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Throwing a Fit and Leaving the Band

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Folmeister, Apr 26, 2004.


  1. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    Hear me, Bass Gods!
    Last night I did something that I am doing with increasing, and alarming, frequency. After the second disasterous gig in a row with a country group that I have been torturously trying to nurture for a year I threw a complete fit, packed up my PA, and told the entire group that I was never going to play with them again. O.K., I know this sounds bad, and I don't need any psychological advice about maturity, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, or suggestions about anger management. But here is my story: I helped found a country/rock project with two other people a year ago. We went through a least five personnel changes during that time, mostly due to the perceptions that we were dull and boring as a band and to general flakiness of other players. The worst part was that we could not hold on to a decent drummer. We got hooked up with a guy who said he played drums and could get back a pedal steel player that we lost months before to another group. We said "alright, let's give it a shot." It turns out that he can't really play drums all that well, but he could sing, could get the pedal steel player back in the band, and get some gigs at a local restaurant. I was really hesitant, but the other founding members were really eager to gig the project and I let it go. Both gigs were total disasters. The drummer could neither keep a beat or a tempo. He did not learn the tunes, and never wrote down rehearsed arrangements. He just kind of made up his own thing. Even though we had cheat sheets, the other players kept forgetting parts or got mixed up (they all claimed stage fright after having to cut the first set short due to guitar equipment malfunctions). The singer could not keep time during vocal breaks (think "Brown-Eyed Girl" and the part that goes, "and do you remember when . 2 3 4 5 6. we used to sing") I think because her clunky shoes made it virtually impossible to tap her foot. I warned the group that we did not have enough material for the date (we only had to fill three hours) and we started bickering over what songs we were going to play for a second time half-way through the third set. I lost it. Right there on stage and in front of everyone's mother, I made it perfectly clear that we were sucking up a storm and I expected more. Then I cut and run. They all really hate me for that, now. Am I just a major di** or what?
     
    Zodion likes this.
  2. bill h

    bill h

    Aug 31, 2002
    small town MN
    Don't ask questions to don't want the answers to.
     
  3. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    hey, you only have one life. don't waste it on folks who don't want the same thing out of it that you do. i think you did the right thing, if that's how you felt.

    now what are you going to do?
     
    Zodion likes this.
  4. SuperDuck

    SuperDuck

    Sep 26, 2000
    Wisconsin
    The only thing I would have avoided was throwing the fit onstage. Saying that you're sucking or doing badly is one of my biggest pet peeves. Take it like a man, and once you're offstage, deal with what you need to.
     
  5. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    It's all good, Brothers and Sisters, keep it coming! This is cheaper than Dr. Freud's couch. Losing my cool was a majorly bad decision I now know, but what to do about it? I guess I will go to anger management. . . .and join another band! God bless Craig's List!


    :help:
     
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  6. jazzbo

    jazzbo

    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    I grew up in CoCo county.
     
  7. JPJ

    JPJ

    Apr 21, 2001
    Chicago, IL
    I thought that's how EVERYBODY quits a band!!! :D :smug:
     
    Zodion likes this.
  8. RicPlaya

    RicPlaya

    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    After a year I would be upset too. But .... how was rehearsal? Couldn't you tell it was doomed to fail from your practice sessions? Were these people good and tight during practice and then just fell apart on stage? Something doesn't add up here to me.
     
  9. rllefebv

    rllefebv

    Oct 17, 2000
    Newberg, Oregon
    My situation's kind of opposite in that the rehersals would be kind of rough and then the show would pull together... Practice always seemed a bit haphazard, then gigs would go well...

    Told the drummer Saturday night, (after one of our best nights ever), that I was gone... I'll play anything currently scheduled if needed, but I've found another 'situation' more to my liking... Now tomorrow, I've got to break it to the other two... :meh:

    -robert
     
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  10. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Right thing, wrong way though.
     
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  11. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    The prior rehearsal was actually tolerable! My neighbors, who love the free music and are my greatest critics, liked what they heard. I have actually been in contact with the pedal steel player today and he seemed to be really embarrased that his initial backlash was fueled by alcohol. This may be a case of too many beers, something I am going to investigate.
     
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  12. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    Its verdant serenity calls you homeward.
     
  13. jazzbo

    jazzbo

    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    You should fill out your profile, so we can learn more about you. I spent a lot of time in Pleasant Hill, gigging around and so forth, and depending upon your age, we might know some of the same people.
     
    Zodion likes this.
  14. lol, dont go to anger management. everyone looses their cool. when i play video games and i lose 100 times in a row and it seems impossible i get pissed off and start throwing things and unplug the game, but later i come back and im even better at it and i beat it in one try.
     
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  15. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    O.K., I filled out more of my profile. I am just turning 40 and have lived in PH for the last five years. I teach part-time over at DVC, so it is really convenient (history, not bass). But, I grew up in Lafayette. Back in the mid 1980s I was really involved with the East Bay music scene with a band called Skyline. We used to play with Eddie and the Tide, Chris Loiter and the Hangouts, Vital Signs, Billy Satellite, members of Eddie Money's bands, Castle Blak, and a whole host of other mostly forgotten groups. I am still a bit woozy from that era. I only started playing again a few years ago after I got through a devastating experience with Carpal Tunnel. If this is an innapropriate place to chat, do you want to exchange e-mail addresses?
     
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  16. lamarjones

    lamarjones Supporting Member

    Aug 27, 2002
    Raleigh, NC
    If you think something may not right, not only is it not right, its way off in left field! Next time you think a player might not work for you, give no chances to that guy. That is the only way you are going to ever get a band that is of total satisfaction to you.

    Don't mold players. If they can't mold themselves, it won't ever happen.
     
  17. be glad you weren't with them for an extended period of time, recorded a full disc, and right before the release of it you quit... like me... now i have no credit on the album (they didn't even have the new guy play the parts, it's still me, but his photo), the first single AND the name of the album was the tune i wrote! the only tune i wrote due to the fact that i really didn't trust the "bandleader"... ouch... :meh:
     
  18. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    That's why you get your stuff copyrighted, gusto, my friend. My old singer/writer in a past band did that. I hear it's not a hard process.
     
  19. you are so right, and at the time i wish i would have done that. unfortunately i assumed we were friends and it wasn't necessary... man, have i changed my thoughts on that!
     
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  20. RicPlaya

    RicPlaya

    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    Well getting hammered and trying to play is not the best route obviously. Tolerable practices? We don't get up there unless we are tight, I mean tight. We develop our set list for an upcomming show and just go over it untill we hate every song with a passion, I'm talking dozens of times untill we get all the kinks worked out and we are all satisfied with what everyone is doing. You play how your practice.