Thank I am done playing (for now)

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by dazzzed78, Jul 10, 2013.

  1. Well 6-14-13 my wife of 10 years suddenly passed away at the age of 31. We have 2 boys ages 4 and 6. I do not see how it is possible to continue to play music in my spare time. I would love to hear if there are other single parents out there who have or can manage both being a single parent and music. Right now I think I am done. My boys come first! :help:
  2. jchrisk1


    Nov 15, 2009
    Northern MI
    Sorry for your loss. Very sad. Hope your kids are taking it okay.

    Maybe, with time, you will feel compelled to pick it up again. But, if you don't, not a big deal. Your kids are way more important and they need you. Stay strong for them. I wish you the best.
  3. GlennW

    GlennW Inactive

    Sep 6, 2006
    I'm so sorry. Best wishes to you and your sons.
  4. QweziRider

    QweziRider Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2008
    Northern Nevada, U.S.
    I am so sorry for your loss. It's heart breaking to read.

    As for the boys versus music, you're right, they simply must come first at this time. Even in a two parent situation, with them that young, music is difficult at best (for me it certainly was when my two were that young). As time goes by and they get older (mine are now 9 and 13), you may find the ability to again branch out and take up playing live. While not single, I have found that they have grown more independent of me and I have a bit of a support system of a couple people who can watch them in emergencies where I have to play and my wife may still be working.

    There's not a thing in the world wrong with re-prioritizing now, taking a step back, and doing what is most important (your babies' care). Know that, if you want it to be so, there will come a time where music can again fit back into your life and you'll lose nothing for taking this time now.
  5. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Inactive

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    I can't even find the words. Sorry man.

    Take a break and get your head together. You and your boys can help each other through this.

    When you are ready, PM me. I grew up playing around your area. I still have friends up that way. Maybe some of them can hook you up with a part time band. And I do fill-in stuff all the time. If I'm available I will sit in for you if you need a night off. I still have lots of family around Lake Gaston so I get up there a lot anyway. Hell if I were closer I would even share a gig with you and watch your boys when it's your turn. But I'm a little far south for that these days.

    But all that stuff is for later.

    Either of luck and keep on keepin on.
  6. Condolences.

    Keep practicing if you possibly can.
  7. Einherjar


    Dec 1, 2012
    Lakewood, CO
    Can't even imagine what you're going through right now. Best of luck. You may have to quit playing live for a while, but don't quit playing. I, personally, find it extremely therapeutic and even just sitting around jamming to a recording or writing something can be very helpful for working through those tougher emotions. It's good for the soul. Hang in there man.
  8. I'm not going to stop playing my 6 year old loves playing drums and can keep a basic beat so I got a jam partner and my 4 year old try's to play his micro bass. So the music will not stop just my priorities.
  9. Hues


    Nov 27, 2012
    You're right....Now is the time to reconstruct your world.

    Small moments will present themselves in time.You'll pick it up and play whatever is in you to play....Put it back down and go on taking care of your new life with your family and friends.

    And more and more moments will present themselves and your boys will love watching you play.
  10. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    So sorry for your loss.

    Since music brings your family together I suggest keep doing that as much as you can.

    As a dad with an 35 y.o. "kid", I know your kids will love (and need) the attention and the bonds you form will never be broken.

    Best wishes to you and your family.
  11. jerrod


    Mar 8, 2011
    My condolences to you and your family. The loss is unimaginable.

    Regarding playing I suffered a serious hand injury and didn't play at all for close to a decade. When things lined back up the bass was waiting for me. It was the sudden loss of both my parents that brought me back. When you're ready it will be there for you too.

    Take care
  12. JakeF


    Apr 3, 2012
    You are in a situation no one here understands.

    That includes those of us who have been through it before. Their are a lot of details in your life we don't know.

    As for the music, seriously chew on this. If you want your sons to pursue their dreams, let them see you pursuing your own! You may have to in a compromised form, but show them the importance of pursuing your dreams even when facing adversity. Self-sacrifice is important, simultaneously, you can only do it so well if you don't take care of yourself.

    Sure, you may not be able to REALLY do it, but do something. Let them learn from your behavior.

    You should take at least a few months to heal before this :).
  13. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Priorities, I imagine, will dictate your new way. Give it time.
  14. Octaves


    Jun 22, 2012
    Hey, I'm sorry for your loss too. These things can take a while to get through, but one day, when the times right, I hope you return to music. For now, you need to look after yourself and your children. I hope you're okay..
  15. Flyingfrets


    Dec 25, 2011
    Heartfelt condolences to you & your family.

    I was a single parent (court-ordered due to the ex's addiction problems). Music was on hold almost 10 years. Still there when I went back.

    Do what you have to do for you & the boys.

    Wish you all the best...
  16. MarcTheRogue


    Mar 27, 2013
    I am horribly sorry for your loss, friend. I know that it can be tough, but you have to remember to focus on the most important thing in your life. Right now, it would definitely be getting the kids to be something that you would be absolutely proud of. Heck, when they reach their teen years, maybe ol' pops can teach them a few tricks of the trade in bassology. Right now, you have the greatest opportunity to be the best father to two deserving, beautiful children. Please, stay strong.

    Peace, love, and condolences to you and your family.
  17. Bassdirty


    Jul 23, 2010
    Oh My..
    sorry for your loss.

    hang in there. and maybe keep long as you enjoy it.
  18. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather

    Damn dude! Sorry for your loss. My condolances! Family comes first! When the kids get older and can take care of themselves, you'll find the time to get back into things!

    Take care!
  19. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through, my sincerest condolences to you and your kids.

    Gigging may have to take a backseat, but music can still be a part of yours and your children's lives. My 3 and almost 1 year old love when I play for them... it will possibly be therapeutic for you and them both.

    Also, I was a single parent for about a year after my older son's mom and I split. I still managed to gig once in a while getting a baby-sitter. But having 2 of them to look after will definitely be a challenge.

    I hope you have a good support system of family and friends. My thoughts are with you man.

    edit: just saw this:

    That's awesome - keep on with that, it'll help you all! Good luck, and my sympathies again.
  20. bongostealth

    bongostealth Supporting Member

    Jun 3, 2011
    Atlanta, GA
    Wow. Life hits hard. Like everyone else here, I am extremely sorry for your loss. But you are still here on this Earth, thus you still have an unfulfilled purpose to complete. You and your family are in my prayers.

    Perhaps when you get everything sorted out, you will have some time to play. Even if it's not gigging, music in general can be your outlet. Everyone needs an outlet. Especially after a time like this. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if being a bass player is part of who you are because it's what you like to do, then don't let this cause you to lose who you are.