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The Toilet Slots (and other embarrassing work tidbits)

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Mon Rominee, Jun 9, 2005.

  1. Hey, so yeah....went to use the office bathroom...the one in the hall between all the big wig offices. Heck, I work in the office too, I'm allowed...not a grunt from the floor ;)

    So yeah, the toilet slots: when you flush that big industrial grade lever, and it flushes, and re flushes...over and over....and won't stop....like a winning slot machine...it doesn't end. BOOOOISSSHHHHH! BOOOOISSSSSHHHHH!

    So you have to leave said bathroom, and have to go tell the secretary or whomever that you broke the toilet and need plant maintennance to come fix.... it's embarrassing...I didn't even drop a deuce.

    For shame, woulda at least been worth it then. ;)
    Whatta way to start the shift..I wasn't even 5 minutes on the clock fer chrissakes.

    So go ahead and spill it: your worst / most embarrassing office mishap.
  2. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    "I won't be leaving early today, Mark is wandering round the office again" *turns round* "oh, hi mark"
  3. 43 bites and 1 reply... c'mon, fess up and move on...call it therapy :smug:
  4. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    All I'm saying is that if you'd have thought about it before you left, you wouldn't have had to go 5 minutes into your day...
  5. Dude, read the post, I didn't even go... I blew my nose (I have a wicked cold) and did a bit of primping before I went to my office.... gotta flush the tissue... :)

    Oh wait..was that a quote from a movie? :meh:
  6. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    I don't think it was...

    But you said you didn't drop a deuce, so I took that to mean that you had too much coffee before you left.

  7. Oh, heh heh...well, it is a long commute. ;)
  8. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Interestingly enough, I was thinking of something somewhat similar. In my office, there are 5 floors each with a bathroom. The thing that I can't stand is when people pirate the stall next to you when you're pinching a loaf. There's usually a stall a floor above or below that's open. But no, there's some that need to interrupt your quiet time. I have fired "warning shots", issued verbal warnings like "you don't wanna be in here" and they still come and pop a squat next to you. I"ll make fart noises, grunt, cough, gag, whatever and people still insist on jumpin on and exponentially increasing the odor level.
  9. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I was alone in an elevator, so I farted. The doors open up for me to get out, and in walks my supervisor. It smelled bad, and I had no one to blame. I tried saying it was someone who got off on the last floor, but it only made me look more guilty.

  10. tifa

    tifa Padawan Bassist

    Mar 8, 2005
    Blackburn, UK
    I just had to commend the use of the term 'warning shot' :D :D

    really made me laugh :)
  11. I'm not sure Philbiker's ever gonna let you back in his house! :p
  12. bassturtle


    Apr 9, 2004
    Here's a little bit of a background - I'm usually the only one on my salesfloor so me going to the bathroom in the middle of the day can sometimes be a little tricky. Normally one of my guitar techs will come down from the upstairs shop and watch the store for me while I have to take care of business, so it's never been a HUGE issue. Plus if push comes to shove I can always lock the door and put up a "Back in 5 mins" sign on the front door.

    Well, several months back, my suspicions that I'm lactose intolerant where confirmed. The store was hopping - I had customers playing amps on 11, the upstairs was packed with parents and kids waiting for guitar lessons, and I ordered a large cheese pizza and was just eating slices in between customers. About 15 mins after I finished it, I got the "Uh oh...there's gonna be a problem" warning from my stomach. It's about 6:30pm so I think "It's okay...I only have an hour and a half til close...I can make it." I was wrong.

    Another 15 mins goes by and it's pretty obvious that I'm not gonna last. Then I think "Okay...as soon as I get these last couple of guys out of here, I'll just lock up and put a "Back in 5 mins" sign on the door." Then it hits me - the bathroom is upstairs right in front of the lesson waiting room and there's at least 10 people sitting up there. They're going to be able to hear and smell anything that happens in there. NO GOOD!

    By this time I'm dancing in place and I've broken out into a cold sweat. I start panicing. "Where the hell can I go? They ally? No...too public. The drain in the utility closet? No, I'll never be able to clean that up. Hmmm....THE LIBRARY ACROSS THE STREET! YES!"

    All the customers on the sales floor had all cleared out so I had my chance. I had about 10 seconds to get over there, so I made a mad dash out my front door. I didn't even bother locking it because I knew more students where going to be coming in and heading upstairs. Right as I hit the street, one of my old friends happen to be coming in to see me. He doesn't know the first thing about selling guitars, but I just threw him my keys and said "Hang out in my store and don't let anyone steal anything!"

