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The Mother Daughter Bond

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by MAJOR METAL, May 11, 2005.


  1. MAJOR METAL

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    I have observed in several Mother Daughters a very unique bond it is almost like an interdependance with each other. Lately i have seen the strain that this can put on marriages of the adult daughter where the mother daughter relationship is putting several other importents ones on the back burner IE husbands.I still am not sure why a daughter would have the need to call her mother 5 times a day and seek counsel and friendship from the mother before turning to the husband.One man once said to me when he wanted to move that he didint know if his wifes daughter in her 30's umblical cord could reach the 7 hour distance to where he wanted to move.Are these examples common in married life?.Thanks
     
  2. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    they do it because they are female, and husbands aren't.
    ;)
    i had a g/f that spent a majority of her time, and our phone bill, with her adult daughter.
     
  3. bassturtle

    bassturtle

    Apr 9, 2004

    Good post, MM. I want nothing more than for my wife and any daughters we have to be extremely close. It seems (generalizing here) most young ladies I know that have mental/emotional problems have horrible relationships with both of their parents.

    My wife is extremely close with her mother and grandmother. There are some times that I don't understand it, but I still encourage it. Now the one thing that my wife understands is that I am her husband, best friend, and partner in life. She doesn't run off to her mom any time we're having an argument to tell her how horrible I am or whatever. That doesn't mean we don't seek our parents' advice on things, but nothing is ever done in secret or done in a way that paints either one of us in a bad light with our families. The only two people who make decisions for my family are my wife and I.

    Now, my sister and mother on the other hand are, IMO, out of control. Any time my sister and her husband have a fight, my sister is calling my mom telling her all about it. There's nothing that goes on under their roof that my mom doesn't know about. I think it drives my poor brother-in-law NUTS! They recently moved out to Washington state and it seems like my mom heads out there 3 or 4 times a year for weeks and sometimes a month at a time. :meh:

    Cut the cord! CUT IT!
     
  4. My mother and I are extremely independent. It's like we're housemates with the same DNA.

    I'm a lot closer to the men in my life (I'd say family, but the only one in my family who I'm close to is my grandfather). I have a teacher/good friend who I look up to like a father (PC termed "male influence"), and who, in times when I need someone, I turn to.

    If I were married/had a boyfriend, then that man would be the one I go to (always), and if I can't go to him, then it'd be my closer girl friends or maybe Carlos.

    But I don't see myself being close enough to my mum to have that kind of relationship.
     
  5. burk48237

    burk48237 Supporting Member

    Nov 22, 2004
    Oak Park, MI
    I have a friend whose just the opposit a deffinent "Mamas boy". We went to Chicago last year , four guys to hang downtown for the weekend, nothing to radical allthough there was alcohol involved, I swear he called his mom four times a day and he's married, called his wife once a day. When he bought his house he wouldn't leave the side of town he's on, because he wanted to be close to mom (this was after his engagement). It's not like his mom is old or alone, she still has two kids at home and her husband. I mean I spent a lot of time with my mom in her last few years, but she was older, no other children and my father had past. So while I understand the mother/daughter bond to me the son/daughter bomb is a little creepy.
     
  6. bassturtle

    bassturtle

    Apr 9, 2004

    This brings up an interesting point - Should your spouse be the ONE person of the opposite sex (that's not family) that you go to with problems?

    I say yes.
     
  7. MAJOR METAL

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    I dont agree with daughters going to their mothers with intimate details of their married life.
     
  8. Wesley R

    Wesley R Supporting Member

    It was after an 8 yr battle with cancer. The last 12 months I cranked up my Nice Guy ' Meter to full tilt. Ultra understanding, listening, non judgemental, do more than I could take type stuff, more running errands, doing chores, sacraficing personal time, work time, band time, everything, everything. The last 2 months I cranked it up higher and the last two weeks it was in overdrive and a half.

    It was tough on everybody. The daughters and daghter in-law are still 1/2 nuts. My wife spoke with her mom every day of her life for 49 years. Their birthdays were celebrated on Mothers Day and are only a couple apart. This Mothers Day was a terrible weekend for the household. The bond is tight.

    I belive that you do not marry a person , you marry a family. ata least most of the time.

    Wesley R.
     
  9. My example seems to be coming to be the opposite. My fiance's mother does not approve of us getting married. To me it doesn't matter, really. Everytime my fiances goes home or talks to her mother, she expresses her disapproval. On occassions I've come home to my fiance crying over things said by her mother. I don't think I'm going to have to worry about an umbilical cord. The mother is building a wall.
     
  10. I personally would be upset if my wife was turning to her mother before me. What is the point of being married then? Just to have kids?
     
  11. Having brought up this point ( :smug: ), I'm saying yes, if he/she is the first person you go to. If something happens, I'd go to my husband/boyfriend first, my friends later.
     
  12. burk48237

    burk48237 Supporting Member

    Nov 22, 2004
    Oak Park, MI
    Bassturtle, I agree 100%, I can't tell you how many times I've seen ministers get involved and have affairs with someone of the opposite sex they were counseling. I have a very good female friend whose married, we still talk a lot on the phone and one time in her conversation she brought up something negative about her relationship with her husband. I decided not to call her for a couple of mounths, she called me and asked why I hadn't called, and I said I did not want to be responsible for destroying her marraige. We still keep in touch now, but we both know the bounderies. Sharing intimate details with someone of the opposite sex besides your spouse is in a sense a form of Adultery, intamicy should be reserved for the marraige, I'm no expert, but thats my take.