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Time to hang up the bass for a while...(Parental Content)

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Starflyer59, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. Well I've been playing in two bands and church and the story is really simple. My wife is pregnant and she's due in February next year.

    I know that i have to take a "break" from playing as i am busy 2 or 3 weekends out of the month. Any advice from the family bass players???
  2. bass_snake

    bass_snake Banned

    Aug 13, 2008
    Stouffville, Ontario
    I know how you feel. I have a son myself and planning for the next one.

    Maybe stop band and just do the church playing. Or the other way around.


  3. I regret stopping for 20 years.... I would def keep the church and stop playing in the bars...though not sure that is great for a young family. It will keep your chops and ear up and allow you to get back into playing more when you have more time.
  4. brianrost

    brianrost Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2000
    Boston, Taxachusetts
    I didn't stop playing when my children were born. Still not sure it was the best choice even with my 20+ years hindsight.

    Like Troy and bass_snake wrote, staying with the church band might be a good idea. That way at least you'll keep your hand in, plus it's a family-oriented activity.
  5. I would definitely keep the church gig if I were you. I assume that it's your home church, so you're probably going to be there on Sunday mornings anyways, right? So you might as well be playing while you're there.
  6. DiabolicLow B

    DiabolicLow B Supporting Member

    Nov 12, 2009
    Ontario, Canada
    Whatever you do don't stop playing all together.
    My wife and I just had our first baby, our guitarist and drummer have two kids each and we are still playing about 4-5 gigs a month (we are all early 40's).

    We are very lucky that our wifes are very supportive about the band and if that is a problem just hand them your gig money after each show!
  7. Curtybob


    Jun 2, 2007
    Jackson, MO
    Paying gigs? If so, then it's a job. You wouldn't quit your job when a baby is born, would you? Money is money. So long as you aren't gonna go to jail for income, keep doing it.

    That being said, a month or two paternity leave is great. But don't quit, unless you are unhappy with the overall outcome and sound of your band.
  8. Curtybob


    Jun 2, 2007
    Jackson, MO
    Oh wait... 2 or 3 weekends out of the year? Don't quit that! I spend more than that just cleaning my ears out.
  9. nutdog

    nutdog when I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone Supporting Member

    Feb 19, 2009
    in the dog house
    I've certainly rearranged my priorities but I could never quit. My kids wouldn't want me to. They like it when Daddy rocks. And they're learning. My little girl wrote and recorded her own songs at 8. Love hearing and seeing her play her little bass and sing.

    Last night I played at an outdoor party with bonfire, canoes, petting zoo. They loved it.
  10. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Yes, you have to rearrange your priorities, and you won't have as much time to play as you used to. But you shouldn't have to stop playing altogether. Sit down with your wife and go over schedules and come to an agreement about when she has the baby and you have your music time and when you have the baby and she has time for whatever she needs to do. Of course, family comes first, don't wreck your marriage over your bass time. It will be the most hectic for the first couple or few months -- the baby's schedule will be all over the place and she'll have the baby blues, all that. Then it should get on a bit more regular of a cycle of eat, play, and sleep and you should be able to carve out those niches of time.
  11. tycobb73


    Jul 23, 2006
    Grand Rapids MI
    I use a Tascam Bass Trainer to practice while the kids are asleyep. Most of my gigs are while my kids are in bed. I still get up at 7:30 with them.

    What other part time job has hours that interfere with your family so little?
  12. panama


    May 26, 2009
    I have a 14 month old and took 14 months off playing in a band. Recently got something together and we're starting to write, but we can only meet for 3-4 hours/week so it's a slow process.
  13. fish slapper

    fish slapper

    Nov 17, 2005
    Newberg, OR
    My experience and my advice exactly. +1

    Kids are a great addition to life but a detriment to the weekend gigging thing. Something to look forward to in your "empty nest" years.
  14. Staccato

    Staccato Low End Advocate

    Aug 14, 2009
    Do, enjoy your time with headphones in the woodshed.

    Remember, a baby in the womb needs to hear your bass practicing at low volume through an amp on a regular basis!

    Why? This will allow the baby to sleep during some of your bass practice after birth due to conditioning in the womb. I'm not kidding, this is important.
    Write that down!

    Enjoy your time during the next few months, and get back to playing gigs by next Summer...
  15. Here is my experience. I have a 2 year old and #2 will be here in February. I play in 2 bands and I'm contemplating a 3rd. There's no reason why you should quit playing bass. You both don't always have to be with the baby 24/7. You just have to return that time to her. If she wants to go out with friends or shopping alone, you step up and take care of the baby. You can both have lives and still be good parents. Showing co-operation and teamwork is good parenting.
    Of course during the first 2-3 months things will probably grind to a halt.
  16. Curtybob


    Jun 2, 2007
    Jackson, MO
  17. Bassamatic

    Bassamatic keepin' the beat since the 60's Supporting Member

    You may need to change your schedule, but you should never stop playing. It is for sure that you will regret it.

    I have been in many bands where the members have busy family issues, but have always found ways to work around it.

    I REALLY like the idea of pre-birth baby conditioning. Can't hurt, right?
  18. Yeah, NEVER give up!!! I did for awhile, and regret the heck out of it. I like the idea of talking to your wife about it. And if it's not a financial burden, I would say to atleast play in the church. Like the others said, this way you can include your family in on your playing. Do what you gotta do, but never give it up.
  19. Thanks for all your support.

    I barely play in church (once a month if i am lucky) and the paying gigs are average 1-3 times a month. I am thinking of taking a break in Jan for a few months just to help out and be with my baby ( i still don't know what gender is).

    My wife is very supportive of my playing she was even at the bar gig this past Friday. Of course she didn't drink ;)
  20. Dec1975


    Aug 30, 2006
    Cedar Park, TX
    I found myself in the same position this year. I was playing drums in the same band every Thursday night (rehearsals), either Friday or Saturday night (gigs), and Sunday morning (worship). My wife has always been very supportive of my playing. However, we started fostering to adopt three little ones aged five, three and 7 months, and I took a break. For us, it was the best decision I could have made. I still play on Sundays (bass), and I get two free nights free for my family.

    And really, that's what it's about for me- my family. I enjoy my family time way more than I enjoy playing.

    BTW, SF59 is one my all-time favorite bands.

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