I've been told many times on the forums that I should go see a therapist. Typically I've disregarded it because if I talk about bad things on the internet, that's all the people see and don't see the good side. I'm 17 and I'm holding out that it may be a hormone thing. However, there are a lot of symptoms that have plagued me for a while. Since I was 9, if the sun goes down before 7 or 8, it makes me depressed. I told my parents I wasn't feeling right lately and I've been having anxiety about starting to make anything with my music. They informed me that, without fail, this is the time of year every year since I started middle school that I would get anxiety, my school work would start slipping, and my organization goes away. I also have general anxiety about weird things. I'm afraid of what's known as dissociative/depersonalization disorder. Part of me thinks it's easy to diagnose yourself with wikipedia. But I often times will feel like I've snapped back into consciousness. I have a hard time recognizing my body as me. Sometimes I'll look in a mirror and get a shock of panic as I can't convince myself the body in the mirror is me. A lot of times I feel like Im watching things going on. When my anxiety becomes more frequent, so does this. I'd say at least a couple times a day I have some form of dissociative event. My thinking has been fuzzy lately, where I just feel in a fog, as well as my motivation dropping. I don't want to leave the house much and I have very little interest in sex, and I feel myself getting annoyed with my girlfriend with anything more than a minimum amount of affection. It's nothing she (or other people that do it) do wrong, I'm just unable to match that emotion and it's frustrating. I feel myself unexcited by things I should be. I just don't react, either to good things or to things that require a quick reaction sometimes. Other times it's normal, but sometimes I just feel very little about things that should get a reaction from me. My best friend since 9th grade called me on Skype to tell me she was pregnant and I had no better reaction than to look at the webcam and say "huh" as in "how about that". I see happy things as sad. I see my mom's little dog playing with her toys and rolling around with people and it makes me sad for reasons I can never quite define. My own dog is greying around the mouth and that makes me sad as well. Sometimes it goes even farther. When I was about 15, I used to get atrocious thoughts that I couldn't get out of my head. Babies in car accidents, toddlers falling into ovens, things I never wanted to think about but had no choice. Luckily it's mostly stopped now. I think the worst of it though, is death anxiety. I'm a deep thinker and I leave absolutely nothing to faith. I like to think I don't do myself the disservice of believing anything that doesn't hold up completely to all questioning, and I'm constantly questioning. I don't believe in any deities. I used to believe that we had a form of energy that would carry our consciousness. Some think our consciousness is a quantum process, but tests show that entangled particles would decohere too quickly for that to be true. Even if it is, what is a consciousness with no brain to process new thoughts, no sensory inputs? Nirvana? Looped memories? I've come to accept that the best I can hope for is that consciousness is a separate element from the mind (it has to be created somehow, and until we can replicate it, I don't honestly believe chemicals have the power to create it) and that when we die, we'll be stripped of our ego, our thought, maybe even our memories, and simply be on a level we don't understand. But this I doubt. I created a thread about my death anxiety a while ago (http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f34/sickening-death-anxiety-922540/) but lately have been obsessing over it. I have not stopped thinking about it since I posted that thread. I don't really know why I'm posting this. I should have been in bed an hour ago but I suddenly got a wave of energy and stress/anxiety over the same old stuff so it feels good to get it out I guess. Maybe some of you in similar boats can share some things?