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Then he said "my wife the keyboard player"....

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Jimmy4string, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. I wouldn't have an issue with it. THEY might have an issue with it.
    That is true in any band even with no 'hooked up' members....

    If I work with a band, I have the freedom and will use it, as each member in the band has and can to me, to say/suggest/criticize/etc. anybody/anything and be able to handle it without either party exploding...

    If someone is dicking up, I will likely illuminate that, with all attempts to be objective and constructive.
    The onus is on everybody to be able to handle 'constructive illumination' without getting all poochie lipped...

    A band is a group effort...until it's not.

    We all have fun or we don't. We all make bank or we don't. We all get along or we don't.

    A big 'we don't' and someone is going to the house if not fixed...

    I may go immediately, depending on the 'we don't'....

    Life is much to short to just settle...whatever settle means to you....

    I am not going to 'settle' with misery in a band...

    I am perfectly happy in my recliner with a Jazz or Lester in my hands... Far from 'settling'....
    Mr_Moo and Jimmy4string like this.
  2. delta7fred


    Jul 3, 2007
    I've been in quite a few bands with couples, some were completely drama free, others I couldn't get away fast enough.

    The worst was where the guitarist's wife was not in the band but was our self appointed manager, musical director, wardrobe consultant, sound person, etc. She and I did not see eye to eye, I've been gigging for 50 years and this was to my knowledge her first time at any of these jobs.

    I will give her credit where it is due, she was an excellent booking agent. It's just a pity that she didn't stick to what she was good at.
  3. One 'sticky' I have is that discussions consist of those on stage. Decisions are made by those on stage. Period.
    I don't give a tinker's damn what my wife, your wife, Bob's wife's wife, much thinks about anything....
  4. Lowbrow

    Lowbrow Supporting Member

    Apr 22, 2008
    Pittsburgh PA!
    Don't sweat it in advance. Assume all will be fine, and be fine yerself.
  5. Yeah, no drama there :)
  6. Been there, done that. Be prepared for awkward arguments or cold shoulders or just higher levels of band drama. If there’s kids involved and you practice at their house, oh boy! The band members are an afterthought.
  7. gmarcus

    gmarcus Supporting Member

    Apr 4, 2003
    Just make sure you are the bass player and not the councilor
    Frankie Fender likes this.
  8. He's auditioning as a singer.
    Jimmy4string likes this.
  9. gmarcus

    gmarcus Supporting Member

    Apr 4, 2003
    Same same
    Jimmy4string likes this.
  10. QORC


    Aug 22, 2003
    Elberon, New Jersey
    of course there is no ONE answer. Nor is it "binary". but he asked and we are relating our stories. When you have a couple involved in a band, the dynamics are different as is the base of power. can it work out? sure it can. Does it often lead to problems? It can. More often than not. That certainly has been my experience and observations over the years. but of course every situation is different.

    Here's my advice: Give it a shot. but like any other band venture, keep your eyes and ears open. If it seems like its not going to work for you, bail out. There's no shame in it. but I would be wary when a couple is running a band. the rest of you are almost always an afterthought and are usually considered expendable, not equals.
  11. QORC


    Aug 22, 2003
    Elberon, New Jersey
    Not sure Fleetwood Mac is a good example. The two couples were splitting up when "Rumours" was made. The band destroyed the two relationships and almost ended the band entirely. Rumours saved them because it was so big. And they had a hard time getting along after that for years. Only HUGE money kept them together as much as they were. I don't think the OP is talking about HUGE MONEY. Huge money and one hell of a lot of drugs. Huge money changes everything when it comes to what one is willing to tolerate. and even then they had a hard time recording albums and touring together.

    Mega-bands and their experiences are usually not a good method of comparison for your run-of-the-mill local band. In most ways. they are a different animal altogether. I tolerated a lot of band BS when I was in a popular band that traveled, even internationally at times.

    My tolerance level for the local band stuff I down now is really really low. And couples often kill my enthusiasm for a project where I expect to bring $125 home after a show.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2019
    Mr_Moo and mikewalker like this.
  12. It's almost always at a least 50/50...later you may find it may be a 60/40, 90/10 or the more hopeful 100/0 when it comes to work/drama factor of it. Guess you just have to be willing and then see what happens and go from there.
  13. J-Mags

    J-Mags Supporting Member

    Jun 18, 2018
    Durham NC
    I saw a craigslist ad for a bass player and keyboard player that was like, "The bass player is going to refuse to wear the cool outfits we got got for ourselves. That's OK. What do you expect? We're not gonna put you on the spot." or something like that.
    Mr_Moo likes this.
  14. -Asdfgh-


    Apr 13, 2010
    I've been in bands in which I've felt like the odd one out for not being in a relationship with someone else in the band. And none of these bands were Fleetwood Mac.

    When there has been drama I've found that cups of tea and some hobnobs have generally helped, but then I am English and here a cup of tea is a pretty much a cure for anything less serious than losing a limb.
    Mr_Moo and instrumentalist like this.
  15. My band is full of drama and I'm the cause, said nobody ever. Couple or not.
    charlie monroe and mikewalker like this.
  16. GBBSbassist

    GBBSbassist I actually play more guitar... Supporting Member

    Nov 23, 2010
    Give it a chance.

    No reason to form an opinion without having any information.
    Mr_Moo and Jimmy4string like this.
  17. ummmmmm, GWAR and Gorillaz has humans, probably that computer generated Japanese girl band too but that's not specific enough for me to care to look up.

    Even the cool Robot Ace of spades vid has someone singing and playing the robots. That makes them in the band to me.
  18. Mvilmany


    Mar 13, 2013
    Upstate NY

    It’ll either be really stable, or it will be a drama train. Some couples have their act together, and as long as they function well, the project could be great.
  19. Mvilmany


    Mar 13, 2013
    Upstate NY
    Also, one of my CURRENT favorite new acts, Mandolin Orange, is a married couple, that tours with a rhythm section.

    TexasHeat likes this.
  20. theretheyare

    theretheyare Supporting Member

    Sep 4, 2010
    Brooklyn, NY
    Endorsing: Arkham Vacuum Tube Amplification
    Also, give a little credit to couples who know themselves what dynamic will work for them and everyone else.

    I know a married couple whose working together on stage is the basis of their relationship - it's how they met, got together, and what they have pursuing as mostly a combined career ever since. Like a mom-and-pop store. Still married & happy.

    Another couple I know were together for 16 years before they started playing together in public. Now it takes up most of their time between other projects. Going on 30+ years as a couple.

    My wife is a singer. We did have a successful project for about 9 years where we co-wrote and co-produced, and she sang and led the band with other musicians on stage. We have sofar refrained from starting a project together that requires us to be on stage together- which we'll do when it feels right to us.
    Ikariku likes this.

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