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The Lady Kissing me in my Avatar

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by mellowinman, Jun 11, 2014.


  1. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    She is my cousin, Alexis. I have known her since she was a baby. She is closer to me than anyone in my family. When she was 16, her 14 year old brother was killed in a car crash, and her parents were out of town, so she had to go identify the body at the morgue. I can't even begin to tell you the things she's been through.

    At my father's memorial service, my wife didn't come with me, and Alexis is who I chose to sit with me, and she held my hand, and comforted me that day. She and her mom didn't hesitate to drive up to Minneapolis from Kansas City, and they were wonderful to my sister and I, and worked in the kitchen of the church, setting up the food; doing the dishes; when we would ask them if we could help, they would tell us to play host to our friends and other family members; if we stayed in the kitchen we would just be in their way.

    It was a tough day for me. My father had died; my mother was in a wheelchair, in a diaper, with dementia setting in, and cousins were arguing over taking her to the bathroom. Alexis was my rock that whole time. I can't begin to explain how much I love her.

    Tonight, she posted on facebook that her husband had a seizure, and died. Her husband of 11 years. My wife and I attended their wedding, and took photos. My sister is going to Kansas City to be there with her at the memorial service on Friday. I cannot make it. My Jeep is in the shop, and on Friday, I'm going to go down there and give them my whole paycheck to get it out. I spent a fortune on my trip to Minneapolis, and my prior trip to Florida; I don't know when I can raise the funds for gas, or a plane ticket.

    Alexis' mother told me don't worry about it; I can show more support by coming out later, so that, and the fact that my sister is getting her ass down there makes me feel a little better, but make no mistake: I am wracked with guilt that I can't just hop in the car and start driving RIGHT NOW.

    Why post something this personal on Talkbass OT?

    Why not?
     
  2. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    [​IMG]

    Alexis, in the church kitchen, at my dad's memorial.
     
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I want to help. Someone here helped me years ago when I was in a situation like yours. Check your inbox.

    -Mike
     
    Mike N likes this.
  4. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    I just got off the phone with Alexis. She is handling this well, and so is her mother. These women are amazing. They do not want me to come out right now. They have a lot of people coming from all over the place, and are a little overwhelmed. They feel it would do them even better to come on out to Fort Wayne in awhile, after all the madness dies down, and spend some time out here, and maybe even come see Dirty Lixx do a show.

    Mike, thanks for your awesome pm, and thanks to anyone who is thinking of us.
     
    Tom Bomb likes this.
  5. Tom Bomb

    Tom Bomb Supporting Member

    Apr 23, 2014
    Sending a little love your way. Alexis is a miracle. So sorry to hear of her loss.
    It's a great plan to hit Fort Wayne. That's a real blessing.

    Peace my friends.
     
  6. Sending good vibes and wishes to you and Alexis. That is a terrible tragedy, losing your spouse, or any loved one, out of the blue like that.
     
  7. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    Istanbul
    Exactly. I poured my heart out to TBOT a couple of times, all I got in return was the reaction a family would give.

    Sorry about Alexis, losing someone like that, I can't imagine. I hope she finds some piece after this is all over. RIP Alexis' husband.
     
  8. -Asdfgh-

    -Asdfgh-

    Apr 13, 2010
    UK
    Hang on in there, Mellowinman. And my thoughts are with you and your family.
     
  9. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    So sorry to hear about the situation, and I hope things work out to get there quickly. What's important is how tight and supportive you guys are for each other.

    Strange coincidence, I just got home from Kansas City.
     
  10. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    Bad things happen to good people. It's sad and inexplicable.
     
  11. ImNotJoel

    ImNotJoel

    Jan 12, 2014
    Connecticut
    It's good you and your cousin have each other. I'm sorry to hear this Mellowinman your family has gone through a lot. I wish you all the best and have you all in my thoughts. Alexis sounds like a woman of steel losing a spouse doesn't have words to describe it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
  12. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    This is a great place to pour out something like that. Very sorry for her,yours and the rest of the families loss. Everyone thinks they'll grow old together, not always so.:( This has been a rough year on you. You know when she might really want some help? When she needs to go through his stuff. But that might not be for quite a while, nobody should have to do that alone imo.
     
  13. Sorry for the lose Mellowinman may Alexis' husband RIP
     
  14. Funky Ghost

    Funky Ghost Translucently Groovy

    Your turn to be her rock. I think she's obviously in good hands. Positive vibes going your direction.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
  15. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Fort Worth, Texas
    First time I ever got tears in my eyes reading a TB post. So sorry to hear of your loss.
    Words only sooth, they cannot heal, but please know we will pray for you and Sunday I will light candles for Alexis, her husband, and your entire family.

    You comment about arguing over who would take your mother to the bathroom really hit home sad and hard. It is never easy to lose a loved one, but in my personal experience the greater pain is how the family behaves after a death. When my mother passed, it tore the family into two factions that still don't talk. I pray this doesn't happen for you.
    God bless you and keep you and may the Saints pray for you as well.
    GDD.
     
  16. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism Supporting Member

    If I like the post does it seem consoling or rude since I liked the fact he mentioned a death?

    Regardless, sending some good wishes your way Mellowinman.
     
  17. tangentmusic

    tangentmusic A figment of our exaggeration

    Aug 17, 2007
    Reno/Tahoe
    Mellowinman
    Just as the rest have offered their condolences, I offer mine as well.
    Hang in there during this rough time. As your cousin was there for you, I know you'll be there for her.
     
  18. Mysterion

    Mysterion

    Jan 10, 2012
    I'm so sorry for all y0u and yours are going through. Loss piled on loss is one of the hardest things we deal with.

    Feeling guilt after a loved one passes is pretty normal, however it manifests. You have always been there for Alexis, and you will continue to be. In fact, she may find it helpful to have someone to lean on who isn't physically present for all the ceremony and ritual. She may want to be reminded there's a world outside of her immediate tragedy. Whatever she needs, she knows she can rely on you and your spirit. You've been with her all her life--you'll be with her through this.

    I admire that you can reach out for support from an online community. Sometimes wearing one's heart on one's sleeve is the best way to heal its aches.
     
  19. tastybasslines

    tastybasslines Banned

    May 9, 2010
    Los Angeles, CA
    I'm sure you are hurting quite a bit. My heart sank for you. Condolences, my friend.
     
  20. Philonius

    Philonius Supporting Member

    Mar 22, 2009
    2k W of the Duwamsh
    100% of TB'ers send you positive vibes, the other 5% are just hopeless jerks. But seriously dude, sorry your going through so much hurt.
     

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