Thinking about walking away

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Wolfenstein666, May 24, 2017.

  1. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    -Frustration-laden Rant Warning

    I've posted a couple threads in the past about how my current band is a slow moving one, how frustrating it is etc, etc. But something happened today that really is making me reconsider moving forward with bands in general.

    In an effort to alleviate some of the anxiety associated with a slow moving band, I put word out that I was looking to audition for a side project. I got hit up relatively quickly for a three piece band that had currently a guitarist / vocalist and a drummer, and were looking to flesh out the line up with a bassist. We arranged a date to get together, all was well.

    Fast forward to the day of the audition (about a week after setting the date) and he texts me to tell me that the drummer can't make it because he's working OT. I thought, fine. No big deal, it happens. We set up a new date.

    I saw the guitar player at a local gig that weekend and we talked for a few, and decided on today for the audition. Both parties expressed excitement at the potential for jamming with new people.

    Messaged him today to make sure we were still on and he told me that a relative had just passed yesterday, but over the weekend (same weekend I saw him) that they tried out another bassist and "for the sake of time" were going with him instead.

    I wished him condolences for his loss and deleted his number.

    I mean, ***? I'm sorry he suffered a loss, but that has little to do with my audition as it happened after they tried someone else out. He went behind my back after telling me for two weeks we we're going to jam. I understand if after I auditioned they went with someone else, that's just the way the game works. But to do it the way he did it really left a bad taste in my mouth.

    This, in conjunction with the fact that I'm having trouble even getting my current band mates to communicate on basic stuff and I'm pulling all the weight really has me considering packing it in. I'm going back to school in August for Industrial Engineering and I can make time for a band, but I'm really struggling to see the purpose right now. I'm sick of being tethered down and held back by other people's lack of ambition or drive to do something. I'm sick of having my time wasted. I'm sick of shouldering all the weight.

    I feel like I need to pursue something that isn't so dependent on other people, because lately other people have been sources of immense frustration and let downs.

    I don't really need advice, just needed a place to vent. It's all extremely discouraging.
  2. Chicory Blue

    Chicory Blue Secretly Queen of the Moon Supporting Member

    *slides you a drink*

    Hell is other people.
    How about a solo project?

  3. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    *grabs said drink and downs it*

    Been thinking about that, I just don't really know what I'd want to do or how I'd want to go about it. I have no intentions of walking away from bass at all, but thinking maybe I can just take some time off and study some theory and learn some of my favorite songs for fun.
  4. bobba66


    May 18, 2006
    Arlington, Texas
    Do it!:woot:
    Old Blastard and Wolfenstein666 like this.
  5. Chicory Blue

    Chicory Blue Secretly Queen of the Moon Supporting Member

    Furthering your mastery of music is never a bad idea. If you've got a creative itch, though, I find that songwriting, livelooping, and home recording are excellent substitutes for having reliable musical friends.

    Even with unreliable friends, though, given the right equipment you can put together some pretty cool recording projects even from afar.

    No replacement for the stage, I'd imagine, but fine ways to keep your hands busy, at least.

  6. Keep your standards reasonable.

    Hold out for like-minded musicians and vet them carefully before committing. Don't feel guilty about avoiding time wasters.

    When I learned that trick, the quality of musicians I worked with went up and it became fun and rewarding.
  7. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    i really do appreciate your sorry about all of that. and taking the time to do other things related to music is always appropriate when the time is available. and this is certainly a place for a rant.

    don't confuse the baby for the bath! good luck on your journey. :thumbsup:

    finding satisfying playing situations is partly good luck, but mostly hard work: don't give up!

    Wolfenstein666 likes this.
  8. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    That's the source of my frustration, is I feel that I've done of good job of being reasonable. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect open communication regarding band issues and accountability when auditioning new musicians. Unfortunately that seems to not be the case where I'm at.
    TinIndian and J-Bassomatic like this.
  9. jeffbassguy

    jeffbassguy "Less is more, unless the guitarist sucks"

    Feb 4, 2001
    Why not explore the idea of just being a sub/hired gun. When I got tired of the band dramas I gave my notice, hit up a couple open mics, spread the word I was available for sub work and got calls right away. It has been a breath of fresh air to not get all emotional about people not doing what you need, picking and choosing if and when you play, and honestly I have had to learn way more tunes and styles which has made me a better player.
  10. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    Honestly had never considered this. I've only ever gone the band route and have never dipped my toes in the sub/hired gun game. I might have to give this some serious consideration.
  11. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Don't sell your equipment!
    GKon, Mike N, nbsipics and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    Wouldn't dream of it. Not walking away from music, I'm only thinking about hanging it up with bands for awhile.
    Spidey2112 likes this.
  13. Spidey2112


    Aug 3, 2016
    *Sips a shot of Don Julio, as it's way too expensive to share with the in-laws*

    Wolfie, that sounds like a good idea...
    Pbassmanca and Wolfenstein666 like this.
  14. Pumpkin


    May 19, 2016
    Washington, DC
    There's nothing wrong with ditching a band that isn't going anywhere. The only thing I would note is that my band mates have been much harder working/ better behaved (with one notable exception) since we started gigging the material out.
    Wolfenstein666 likes this.
  15. Steadfast


    Sep 28, 2015
    Search Me
    I have kind of gone semi-solo for my original music because of the same crap. Now--if I could figure out how to do without a drummer ( I hate drum machines)......
    Wolfenstein666 likes this.
  16. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    We have a gig lined up and our album is being mixed (finally) so I'm holding out to see if things get better. But I'm now fully prepared to walk away if they don't.
  17. Spidey2112


    Aug 3, 2016
    I met a drummer/BL... :D:roflmao::D:roflmao:) that had hit me up on BandMix, and never even got to play a note of the songs we agreed on, before he obviously decided I wasn't fit for his band...

    ... drummer... bandleader... :D:roflmao::D:roflmao:!
  18. How about starting your own band. Cherry pick the good, like-minded musicians of YOUR choice, and proceed in the direction and speed that you ALL want to go.
  19. Wolfenstein666


    Dec 19, 2014
    This is something I could see myself doing after a hiatus. I don't think I have the mental fortitude to dive into that right now. The past year or so has been pretty soul-crushing from a progress standpoint, so I'd for sure want some time to recharge my batteries.
    jwilson67, Stumbo and Remoman like this.
  20. Holdsg

    Holdsg Talkbass > Work Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 10, 2009
    Alta Loma, CA
    At start of 2017 I got tired to start-ups that went no where, so I decided to market myself as a sub on both bass and keys.
    I started out contacting some bands I already knew about that were actively gigging. Just stating my qualifications and that I was available to sub whenever needed.
    I have done one sub bass gig, and have another (with different band) on 6/13 as a result of this (on bass).
    The band I approached for keys started out with one sub gig, then the keys player quit and now I am #1 keyboard player for that band.
    YMMV, but the sub approach is working for me.

    edit: One thing that helped me get those sub gigs, is going to the band's websites and learning all of their "song lists". Nothing makes BL more happy than to tell him/her "I already actively play all the songs on your list".
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