The fat lazy sister....

People who don't earn your respect don't deserve it. Age only makes it less excusable assuming she is of sound mental faculties. Hope your girls figures this situation out.

 

Threesome?

 

Reminds me of

 

Been there, done that! It's really a tough situation to be in but confronting one's demons is really the only way to move one's life forward.

Nothing you can do directly about the situation. I suggest you not confront the sister or express anything negative to her. This existed long before you came into the picture.

Your gf has to learn to set boundaries with her sister and stand by her decisions, even under emotional pressure. People only treat you how you let them. Why does your gf avoid conflict to the point that it's taking a toll on her life? And now yours?

Seems to me that your gf might be helped by some personal counseling and resolving the issues that keep her in that situation. What she's done so far hasn't worked. She has to change, her sister won't.

Good luck.

 

Please Read Maki's Sticky. Did school let out early this year?

 

You don't have to love or respect everyone. If you decide to take it further with your GF, set some exceedingly clear rules about the sister.

Hey, if she is fat & wants to live in cat vomit & risk having the utilities turned off - more power to her. It is her decision. As long as her dog doesn't whiz on your stuff (or your GF's stuff), let her self-destruct.

 

Who owns the house? If it's your GF, she needs to protect her investment and if it's their parents, they need to protect THEIR investment. The parents clearly allowed her to be whatever way she is and she seems to have serious problems with her self esteem. She may be OCD, too. Sounds like the online shopping is compulsive.

No, you're not wrong for not respecting her. For hating her, I'm not sure that's justified- disgust or strong dislike, maybe, but hate is pretty harsh.

 

Yep.

/thread

 

Are you dating the skinny active sister?

Oh, and pics or no fat lazy sister..

 

Are you sure she doesn't have some kind of mental deficiency/problem that her sister hasn't talked about to you? You could stir up a fiery hornets nest if you confront her and she feels she is doing this because it's her sister.

She could be complaining out of frustration, but still feel obligated to help her sister. There could also be a "childhood" event that screwed her up that her sister knows about but doesn't want to get into it. So many variables. She COULD just be lazy and filthy. It that is the case your girlfriend should come up with a plan, not you. It's not your sister or your house.

 

take the cat to the shelter,... N.O.W.!!!

that will easily alleviate one issue. next, collect as many Amazon deliveries as you can and give them to poor people. (Robin Hood if you will) when she is away, re-arrange her furniture and put a "Room For Rent" sign in the window.

(in other words, F with her head by any means possible)

 

Not rocket science.

Have a talk with her and see if she has the cojones to kick her sister out, once and for all. She might be afraid that it'll cause a rift in her relationship with her sister and possibly the family taking sides.

She might be incapable of confrontation and therefore just takes it.

Either way, she's the one who has to make the call. The only way I could see this working out in a way, would be if you & her get super serious and move in together, which would consequently maybe be perceived as OK by the sister and/or family that your g/f would want the house to herself for privacy reasons, at that point.

Either way, you can talk to her until you're blue in the face, but in the end, it's up to your g/f to take action. If she doesn't, honestly, you're getting mad at the wrong person...

 

You are playing with fire when it comes to inserting yourself into another family's issues. When it comes to sibling relationships, rationality is often not part of the equation, but familial loyalty often is. Opening the door to criticizing her relationship is a slippery slope to indirectly, and even directly criticizing her. Regardless of how 'justified' you may think you are, in my experience it's a rare thing that your feelings will end up doing anything but inserting a contentious wedge in your relationship.

I don't think it's wrong to let your gf know that you are pretty repulsed by her sister's obviously repulsively lifestyle, but the minute you include your gf in the equation you open the door to YOU becoming the thing she focuses her negative energy on instead of her sister, who she is obviously in denial about. You will become a convenient target for her misplaced aggression. I know... I've been there.

My (now wife's) brothers and sister are all real 'pieces of work' - and when we were dating, she even warned me that they were so. After meeting them, I offhandedly agreed with her at one point and suddenly she, who even warned me about how anti-social, strange, outright weird and even obnoxious, her siblings are suddenly was angry with ME for repeating to her a rather innocuous observation she made about them. It was clear that as obviously socially maladjusted they all are, it was NOT fair territory for me to tread. They are family... I am (was) a boyfriend. Family tends to come first even in the wrong ways.

 

I'm glad to say I'm not the least bit like this. A person has to earn that from me. Being related isn't a free pass to act like an a-hole and/or to get undeserved help... IMHO.

 

Remember, I didn't say it was rational. But it is what it is. If the OP's gf is as much of an enabler as she sounds, opening up criticisms about her relationship with her sister could be walking into a potential mine field.

I think he need's to consider this unfortunate reality so that he's not blindsided by it when he "tries to do the right thing". As obvious as "the right thing" might be to the rest of the word, it's clearly not on his gf's radar. True, she's 'upset' by her sister's lifestyle, but obviously not upset enough to deal with it. That is a sure sign that she's repressing some deep-seated issues. The fact that she's expressing some sense of concern is more than likely her fishing for a way to offload some of that resentment and anger. The boyfriend is a convenient target and all he needs to do is say what any normal person would about the sister's obvious deficiencies - and BOOM! Landmine.

 

That and I am sure she probably feels sorry for the fat sister, obviously alone, with a bladder challenged dog and barfy cat.

 

Have your GF find another place...either for herself, or if you're so inclined, with you. It's basically an eviction without calling it an eviction.

 

If things get serious with you and this girl, just remember: you marry her family too.