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The saga continues: the legendary 'Farting During a Show' Fart II Thread

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Vorago, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. Vorago

    Vorago (((o)))

    Jul 17, 2003
    Antwerp, Belgium
  2. kobass

    kobass Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Outside Boston
    First post in the new thread!!!! Who's cooler than me? :D
  3. chris.gotfunk


    Mar 21, 2007
    Ashburn, Va

    Ummmmm....the guy that had the last post in the last thread?????:bag:

  4. kobass

    kobass Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Outside Boston
    LOL! :D
  5. jazzbo58

    jazzbo58 Bassist for My Man Godbey Supporting Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    New Orleans, LA USA
    My wife just came up behind me to see what I was reading. I could feel the pressure building and I slipped out a silent, toxic fog upon her. She was not happy! Must be love!;)

  6. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Suscribed with a silent but deadly one.
  7. Bassic83


    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    Subbed with a loud, sharp, BRRRAP! (didn't stank, though...)
  8. TheDarkReaver

    TheDarkReaver Banned

    Mar 20, 2006
    Lincolnshire, UK
    you can tell this is male dominated forum, over a thousand posts about farting :p
  9. Bassic83


    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    Who'da ever thunk that a thread about farts could be 26 pages long? :D

    I wonder if we'll get to fart III, er...part III...or if we'll just run out of gas?
    Bass'd In Colorado likes this.
  10. Bassic83


    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    What's even better is that there is some unabashedly female participation as well! :D
  11. grooveguru


    Sep 14, 2000
    Central PA
    My band is blessed with the most stinkiest light guy ever. Likes to let loose while he's hanging the truss. You never saw 7 grown men scatter so quickly when he let's go. He always waits till we're all on stage too. :crying:
  12. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    The guy who gave birth to the megathread, perhaps?
    Howlin' Hanson likes this.
  13. Depends on what we've had to eat, but I know to start worrying when there is a plate of bar-room hot wings in front of the drummer durring load in. That guy can peal paint off the damn walls!
  14. bassman314

    bassman314 I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...

    Mar 13, 2005
    Bay Area, CA
    In return, I give birth to the MegaFart!
  15. kobass

    kobass Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Outside Boston

    I wouldn't put that on my resume if I were you... ;)
  16. O.K.here's my second story

    First off...sorry mister Jive I didn't know that that was your place...next time I come to the shop I'll bring some of those pine tree air fresheners.I did notice that E.A no longer makes those stink holding fuzzy cabinets.Coincidence???who knows.

    Here we go...Years ago my band played one of those the "Our company made lots of money this year" parties.I know that many of you all have played corporate gigs and are well aware of the set up.

    This gig was at a Holiday Inn conference center.The kind of room that can be partitioned off with sliding panels.I think that the main hall could have been split six ways,but at this event thay used the whole room.They had a stage against one wall where we set up that was also to be shared with CEO during presentations.

    These gigs are a starving players dream...Our first set was to be one and a half hours,followed by presentations of bonuses,happy talk..."We did great this year..wait till next year"..followed by another one and a half hour set to close out.Anyway you get the picture.

    The owners of the company were very cool.They set us up with a band table in the very back of the hall and we were invited to partake in the open bar.They had four different bars setup in each corner.We also got to hit the buffet table after everyone else went through.

    The first set went great.folks were dancing right off the bat.I'm sure that the open bar played a big part in that.When we stopped playing they opened the buffet.Everyone had plenty to eat when a somewhat drunken CEO took to the stage.Not Foster Brooks drunk but tipsey...but hey it's his company.They set up a podium that was tied into the house P.A. system with overhead speakers.I don't know what gave me the idea but when we stashed all of our drum boxes an guitar cases behind a wall curtain I noticed a wall jack with several mike inputs.They were placed at several locations in the room.As the presentation went on things got looser and the boss was actually very funny.It was almost like one of those Dean Martin roasts from back in the day.

    Call me a bad person,but something made me go behind the curtain,back where we were sitting and get a spare mike out of the gear box.I pluged it into the remote jack....guess what....Hot mike!!!On the house system.Only two other guys in the band knew what I was up to.I couldn't trust the others to keep a straight face.Carefully I placed the 57 on the back of my chair, with the chair against the wall curtain.At just the right time..as the speaker paused between breaths I let go what I thought was going to be a small fart.Well those plastic fold up chairs are like a bass drum head.I must say..The mike mix was perfect,so was the timing.From my vantage point you see people look up right at the stage and start to laugh.Even the speaker looked behind himself as if to say "where the hell did that come from?It may have taken a full 60 seconds for him to regain composure"In my shock at producing a not so small poot,I carefully removed the the mike from the jack and stashed the offending tool.

    Thinking I had just pulled off one of the best band fart capers to date...A hand touched my shoulder from behind...Excuse me...My blood turned cold.

    A man in a black tux holding a tray of five beers and some shots.He still had leftover tears in his eyes.I had forgotten that one of the satellite bars in the back of the room had a direct sight line past us ..to the stage.The bartender watched the caper from begining to end.He claimed to have worked at this place for fifteen years and had never seen anything like that and had never laughed so hard.He had to bring a round to the table.As far as I knew he and the band were the only ones in on the truth.

    The second set went better than the first and the "speaker fart" was a topic until our last piece of equiptment was loaded.

    With much respect to the man who started this thread,Thank you Jive1 for helping to bring back some fond band memories.

    Sore Thumb, Das Jugghead, ahc and 9 others like this.
  17. GeddyFlea1974


    Feb 11, 2007
    Instagator, I have never laughed so hard before 10:00 in the morning in my life. Thanks for that story :D
  18. Bassic83


    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    Dude! That is SO funny!!
  19. MazeMouse


    Jan 27, 2005
    Damnit instagator... you've made my face hurt from laughing :D
  20. You must be doing it wrong. Try opening your mouth in time with the spontaneous, spastic vocalizations. That should alleviate the pressure and allow for the laughter to more freely escape.

    Trying to restrain or repress such things can lead to bigger, more embarrassing and possibly even messy complications down the road.

    Hope that helps!

    Squid-TEGH likes this.