dedication to the craft.
    * In the real world, being a "professional" means you live with your girlfriend and will jump on a $50 gig playing the likes of "brown eyed girl" like it was a hottie with her ankles tucked behind her neck.

    * On TB, most musicians are intelligent, sober and focused.
    * In the real world, people are highly suspicious of any musician that appears to be intelligent, sober and focused.

    ...and so on. How about some other comparisons?

    :D :D :D
     
  2. Bryan R. Tyler

    Bryan R. Tyler TalkBass: Usurping My Practice Time Since 2002 Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2002
    Connecticut
    That's pretty good :D Not exactly listed like yours is, but I had to go into a local music store to buy a single guitar stand even though I'd gotten a three-guitar holder the day before. I tell the guy "Yeah, I need this because the other one wouldn't fit the neck of my seven-string bass." The guy responds, "You mean six string", then called me crazy when I reaffirmed that I was correct in knowing how many strings my own bass had.
     
  3. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    On TB no one laughs when you tell them your bass is 40 years old.

    In the real world, when you open the case ... demons come shrieking out.

    On TB, no one is fazed if you tell them you have never read anything on the TABZ forum.

    In the real world, all tabz are correct.

    On TB you can put up stupid pictures ridiculing your friend's cloven hooves.

    In the real world, dental surgery might be required.

    :p
     
  4. metron

    metron Fluffy does not agree

    Sep 12, 2003
    Lakewood Colorado
    secretdonkey... i dont have anything specific but your post was hilarious! whats a secretdonkey anyhow? does it have something to do with the shades? :D
     
  5. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Terrific Post Secret Donkey.

    Metron, to learn the truth go here:
    http://www.secretdonkey.com/
     
  6. metron

    metron Fluffy does not agree

    Sep 12, 2003
    Lakewood Colorado
    P aaron: that link is profound and insightful! :D
     
  7. Melf

    Melf

    Mar 20, 2003
    Starkville, MS
    -On Talkbass, men complain about getting a bad g string, and receive good advice.

    *In the real world, men complain about getting a bad g string, and are vilified from then on.

    -On Talkbass, fellow musicians can talk about theory.

    *In the real world, "therry is 4 knowitalls1!"

    -On Talkbass, people understand what the bass clef on the shirt means.

    *In the real world, it gets mistaken four or five times a day for some type of fishing lure.(No joke! Maybe it's because I'm in the deep south:D)

    -On Talkbass, it's funny(ok, maybe not any more :oops:) to say, "Jaco only needed 4 strings."

    *In the real world, people say "Who the hell is Jaco, and why does he need strings?"
     
  8. secretdonkey

    secretdonkey

    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
  9. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    toms_river.nj.us
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    :(

    *ON TB: Bassists are the coolest MoFo's to grace the musical canvas

    -IN the REAL World: you're the guy that play's that "other" guitar
     
  10. *On TB you are highly respected for your love of Mark Hoppus

    ~In the real world, people tell you to listen to real music such as KoRn!

    uh , wait.. :oops: :(

    :D
     
  11. these are awsome and so true
     
  12. megiddo

    megiddo

    Apr 5, 2003
    Houston, Texas
    On TB you ask for a lead on where to find a manual for a Boss pedal and ConU sends one to you from Canada at his expense. :D

    In the real world the guy at the Mega Music Store says "call Boss" when he could walk to the back of the store and make you a copy in five minutes. :mad:
     
  13. In TB, no one laughs at you if you have 4 different kinds of basses.

    In the real world, people think you're just wasting money because "They all sound the same"
    -----------------------

    In TB, no one here is criticised on their age, race, height, weight, or disablilties

    In the real world, you get approached by a guy after your school's Jazz Band's concert saying "You play really well for a 14 year old".
    --------------------------
    In TB, no one laughes at you for going for your tone.

    In the real world, people say, again, your just blowing money because "All you hear is "boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom" "
    -----------------------------
    In TB, no one ever confuses a guitar with a bass.


    In the real world, I take out my bass to practice my scales while waiting for the bus, and I instantaniusly hear "Why does your guitar have 4 strings?"
    -------------------------------
    In TB, the best compliment you'll ever get is "Wow, that was great. You have very nice tone, and you're very melodic in your lines and solos, great job!"


    In the real world, the best compliment you'll get from the general public is, "That was great, I could hear you a couple of times when the rest of the band wasn't playing!"
    ------------------------------
    In TB, No one will say that someone isn't a real bass player because they play through effects, or with a pick.


    In the real world "Why do you play with a pick? You can't go as fast as you would with fingers." or "Why play through effects? All the tones you want are in your hands".
    --------------------------
    In TB, it's so common for someone to play a 5 string, no one has that "5 string prejudice" other people have


    In the real world "If you really needed that 5th string, why not go higher, so you'll be more like a guitarist?" (Said the man who thought he knew everything after coming up to me after a school concert)





    hey, this is fun!
     
  14. Figjam

    Figjam

    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    On TB i dont get made fun of for playing bass. (guitarist friend always says "1-4-1-4-1-4" whnever he sees me bc he thinks thats all bassists play)


    In real world.. yeaa, see above.
     
  15. on TB, mention Teentown and people say "ah...Jaco - he was the man", and go into detail about his bass and amp setup.

    in the real world, mention Teentown, and people say, "man, you really should stay off those pornsites"......
     
  16. furiously funky

    furiously funky Guest

    Dec 28, 2002
    Toronto
    on tb: people care if you bought a particularly nice, (or even just new to you) instrument.
    in the real world: "what was wrong with that other one you had before? you still have it? why?"
     
  17. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    -On talkbass, people who don't know notes talk in tabs.

    *In real life... oh wait, the same thing happens. Ever have a guitarist say, "Play 1 3 7 and 4 on the fattest string" :rolleyes: If you have, get the hell away from them.

    -On talkbass, you can't talk about bassists.

    *In real life, you get, "Who?" or "Oh I though he played guitar."

    -On talkbass, I'm a talkative young man that everyone loves (humor me).

    *In real life, I never talk to anyone but my friends, i'm very antisocial.
     
  18. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    On TB, nobody knows what a Chapman Stick or a Warr guitar is.

    In the real world, nobody knows what a Chapman Stick or a Warr guitar is.
    -----

    On TB, nobody cares about my band.

    In the real world, nobody cares about my band.
    -----

    I'm going to stop there; this could get depressing fast.:meh:
     
  19. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    On TB you can talk about your lovelife in the
    Butch Lindfailed's 'Love Advice For Lovelorn Bassistorists column, a TB pro column in Off Topic, Bass Guitar;
    In reality, nobody else cares ...

    On TB, Clandestine@ss can put up his 3 year old website and we are amused;
    In reality, they would think he's not a Donkey but an '@ss'.:D ;)

    * Ducks as the WebPaeons Of Mass Distortion Are Launched In Belowmont Tex@rSe...*

    Hey, Donk, i luv u, man ....!
    :eek: :D