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This Is Not A Crackhouse Lady!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by aaronhutson, Jul 5, 2012.


  1. So first I would lay to put out a disclaimer! **I am not racist!!!** ;)

    If you just want the funny part skip to the bottom!

    Okay so A little background info. I just started playing with a band I found over Craigslist. Great guys and talented musicians. The band recently relocated to Tulsa after they all graduated from Missouri State and all played ball there. They are all very large, buff, black guys. And here I am.. In college, skinny, white guy, playing bass!

    Anyways.. So we practice at the drummers house. He lives with his two brothers in a VERY rough part of town. (If you know Tulsa, its on Harvard by Tecumseh and Apache. Sort of by I-244) Its a bad part of town. But his job is up the street and he bought the house for super cheap. To explain how rough the place is.. I'll tell a side story from the same rehearsal.

    I walked in, See a .22 rifle by the door with some shot shells for a .22. I asked what was up with that. The drummer tells me how he put in a window ac unit while his real ac is getting replaced. But his neighbors keep trying to steal it every night. So he scares them off with that because when he pops a round into the tree in the front yard they think its a real shotgun. Ha.

    The other two guys, singer and guitarist, live in a better part of town. And I live in a small redneck town outside of Tulsa. So we arent quite as used to this stuff.. But its nothing too new to us.

    Funny Part is Here!!

    We have been practicing for about an hour when a little, bald, old looking, black lady knocks on the door. The singer looks out the window and sees an old lady standing in the heat and answers the door. As soon as he twists the knob, the lady starts walking inside and blabbing about not interrupting or something and keeps trying to walk in. The drummer jumps from behind his kit saying "Ah no. We dont need none 'a dat in hee'ya!" and forces the lady outside (not vioolently! Just in a way that says he's not playing around!). The lady continues to say how this is a crack-house and she needs to buy. The drummer, who is ticked, explains, in a very serious but polite way, that this is not a crack-house and how they need to quit trying to come onto his property with their drugs or he will let out his dog and take care of business in a very non-christian way! The lady looked all confused and said that there are lots of cars at the house and loud music and that it must be a crack house and she just wants to buy what she needs. So the drummer just told her to leave now or we would have to make her leave because there were women and children inside and we wanted no part in any drugs or anything.

    Crazy crack-heads... :rollno: And the whole time I am putting my shiny, looks-like-it-would-sell-for-alot-in-a-pawn-shop bass in the case and out of sight in case any other crazies came up at the same time! And the rest of the guys were doing this! > :bag:

    That was probably the weirdest thing to happen at a rehearsal!
     
  2. pmchenry

    pmchenry

    May 6, 2012
    SE PA
    Pro-tip: Rather than explaining that you're not a racist, just leave race out of the story entirely. It's a very funny story, whether the characters involved are black, white, green, or purple. Just leaving out any adjectives involving color will keep you from being misunderstood. Just a friendly suggestion :D
     
  3. pmchenry, you're probably right. Ha. Its probably only funny when i'm standing next to them and am 100 lbs smaller, a foot shorter, and can only bench as much as they curl with one arm. Ha.

    As for the purple people.. Mitch Hedburg said that there has to be a line drawn somewhere.. So I trust him! :p
     
  4. Don't leave your gear there. It hurts to read about stolen gear from fellow bassist:(
     
  5. pmchenry

    pmchenry

    May 6, 2012
    SE PA
    Just don't take his advice on heroine use :p
     
  6. cnltb

    cnltb

    May 28, 2005
    It's a funny-ish story, but I have no idea where race is relevant here.
     
  7. lowfreq33

    lowfreq33

    Jan 27, 2010
    Nashville
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    The humor comes in because he's completely out of place. That's why race is relevant, the context is necessary to the story. Imagine Danny Bonaduce showing up for a James Brown gig. If it was a trailer park and some chick showed up looking for the meth lab it would just be a bad situation.
     
  8. lowfreq33 is right. The fact that I am so far out of place is what makes the story. Im good freinds with these people so a in no way slandering or anything of the sort. But how many times has someone came into your practice space insisting that it is a crackhouse and that they need to buy their fill?
     
  9. boynamedsuse

    boynamedsuse Supporting Member

    Oct 13, 2010
    What you or your bandmates look like is irrelevant IMHO. Just say it's a very bad part of town and everyone will get the point.

    The story was funny. :D
     
  10. bassmonkeee

    bassmonkeee Supporting Member

    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA

    No, three giant ex football players who are black and a skinny 150-lb-when-soaking-wet white guy on bass is funny.

    Even this more-liberal-than-you liberal can see that.
     
  11. Heck yeah. You guys show up anywhere and you become the punter. (as in the smallest guy on the football team)

    Never had a crackhead show up, but tweakers have came by with similar requests. It becaomes especially bad when you practice inside a built out garage that has only a deadbolt. Yeah, we reinforced the door lock and added a few, immediately.
     
  12. Spinal Tapper

    Spinal Tapper

    Nov 15, 2007
    Chicago
    yea man. U gotta be careful leaving gear there. I used to live and rehearse next to a house with real crack heads- they broke into our place one day, took an xbox and some other stuff, but didn't touch our gear, surprisingly. Maybe it was too heavy to grab all at once. My car also was broken into twice, once I accidentally left the passenger door open (rookie mistake, was taking a girl home one night and she left it unlocked, and I didn't think to check it- actually CAUGHT the guy leaning into my car), and another time my window was completely bashed out. I think they took about $.06.

    Anyways, be careful.

    btw I didn't think your story was racist. I thought it was funny.
     
  13. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    Just go into the bathroom, cut some chunks out of a bar of white soap, and give the people what they want. I bet you could make a few thousand dollars off of a brick of Ivory.

    Just sayin.
     
  14. grinx

    grinx

    Mar 24, 2003
    Raleighwood, NC
    cute story

    i think the race card needed to be played. since he's a small white guy playing bass in an otherwise black band, it gives a completely un-stereotyped inverted context.


    kinda like that Saturday Night Live skit where at a party a small, white guy says to the tall, black guy "Say, you must be a basketball player" and the black guy says "No, you must be a jockey"
     
  15. throughthefire

    throughthefire

    Oct 1, 2010
    Utah
    Just leave the bathsalts alone while you're in there! :D
     
  16. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2006
    Tulsa, OK
    That part of town isn't as bad as others (ya been around 61st & Peoria lately?), but yeah, it's certainly a low-income area. Funny story. :D
     
  17. 150 when wet? I wish...:crying:
     
  18. bonifayfl

    bonifayfl

    Dec 2, 2011
    Nashville, TN
    Seems race was mentioned to show the level of intimidation. Sometimes, beleive it or not, race does play into situations. Just added to the fish out of water situation. I am a big guy froom a very rural area and ending up in a bad part of town, no matter the race of the locals, can feel like a big red flag.

    Funny story. Never thought of it that way but band practice does end up looking like a party.
     
  19. nortonrider

    nortonrider

    Nov 20, 2007
    The "Hood"!
    yeah, I got where he was going right away.

    Like it or not.... Race always plays a role. It's the world in which we live!

    A friend bought one of those $1. urban blight houses.
    He figured that he would make it livable and provide some low income family with a decent home.
    He would work during the day, leave and come back the next morning to see his work destroyed and the place vandalized with stuff like "white boy go home" and "kill whitey" painted on the walls.
    Over and over again.

    He finally just gave up and just walked away - who could blame him?
     
  20. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    So it was you that sold me that piece of 'rock'.

    On a serious note, you should have told her that you were going to give her some crack, and then start playing some Rick Astley. It would have been the ultimate Rick Roll.
     

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