    I then proceded to goose-step my way to the library bathroom.

    The next night I went to a show and 75% of the people there had all heard about my mishap. It's all I heard about the entire night.
  13. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio

  14. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    You think that's bad? In one of my offices, they installed "flush-less" toilets. I'm not sure exactly how they work, but there's no water. They probably all drain out to a master sewer system somewhere. But boy, when they get plugged up, there's hell to pay. Not even the cockroaches will get anywhere near them. And there's a sign on every one of them that says, "congratulations, you're saving the city four thousand gallons of water a month", or something like that. :D

    Great, I feel like a responsible citizen for doing my civic duty. :hyper:
  15. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Another funny thing at the office.....

    I had a blue siamese fighting fish that I kept in a tank on my desk. Well after a year, the thing died. So I go to flush it down the toilet. After I throw him in the toilet, I find that the electronic flush system isnt working. So this fish floated in the toilet all day long. To make a long story short, someone used the bathroom later that day and I overheard him freaking out about doing his business and finding a fish there afterwards. Too funny...
  16. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    You're a more disciplined man than me.
    If it were me, I'd just bust out laughing and give myself away instantly.
  17. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    #1 story mainly because I can relate. Lactose intolerance is a PIA. There is nothing like eating something you really shouldn't and the feel of horror when you realize what may happen or is definately GOING to happen. If you haven't yet, pick up some "Lactaid" pills. Take one before you eat anything dairy and you should be fine.

    The toilet slots I can relate to. We have a toilet in our restroom at work that never wants to stop flushing. The odd thing is that sometimes if you flush the urinal while it's going off, it will stop. But for me there is nothing more embarassing than the time I managed to somehow clog the toilet at my uncles house and water wound up dripping into the basement where the rest of my family was. Not work related, but still I think more embarassing seeing as you have to see these people, where as with a job, you can always quit :)
  18. Some guy at work went to the bathroom to pinch a loaf, there was someone already in the next stall. Turns out the "some guy" apparently had a gun in the waistband, wasn't careful getting the trousers off, and the gun clatters to the floor.

    Guy in adjoining stall got "very quiet" all of a sudden. Eventually security was notified, and they went looking for someone wearing a specific sort of shoes on that particular floor. Apparently the shoes were the only identifying characteristic available. Rather interesting day at work, rumors like that tend to spread like wildfire.

    Just have to point out that the guy in the adjoining stall was in the perfect spot for what must have been his first instinct regarding what to do when he saw the gun.

  19. Bassic83


    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    This is going to be another "Farting ..." thread! I love it!

    Some funny stuff so far! I took my daughter into the men's room shortly after she got the potty-training thing down, I think it was at Home Despot or something...anyhow, she spotted the urinal for the handicapped and before I could even react, had her pants down around her ankles, was up on the rim and was heaving a Havana! Nobody else was in there at the moment, so I let her finish...when she finished her business, she looked on either side of her and said, in her little piping voice-

    "Daddy, they don't even have toilet paper to wipe your butt with!!!"

    I was laughing under my breath as I ducked into a stall and grabbed her some TP. As soon as she finished wiping, I went to flush it. A very small trickle lazily made its way down the back, so I flushed again. Same thing. She had finished buttoning up, so I grabbed her hand, and we made our escape...or so I thought. As we were exiting the bathroom, an employee barged past us! I heard him say "Oh, MAN!!!" as we ran down the aisle and out the store without our merchandise...
  20. Almost forgot about this one! Happened years ago.

    We were in this bar with some friends, I go to the can. I'm standing there, minding my own business, when I hear a voice.... "Help me..... Help me" I'm like, ***????? I look around the corner, there's arm sticking out from under the stall wall. "Help me..... Heeelllllp"

    So I force the door open, not knowing what to expect. The guy was really drunk. Reeeaaallllly drunk. Clearly a PUI (pooping under the influence). Fell off the toilet, wedged himself between that and the wall, "Help I've fallen and I can't get up".

    Anyway, years ago, I was still a nice guy. So my first instinct is to help him. Then I think.... what happens to my reputation if I'm helping this guy to his feet, pants around his ankles, and my friends happen to walk in. Not good.

    Did I mention I have a little man inside me that makes me do bad things? Anyway, that little voice in my head tells me "your friends will never believe this story". So I went and got my friends, showed them, laughed our a@#$s off, then went to get the bouncer to let him sort this out....


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