She is my cousin, Alexis. I have known her since she was a baby. She is closer to me than anyone in my family. When she was 16, her 14 year old brother was killed in a car crash, and her parents were out of town, so she had to go identify the body at the morgue. I can't even begin to tell you the things she's been through. At my father's memorial service, my wife didn't come with me, and Alexis is who I chose to sit with me, and she held my hand, and comforted me that day. She and her mom didn't hesitate to drive up to Minneapolis from Kansas City, and they were wonderful to my sister and I, and worked in the kitchen of the church, setting up the food; doing the dishes; when we would ask them if we could help, they would tell us to play host to our friends and other family members; if we stayed in the kitchen we would just be in their way. It was a tough day for me. My father had died; my mother was in a wheelchair, in a diaper, with dementia setting in, and cousins were arguing over taking her to the bathroom. Alexis was my rock that whole time. I can't begin to explain how much I love her. Tonight, she posted on facebook that her husband had a seizure, and died. Her husband of 11 years. My wife and I attended their wedding, and took photos. My sister is going to Kansas City to be there with her at the memorial service on Friday. I cannot make it. My Jeep is in the shop, and on Friday, I'm going to go down there and give them my whole paycheck to get it out. I spent a fortune on my trip to Minneapolis, and my prior trip to Florida; I don't know when I can raise the funds for gas, or a plane ticket. Alexis' mother told me don't worry about it; I can show more support by coming out later, so that, and the fact that my sister is getting her ass down there makes me feel a little better, but make no mistake: I am wracked with guilt that I can't just hop in the car and start driving RIGHT NOW. Why post something this personal on Talkbass OT? Why not?