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the sermon for today - an oldie but a goodie

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by john turner, May 24, 2001.


  1. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    i posted this a while back, but i've been feeling nostaligic lately, so i thought it was worth a repost.


    for all my 4 string brethren, someday you too will see the...ahem...

    (preacher voice)

    Holy Truth...Can I Get an AMEN

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    The Holy Truth, the Lord's Number, the Heavenly Number, of 7

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    Yes, Seven, the Heavenly Number, Let Me Hear An AMEN

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    And How Many Strings are on the Heavenly Bass?

    {congregation}

    SEVEN

    {preacher}

    I Said, How Many Strings are on Our Lord's Bass?

    {congregation}

    SEVEN

    {preacher}

    The Good Book Says on The Seventh Day, He Rested! He Rested and He Boogied! That's Right, The Lord Created the Heavens and the Earth, and on the Seventh Day, He Rested, and He Boogied on His Seven String Bass! Can I Hear an Amen?

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    Can I Hear... uh, (ahem) oh sorry, wait a minute...

    (doctor)

    "John it's time for your shots. Nurse Bruno, hold him down please."

    oh, hey, gotta go.
     
  2. Boplicity

    Boplicity Supporting Member

    Thanks for giving me my laugh of the day, especially the picture of God boogying down on Sunday. That's such a happy picture. Of course, if I ever get "up there", I may discover He actually prefers reggae or salsa.
     
  3. lump

    lump

    Jan 17, 2000
    St. Neots, UK
    Isn't it time for you to go to work again? ;) :D
     
  4. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    yeah, actually, i gettin' broke.

    maybe i should just put out a hat around here, maybe make some dough from my rhymin' skeellz.

    maybe not. :D
     
  5. Niels Keijzer

    Niels Keijzer Guest

    Nov 27, 2000
    I guess your sermon is a bit outdated now, it's quite hard to fit your eight string in it.

    Biblically, the seven is a number wich states a kind of "fullness", complete, so to speak.
    Seen in the light of your little sermon, you just told us indirectly that an eight-string is a little too much.

    As always, someone can be wrong.
     
  6. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    :eek:

    actually, i prefer to think of the 8 as the 7 + 1 bass, sorta like the angelic host + the angelic host organist.
     
  7. And then what about the doubleneck?
    Does that count as 14, thereby being too much?
    Or is it just..."double the pleasure, double the fun!"?
    :D:p
     
  8. wouldn't it be a kick in the pants if he was a big Korn fan? stranger things have happened... ;)
     
  9. BigJH

    BigJH

    Jan 20, 2001
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    Or even funnier a huge death metal fan :D
     
  10. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Well...by all acounts, God should be a huge fan of all types of music...which is kinda funny to think about. God, getting down with some good old Black metal.

    Course, by that thought, he also really digs the Osmonds. Go figure.

    And now...try to lay off the God stuff...might get back on the dreaded Religion...
     

  11. Least you can Add up Father JT?

    So what do i get if i convert from Satanism and become a alter boy for you?

    Merls

    That came out kinda wrong hey? :p
     
  12. yawnsie

    yawnsie

    Apr 11, 2000
    London
    Funnily enough, for some reason I got an invitation the other day to go to an American evangelist's sermon posted through my door. Are you coming over here to spread the good word, JT?
     
  13. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    yes! Lord Yes, i say! and that good word is....

    SEVEN!!!!

    yes! praise the lord!

    let's look at all the wonderful things that "seven" has brought us...

    well, first there's ....

    [​IMG]

    :eek:

    and then there's

    [​IMG]

    and of course, how could we forget...

    http://ce.eng.usf.edu/pharos/wonders/list.html

    or...

    [​IMG]
     
  14. [​IMG]
     
  15. who's the chick, JT? i don't get it.

    i bet if heaven has a forum like this it's got a lot of "Flea vs. David" threads.
     
  16. That's "Seven". ;)
     
  17. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    heck yeah, how could i forget mickey mantle? :rolleyes: :D

    i had #7 on my jerseys all through little league.
     
  18. don´t worry... you´re not missing much... it´s "Seven Of Nine" a borg in Voyager.....

    no!! I don´t watch star trek!! I just happened to turn it on while she was on!! I swear it! I don´t like star trek!!

    :runs away for shelter:

    :)
     
  19. *runs around crashing into things* ALL THESE SEVENS!!! aarrghhhhhhhh
    Can we not escape.. although i wouldn't minf being tortured by "seven" from Star Trek..

    Ahhh hmmm
    Riight i'm off cya!

    Merls
     
  20. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    :eek:

    that's just bad, m'kay? just say no, m'kay?

    :D