1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  

The most selfish thing you can do.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by gustobassman, Oct 21, 2013.

  1. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    This past week has been rough. I lost my job, we had a car take a death crap, and worst of all, a former bandmate decided that he no longer needed to be with us.

    I went to the service tonight. It was pretty hard to do it. I recorded 2 albums with this guy, many tours, tons of good times. Probably the best trombone player i've ever seen or heard. Killed it.

    This is the most selfish thing i have ever seen anyone do. The amount of people that he could've called... his freakin kids for cryin out loud... it doesn't make sense to anyone. His poor family (families).... I need a drink. :bawl:
  2. Einherjar


    Dec 1, 2012
    Lakewood, CO
    Suicide is definitely the hardest thing to deal with. I've only lost one friend to it, back in highschool... He was 16 and idolized me, two years younger than I was. Still throws me for a loop a decade later. No one saw it coming, at all. So I know the pain. Every circumstance of dealing with things like this is different for everyone. But it's never easy. I don't know you at all, but if you want an objective third party to talk to, feel free to toss me a PM.
  3. Wow. Yeah, I don't think one can really grasp suicide if they've never been severely depressed... I don't get it, but I've never had it that bad I guess. Known a couple who did themselves in. Leaves some questions unanswered for sure
  4. Epidrake


    May 24, 2011
    So sorry for your loss. I agree that suicide is selfish. I think when people get to that point they really think they are doing everyone a favor. It's very tragic
  5. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    I found this out this last monday and have been debating even posting about it. The old group was there tonight.. we wiped some slates clean. Lots of good closure i guess. It just really sucked it took losing one of us to make it happen.
  6. handofseven

    handofseven Soaking up the cathode rays...

    Mar 23, 2010
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
    My sincere condolences for the loss of your friend. I can relate to how you feel, having had what I consider to be more than my fair share of experience... I've found that things get better once I get over my anger and sadness and bring myself to forgive them for what they've done. I don't think it's fair to hold people who take their own lives accountable for their actions. They are not in their right minds. I can't imagine the kind of pain or mental illness that would drive me to do such a thing.
  7. elgecko


    Apr 30, 2007
    Anasleim, CA
    Damn Gusto...hold your head up brother!
  8. jamersonburton


    Jul 22, 2011
    My condolences. I don't fully understand the depth of emotion that this causes, as i have not yet been in this situation, but i have seen it affect others and have seen the pain and grief it has brought. So from my position, i wish you the best of luck and, once again, offer my condolences. May the future have brightness in store for you.
  9. Shakin-Slim


    Jul 23, 2009
    Tokyo, Japan
    Sorry about all the bad news over the past week.

    Personally, I don't think it's easy to quantify the act of suicide. My cousin killed herself last year. I'm not entirely sure that I consider it selfish when, to the person, there really and truely seems to be no other option. My cousin lived happily in everyones eyes, full of life and everything. But the only reason she could behave that way was because, a long time ago, she decided on a certain date, after certain obligations, to end it.
  10. Hi.

    My condolences for everyone involved, especially his family.

    As a Finn, and a Finn male at that, suicide is obviously very familiar way of escape for me.

    Because most of the time it's just that, an escape.
    The only escape in their minds.

    I don't care to count how many people I know who have tried or succeeded, and sometimes it was an inevitable outcome of things that happened before, but most of the time it has came out of the blue.

    The thing is, we can't really wrap our heads around the fact that some of the things we may brush off as a bad luck or tuff times -or even ignore- can send someone else off the cliff.

    Sure, a suicide seems like a selfish thing to do, but it's their choice even if the ones left suffering and mourning don't approve. Or understand.

    Again, my condolences.

  11. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    The head is up, all good. Thanks for all the kind words everyone. Ive had one heck of a perspective check over the last week.
  12. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009
    sorry for your loss, gusto,... but your title is wrong! sometimes, suicide is the most generous thing a human can do! i'm not trying to start a discussion,... just making an observation.
  13. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    Hmmm. Point taken. However i will kindly disagree with you in this case.
  14. Shakin-Slim


    Jul 23, 2009
    Tokyo, Japan
  15. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    My condolences. I can completely understand you. I guess im upset because he left 5 children, a few families, and a crapload of people down. Thats from my perspective only.. thanks for providing me with another point of view.
  16. GrumpiusMaximus

    GrumpiusMaximus I've Seen Things You People Wouldn't Believe

    Mar 11, 2013
    Kent, United Kingdom
    I'm sorry for your loss. I work in Mental Health and have been at the centre of suicide intervention before. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do any differently. I'm sure you provided him with years of friendship and happiness - even if the eventual outcome is tragic.
  17. The mind is a massively complex thing. While an outsider may see it as selfish, it's quite possible that he thought he was doing everyone a favour, that he was in such a state of despare that he thought that everyone would be better off without him.

    I've known a few people who have taken their own lives, just last year two friends of mine took their lives within a matter of months of each other. It's horrible.

    You and his family have my sincerest condolences.
  18. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. I know it's hard.

    My daughter was suicidally-minded for some time. Unfortunately, one of the things that pulled her back from the brink was when another kid in her school committed suicide; then she realized how many people get hurt, and how badly, when someone kills themselves. Many of the posts here are right, that the suicidal person thinks that the world will be better off without them. They don't think they're being selfish. But the chain of reasoning that leads to that conclusion is itself a self-centered way of thinking. It presumes that I know, that it's my place to judge, how much good I am doing for others, how much I mean to them, and that I have the right to pull the plug if I'm not satisfied with my perception of that. The purpose of life is to live it, to do what good you can, with butterfly effects you have no notion of, and leave the judging to others.
  19. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Suicide can be caused by many things, but usually it is caused by mental illness. We are in no position to judge others. I've lost a few good people this way. I miss them very much, and I wish they were still here with us, but they're not.

    We honor them the best we can, through our memories of them.
  20. RED J

    RED J Lol

    Jan 23, 2000
    Realizing that no one who commits suicide is rational helps.Remembering the person as they really were before they became irrational allows you to realize they would never have done that to family friends and loved ones had they been in their right mind. It hurts tremendously and the challenge for us is to fight through our own emotions and be rational ourselves. Very, very difficult. Condolences

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.