the pedula covered in beer - more dr seuss

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by john turner, Aug 29, 2000.

  1. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    well, in the spirit of "the cat in the hat plays a ric with no pick" i thought i'd post another Seuss-inspired tale for your pleasure. this one is true, btw.

    Well, my arm you've been twistin, so i'm sure you'll be listenin
    To the tale of a bass that was gooey and glistening

    From a thin coat applied by a drunk who'was denied
    Of much forward momentum as he shook, side to side

    With the tragic misstep of this blind-drunken schlepp
    My fretless was doused - did it suck, I say Yep!

    I warn you right now, this gets naughty, and how!
    But you asked and you asked, so this tale I'll allow.

    It was ten years ago, ah, the memories now flow
    Of those days of sweet halcyon, so long ago

    Ah those sweet college days, and my hellion ways,
    To revisit them now, i would pays and would pays.

    But the peace of my youth, to end so uncouth
    Was quite jarring and marring, to tell you the truth

    T'was a cold Wednesday night, i was at open Mic
    Free jazz and improv with whoever i like

    I was there with my date, who had been a bit late,
    She was getting her friend, and had joined me past 8

    Now, Anita was fun, and she was my first one
    My first, that is, who was almost 41 (yrs old)

    Before you shriek "Ack" you should know she was Stacked
    And with Ideas and Stamina too, she was packed

    T'was her plan to get me, and her friend to make three
    Can you believe it? Teen boy fantasy, and all for free!!

    I was still just a lad, t'was my goal to be bad
    And when i saw her and her friend, boy was i glad

    You see Terry was tall, and she had big cannon balls,
    She and Anita strode in like two leather-clad dolls

    While I'm waiting to play, with my two dates, I parlay
    The plans for the evening, and then the next day (hoo boy!)

    When a drunken bald fool, trying to act real cool
    Bangs into the table as he tries to pull up a stool

    My water goes "Sploooosh!" (i don't drink alchohol)
    But the "girls" both have beer, and they both take a fall

    Splash onto the case! Seeps onto the bass!
    There is beer dripping now all over the place!

    I am shrieking and growling, the drunk's laughing and yowling
    The floor, with his blood, i am planning on fouling

    When the two ladies stand, and Terry gives me her hand
    As Anita leaves for some towels to demand

    As I wipe up that sh*t, the "girls" giggle a bit
    Then they both grab my arms and then force me to sit

    Then, one on each side, they were mauling my hide
    As the drunk was just watching, his eyes opened wide

    Kissing and squeezing, on my neck they were teasing
    And i knew that soon there would be more serious pleasing

    This lasted a while, then we got up and smiled
    And left the dark place, with swagger and style

    In the Lot! In the Car! Right outside of the Bar!
    I'm amazed that we were able to drive very far

    Now I'd been with some girls, and a few were real pearls
    But after that night, I was a man of the world (or so i thought at the time)

    With this clear portrayal, I'd best end this tale
    Before I say any more and it lands me in jail

    b.t.w. the bass still smells of beer, 10 years later.

  2. Doug


    Apr 5, 2000
    Buffalo, N.Y.
    ROFLOL!!!You're killing me!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
  3. Gard

    Gard Commercial User

    Mar 31, 2000
    Greensboro, NC, USA
    General Manager, Roscoe Guitars
    JT -

    I'm jealous of both your experience and your rhyming talent. I'm now afraid to hear you play as that might just make me have to really really dislike you....... :D

    ....brilliant work, seriously (although a bit on the PG13 side of things ;) ).
  4. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    yeah, i know, i was pushing it. still, though, network tv, right? shoot, i coulda shown some nips and they still wouldn't of, you know, pulled it.

    off of netword tv, i mean.


    May 29, 2000
    hooksett NH USA

  6. Xeo


    Aug 21, 2000
    John, you idiot! You have me thinking of nipples and basses now... the two most attractive things in the world!
  7. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    :D i do my best ;) hey, that gives me an idea, the conklin double-nipple bass? no, nevermind.