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Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by ZenG, Nov 19, 2015.
If only this were in 3-D!
(1) You need to be 50 years of age or older
In eight months I will be.
(2) You must not have purchased a new musical recording of any kind in at least ten years.
Sorry, but I truly have.
(3) You agree that kids these days know nothing about music.
Can't agree on that one except fr certain genre's.
(4) The last five concerts you've played or been to were at old-age homes.
(5) You have at least one lawn that you keep in good condition.
I have two.
(6) You must have almost nutted yourself at least twice when you bent over to pick dandelions off it.
I prefer chemical warfare.
(7) If you're a female player you must have split the butt out of your pants at least twice doing the same thing.
(8) You never turn your amp past "5"
I don't need to, even though mine goes to 11.
(9) You have two basses...one is a Fender P, the other is a Squier Bronco. You always take the Bronco to gigs, but whenever anybody asks you tell them you bought it for your grandson and you're just sort of breaking it in for him.
I DO have two basses! One is a Washburn P and the other is a Washburn Q.
(10) At every gig you start off a song with " a one and a two and a three and a four..."
I do it out of respect for Mr. Whelk.
(11) After the second song you announce "we're gonna take a little break now..."
The bladder wants what the bladder wants.
(12) At gigs you don't take tips. Whenever somebody offers you a monetary gratuity you reply " Oh no..really....no.....we're just here to help out......but thank you kindly...."
And I take the tip anyway.
(13) Halfway through a set you step to the mic and say " We're gonna turn it up a notch for ya'"
and then your band plays a 95 bpm screamer.......
Hey, 95 is more than 94.
(14) You tried rapping once........but couldn't remember what the hell you were talking about.....
I did so remember what the hell I was taking about. I been rapping sausages my whole life.
(15)...When asked if you've ever heard of Green Day you reply " I put my recycleables out by the curb every Tuesday "
It's Thursday actually.
(16) You believe that Elvis is the greatest singer that ever lived...except for maybe Celine Dion...
He's ONE of the greatest ever. I'd like to run over Celine Dion with a tank, just like I did with Lionel Ritchie.
(17) You wrap up every gig with a rousing sing along of " If You're Happy And You Know It..."
We always finish with "Oh What a Night."
(18) You gave up fingers 10 years ago and always use a pick for bass.
(19) Your band drummer only uses 2 beats.......4/4 and 3/4......for everything.
We fired the drummer for not knowing how to do the solo from Tom Sawyer.
(20) You milk the "Goodnight everybody and thanks for coming" for all its worth. You introduce everybody in the band and tell a little story about them and how they came to be and how you all got together.....the whole thing takes almost as long as one set and by the time you're finished the only person left in the room is the clean-up janitor....
What's wrong with that?
(21) You never use wireless mics because RF interference makes your hearing-aids squeal...
Better that than having to leave and change the colostomy bag.
(22) Your band hasn't sold a single cd, which are in a box right by the stage...but things are looking up.....
No, but the CD's we have in the bank are darn fine and safe investments!
(23) Your band thinks "Goodnight Irene" is the new "Stairway To Heaven".
No, but we do think "Come on Eileen" could be the new "Tears in Heaven."
Because of (10) I cannot be part of the club, I stopped counting when I reached 40...
Me too, well, turned 50 in June. I sure ain't feel in' as old as the OP described, and I don't think I will for some time.
Well, except after playing flag football, like I did this morning. I was feelin it then.
Way over and Yes! Two Precisions, a Bronco, and another one I won't tell you about.
I like black t-shirts.
you forgot to mention burritos
You sure you're a bass player?
other than being over 50, i don't think any of those apply to me...
Unfortunately you cannot be considered a member at this time......however you may possibly qualify for "prospect" status.....
Yep...each and every day....
Not sure about you though.....
but that still doesn't change the fact that burritos suck.
I've got all day to play bass...and I do.
(Except for when I have to go to the medical center to deal with my TalkBass addiction..)
Burritos are crap and I wouldn't eat one if you gave it to me.
I would throw it from the roof of the nearest tall building and hope a seagull catches it on the way down.
If it hit the ground I would back up and squash the hell out of it with my truck.
Again and again until it was dead.
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