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The fine line between being interesting vs. being a pretentious bore...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Killed_by_Death, Jan 28, 2017.


  1. setting:
    group lunch in a Asian fusion restaurant

    guy next to me is going on about how he has been to 64 countries on 6 continents & how he only works 3 months of the year, so he's able to travel at his leisure

    apparently he's got some emerald chopsticks, but I'm not sure why he wouldn't bring them to an Asian restaurant

    keeping it low key seems to be a good idea, after witnessing how no one responds to mr. pretentiousness

    however, I got into a discussion with one couple about various bands & their live show, which seemed to totally shut the table down

    either everyone was hanging on our every word or they were secretly begging for us to shut up
    it started because of my Ramones t-shirt

    I'm kind of like Sheldon Cooper when it comes to picking up social cues, so how do you know when you've crossed the line from being an interesting person into being a pretentious braggart?


    Disclaimer: I'm trying to meet new people, as it seems drumming up old relationships around here has not come to fruition for me. Heck I even invited two of my old classmates today & they even RSVP'd, but then didn't show up. :(

    your incentive: if I can make some friends, I will probably leave the board
     
    murphy likes this.
  2. This is ghastly and horrific...

    Obviously you are not a pretentious bore because you have a conscience about it.

    It seems you CAN pick up on cues.

    A pretentious bore won't and will go on and on regardless.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
  3. BurnOut

    BurnOut It's The Billy Baloney Show Supporting Member

    Feb 1, 2015
    The Natti
    People love to talk about them. Ask about them and you are gold.
     
    JCooper, hrodbert696, Tari and 2 others like this.
  4. Ah yes, that I did. I asked the guy next to me if he got acclimated to eating stew at every meal on the Emerald Isle :roflmao:
    apparently he spent December in Ireland
     
    Immigrant and murphy like this.
  5. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    That is the key to social success. Even with a pretentious bore.

    Although I have one friend who does this to distraction and it's quite off-putting. Like everything, there's a balance.
     
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  6. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    Stay away from the "yes or no" questions - you could have asked: "what's the best stew you had on the Emerald Isle?" There's 10 minutes of conversation gold there!
     
    Immigrant, Tari, BurnOut and 2 others like this.
  7. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    I once dated a girl for three months without ever talking about myself. She never asked, I never offered. She told me 15 years later I was the best boyfriend she ever had.,...
     
  8. Why would you pander to a pretentious bore? He's going to blow hot air whether you pander or not.
     
  9. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    When people start ghosting you....you've probably crossed the line.
     
  10. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    I end up directing the conversation to my liking rather than listening to a pretentious ramble. It's like a game.
     
    BurnOut likes this.
  11. BurnOut

    BurnOut It's The Billy Baloney Show Supporting Member

    Feb 1, 2015
    The Natti
    That was a direct question requiring just an answer. You gotta be more general so they open up. Then ask about the stuff they be telling you. Find their passions and they'll go on and on.
     
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  12. Up to you, but I'd probably remove any comments that could be defined as political.

    I have no idea what that is. Remember, I am totally inept when it comes to social skills.

    TBH, I just wanted the windbag to know I'd been a few places as well, w/o sounding pretentious.
     
    murphy likes this.
  13. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Trying to go toe to toe with a windbag just makes you a windbag as well. There is no reason to compete with a braggart.

    Ghosting means disappearing without comment. Like your friends that bailed on lunch.
     
    Immigrant, DirtDog and murphy like this.
  14. murphy

    murphy

    May 5, 2004
    Toronto, Canada
    I just totally tune out and stop even trying to feign interest
     
    Immigrant and catcauphonic like this.
  15. BurnOut

    BurnOut It's The Billy Baloney Show Supporting Member

    Feb 1, 2015
    The Natti
    It ain't hard just takes practice. I'm like you dude, but if you ask them about themselves. They'll do the heavy lifting for you.
     
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  16. murphy

    murphy

    May 5, 2004
    Toronto, Canada
    Plus
    oh yeah...talk is cheap
    and more and more I realize people cannot be counted on for their commitments
     
    catcauphonic and Killed_by_Death like this.
  17. murphy

    murphy

    May 5, 2004
    Toronto, Canada
    If someone talks over me or doesn't repond to my comment, I will not compete...and just shut up at that point

    Especially when I know my point is right, valid, informative.helpful etc
     
  18. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    Hah - I just heard that term used in this context for the first time today, but it's something I've crafted to a fine art over the decades! I'm an "outgoing introvert" and if I'm in a social situation where I've had my fill and it's not undiplomatic to do so, I tend to quietly disappear...
     
    Atshen, seanm and murphy like this.
  19. Fleebag

    Fleebag Quacker!

    Sep 7, 2013
    Illinois USA
    I'm bit reclusive with a good bit of social anxiety myself, the best advice I've ever taken on being social is that the best way to be interesting is to be interested.
     
    Tari, murphy and Killed_by_Death like this.
  20. Don't feel bad about being loud. Ime I never met an American as quiet as he thought he was.
     
    murphy, JCooper and DiabolusInMusic like this.

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