The Party's Over

A new way to tell an old, but very true, story:

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News from San Francisco on Friday rocked the entire music world. That's right, Jazzbo has quit his current band, leaving millions shocked, confused, and in doubt whether or not they would ever hear "the world's greatest bassist" ever again.

"I'm not quitting music, I'm just quitting 'Beer on the Way'," Jazzbo was quoted as saying at the press conference.

The news came following an acoustic show at a Starbucks, where "Beer on the Way" longtime member and co-founder, Jazzbo, played to a largely uninterested crowd.

Reports from within the band cite "irreconcible musical differences" with lead singer/rhythm guitarist Dave. (*Name changed).

"There just comes a time when you realize that musically, you don't see eye to eye," Jazzbo mentioned. "I knew I was in for trouble after a discussion with Dave when we finished rehearsal Thursday night. Dave had said, 'You know, my experience has been that when people go over to jazz, they're incapable of playing blues or rock forms. You just can't mix the two.' That Dave would say this baffled me."

Reports out of SF state that Jazzbo had a long standing difference of opinion with Dave, but chose to remain in the group since they were friends and his busy work schedule didn't allow him to seek out another band. Friends said that Jazzbo has been feeling resentment for some time toward Dave because Dave would often complain about all the other aspects of the band, when everyone said that Dave was actually a very poor guitarist and singer.

"I knew that Dave wasn't serious about music, as I am. He just didn't understand me. It's better this way."

Reports from within the band state that Dave would commonly yell at the drummer for poor rhythm, but in fact it was Dave that was always off. Also, Dave would often yell at the guitarist, Jim, for not playing certain melodies during the song. Jim said, "I stopped playing them because if I did, then the audience realized how off-key Dave was." At one point, Dave yelled at Jazzbo for playing, "too many eighteenth notes."

Will we hear from Jazzbo again?

"Well, I've got a jam scheduled trying out 11 different musicians in a little over a week. I'm moving in the direction I really want to, writing original soul/funk music in the direction of such greats as Stevie Wonder, The Meters, Rufus, and Earth, Wind, & Fire."

Jazzbo further stated, "I'm happy to not be doing pop covers anymore. If I played I WANT YOU TO WANT ME or JUST WHAT I NEEDED one more time I might go mad. It's a good parting. Sure, I won't be playing gigs every week for some time now, but I'll be creating music, instead of just playing it."

 

Yeah, but, he really did say that. This entire thing is true.

 

Muhammad Ali voice ON:

You can't beat me. I'm too smart, I'm too fast, I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp, that's the only way I'd get licked!

Muhammad Ali voice OFF: