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The road....and your girlfriend...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Reverend G-Money, Jun 26, 2005.

  1. anyone have a lady that gets kinda "wierd" when you are on the road??? we love each other dearly, but for some reason, she can't handle me being gone....

    Typically in relationships i have been a complete wus and have never respected that she has her own life (not my current relationship)... calling too much, showing up at work, etc....

    well my girl is completely independent and is freakin awesome....

    untill i leave...

    2-3 days even she flips and gets WAY dependent. I've tried having friends take her out and stuff, but she sits at home and crawls into a hole until i come back. someone please give me some advice to fix this.. i have never once been disrespectful and the best thing for me to hear is her voice when i'm stuck in the boonies somewhere..

    but she cries and goes on. i understand where she is coming from, but besides PROZAC, what can i do????

    thanks y'all... :)
  2. Sounds to me like she ahs some kind of issues with being alone, in general. Prehapps she doesnt feel safe without her big strong man there to protect her... Maybe something happened in the past.

    I'd recomend talking to her about it... Bring up why and what happened for her to do this to herself? Maybe she's worried something, or someone might happen to you whilest on the road... Take ehr along one day, and show her what it's all about.
  3. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    I have had several chicks who got weird while I was on the road, and I split up with all of them because of it except for my wife. See, chicks think that you're going to quit once the love kicks in because you can't stand to be away from her. And some do. But many don't and the girl can't stand it because girls have this ego thing that they're going to be the one who changes you when other girls have failed.

    So finally, I started telling every girl I ever got serious about that it was my life and my career and I'm always going to do it and it's never going to change and that's that. Well that scared off every girl but my wife, and she didn't like it, but she understood and got used to it over the years. However, telling them sure helped me weed out the ones who would get mental over my being gone.

    Bottom line, either they respect it and leave you alone over it or they don't. And you have to decide if it's worth it to stay with someone who doesn't want you doing it. No easy answers here. Reassuring them of your love and faithfulness hardly ever works. it can often make it worse because they end up thinking that you're really under their spell and you'll quit if they demand it. You pretty much have to spell it out in no uncertain terms to get them to understand it, and then let what will happen happen.
  4. C-5KO


    Mar 9, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    She may have fear of abandonment issues.

    If she was serious about your relationship she/both of you should talk to a professional about it. I wouldn't say it was something extreme, but it's definately not what would be defined as "normal behaviour". And if she recognises this, then it's the first step.

    Sometimes significant others have a hard time grasping the concept of "musician". they see us as running around having fun, travelling, playing in front of people cheering, etc. So to them, it's not a "job". They don't see boring rehearsals, moving gear, arguing with band members, driving for hours straight, sleeping in the van, etc. this to me is what a "job" is.

    So, your SO may see it as you running off having fun, without her - or even having fun because she's not fun. If she knows this is your "job", then it seems she has a hard time dealing with you being away. If she see this as you running of having fun, then she may not understand fully what happen at a gig.

    Either way, good luck. It's terrible when a career, especially one you love and can't give up, ends relationships.
  5. Steve


    Aug 10, 2001
    some people...just don't want that kind of a relationship and there is nothing wrong with them feeling that way.

    Some people don't want to be Navy wives..or long haul truckers wives...some people want...and need a "normal" life.

    Just because a person wants to be around the person they love doesn't mean they have abandonment issues if they get unhappy when they leave.

    Sorry Dude but if you continue to maginalize her feelings so you can go off and do your thing without a hassel....

    You gonna be a single dude.

    A small peice of advice from a 46 year old guy who's been single for the last 20 years.

    The fact that everyone knows the stories of the road...and the fact that they are to a great extant true..doesn't help.

    Whoever it was that said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was not the one that got left behind.

    (and there's a song in that last sentance for sure)
  6. BioDragoon


    Jun 24, 2005
    Reseda, CA
    Take her with you. Perhaps she won't mind you being gone so much if she has to go.

    Hehe, perhaps that's impractical <_<
  7. Take her with you seems cool...if it is possible. But overall I think bikertrash hit the nail on the head. My wife was 300 miles away from home for most of 3 years working on a Masters degree. It was tough, but we made it. Some people don't want to put up with that kind of separation.
  8. `ash


    Feb 26, 2004
    sounds like you have a girl that loves you quite dearly and really misses you after you leave. Where's the problem in that?

    There will be some people here who are single and would gladly swap with you.
  9. xshawnxearthx


    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    touring for a month killed a 2 1/2 year relationship with my x. she was way to dependant on me. ruined tour for me.

    we broke up a week after i got back.

    would i do it all over again. **** yea i would, but i would have thrown the cell phone in the ocean and be done with it then.

    my girl now is pretty independant. she said she can handle it, but i worry. she is good with weekends and what not, but i dont know how she will be when we hit the road for a month plus.

    i would just tell her that this is your dream to do and if you dont do it you will never be able to live with yourself.
  10. Phil Smith

    Phil Smith Mr Sumisu 2 U

    May 30, 2000
    Peoples Republic of Brooklyn
    Creator of: iGigBook for Android/iOS
    Well you could just not go away. That would fix that issue for sure, but it's no guarantee that some other issue will come up resulting in you having to just give up the way your doing music now. Unfortunately some times it comes down to either the relationship or some other thing that you're doing that's not part of the relationship. How you choose is up to you and what you believe will make you the happiest.

    You have to accept the fact that that is how she is and then factor that into whether or not the relationship will work for you in light of that. Actually you both should be factoring this in.
  11. DrewBud


    Jun 8, 2005
    I agree that you should try and take her with you one or two times. Also talking with her to find out why she get's so depressed will always help. Perhaps she's afraid you're hooking up with groupies, getting ****ed up every night (if you are, then don't bring her and assure her you're not ;)) If she really just can't handle the separation then in the long run you're either going to have to give up road gigs, or give up her. I've been with several girls who I met at shows that said they were ok with me being gone every weekend, and that they understood that was a part of my life and that they wanted to date a musician...but when it came down to it they really wanted to "tame" a musician.

    Some girls really aren't cut out to be with a musician and a choice has to made :(
  12. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    I must be hitting the wrong roads then. :)

    My girlfriend cries when we part, often. It's just what she does and I've come to accept it. 9 years down the line and I haven't been able to change that. I think everybody has issues, quirks, or simply things that make them who they are. In my expereince we can learn to love and accept them happily, we can not accept it and be miserable about it, or we can leave. I am certain that there is no changing the other person. In my situation I practice being as empathetic as I can without letting her tears get in the way of what I need to do. Guilt is useless. I battle with it at times - but she's got to take care of herself, and me myself. A good therapist has actually helped us a lot, but unfortunately I don't think there's a lot of "good" therapists out ther. We were fortunate. I think all couples should do some time in therapy - it's amazing the doors that get open when we open our minds to the fact that we may not have it all down pat.

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