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To Quit or not to Quit...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Resonance129, Jan 20, 2017.


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  1. Resonance129

    Resonance129

    Feb 15, 2011
    Georgia
    Venting/looking for some advice... Apologies if I get wordy.

    Been having some issues with the band I've been playing with for a while, now.
    I met them about 6-7 months ago and have been playing with them, since. Neo-Funk/R&B kinda stuff. The music isn't exactly what I'd like to be playing ( I want to play stoner/groove metal and/or classic rock), but I wasn't being very picky when they found my profile on Bandmix.com and reached out. I simply wanted to play, and because they had an opening and seemed cool, I figured I'd try it out.

    To attempt to summarize, we're simply on different pages...:

    - Rehearsals are haphazard and pointless
    - There's very little structure to the music we HAVE worked on (only a few songs, btw)
    - The BL is really adamant about exposure and playing everywhere we can, every time there's an opportunity so that we can blow up and get paid the big bucks and be huge stars. While there's nothin necessarily WRONG with that, I'm not really interested in all that. Being the realist I always have been, I don't expect to BLOW UP with no traditional training or experience at my age. I simply enjoy music. If something big happens while we're just messing around, I'm not running, but I'm also not chasing record deals..
    - We don't function as a group - the original 2 members identify as the group while the drummer and I are aux instrumentation which would be fine if it weren't laid out like we'd be a group from the beginning, not to mention the fact that we're always referred to as band members.. Only members when they need us on stage.
    - To add to the last point, the 2 original members tend to just book stuff or plan studio visits/video shoots, and then just tell the drummer and I when to show up. Maybe I'm just too new to gigging with a group but I feel like anything that could involve us all, as a group, should be brought to the table before dates are set.

    There's more I could mention, but I'll spare you.
    With all of those things, I'm also not interested in the music anymore. Partially because I just have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing, but partially because of the lack of structure. We just jam the songs out and watch the BL for winks and head nods until we somehow kinda sorta halfway end it (?)... Just another reason it's been this long and we only have a few songs to play...

    Everyone else in the group seems happy (or at least very content), but I'm not feeling it anymore. I'm tempted to leave to search for another group that plays stuff I get excited about, but don't want to just leave them hanging without a bassist after this amount of time when they're talkin about auditioning for talent shows and studio work (curse my consideration). Plus, the next group I find could be a big ol crap shoot...

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Resonance129

    Resonance129

    Feb 15, 2011
    Georgia
    Aw crap, I meant to put this under "Band Management"...
    Sorry bout that...
     
  3. MYLOWFREQ

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    New York
    Well, here's a couple of questions:

    Are you having fun?
    Are you getting paid?

    If the answer is "no" to both, I'd quit.
     
    RSBBass likes this.
  4. Leave immediately.

    Do not look back.

    Never think about them again.
     
  5. Resonance129

    Resonance129

    Feb 15, 2011
    Georgia
    I was, at one point, having fun. But that's almost completely fizzled.
    Don't get me wrong, I've learned a lot while playing with them about figuring out my sound, my settings, amps/cabs, and all the in between stuff, so it ain't ALL bad. I'm just not feelin the group/music anymore.
    As far as pay, technically, yes, we've received a small amount of money for 2 of the gigs we played. Is that amount significant enough to be ok with what's going on? Not really.

    Guess I'll at least start perusing CL and BM for other opportunities...
     
    MYLOWFREQ likes this.
  6. Resonance129

    Resonance129

    Feb 15, 2011
    Georgia

    Straight to it lol.
    Mind if I ask your reasoning for such a strong answer/suggestion?
     
  7. Richland123

    Richland123

    Apr 17, 2009
    monty-python-run-away.
     
    dbase, Torrente Cro and bassbully like this.
  8. They are not good for you and are impeding your progress.

    You haven't got time in this short life to waste a minute on such inane nonsense.
     
    dbase likes this.
  9. Resonance129

    Resonance129

    Feb 15, 2011
    Georgia
    Point taken.
    Well said.
     
  10. Dean N

    Dean N

    Jul 4, 2006
    Pittsburgh, PA
    You answered your own question. Move on to something you enjoy. It's either the hang, the music, and/or the money that makes it all worthwhile. If your answer is D) None of the above, then exit gracefully.
     
  11. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    I went thru something similar this past summer. Started out great but never felt like a fit in the band so I left...and it worked out great. If I were you, I would do the same.
     
  12. MYLOWFREQ

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    New York
    See there's another factor that I missed which is the experience, and tweaking your sound etc. I missed that!

    I'd look for other projects and play the booked gigs with this band for the time being.
     
  13. twinjet

    twinjet AJ, you're the MAN! Staff Member Supporting Member

    Sep 23, 2008
    49
    The hang, the music or the cash. Three reasons to stay with a band. If not a one of these aren't met, be gone yesterday.
     
    Gaolee likes this.
  14. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    Sounds like you're almost a sideman based on your description. If "the band" wants to play as a "band", then I'd say they need to show you the money. If they can't organize themselves enough to get a paying gig AND given that the music doesn't do it for you, then your choice is simple. Like said above - the music, the hang, the money - pick any two!
     
  15. Spent

    Spent

    May 15, 2011
    Upstate NY
    I get that you are being considerate and I respect it; one of my own personal flaws. I had to quit a band recently (very successful and well paying) for personal reasons. I felt the same way, I didn't want to derail what they had worked so hard to build. As with you, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. The way I looked at it is the way I used to look at breaking up with a girlfriend; they deserve someone who appreciates them and I'm standing in the way. That being said, I gave plenty of notice even offering to play partial gigs as my replacement got up to speed. That was a year ago and we're still on very friendly terms. I was told that when the singer quit the rest of the band was not happy as he did not do it the way I did. Get out, but do it in a way that will cause the least disruption.
     
    T_Bone_TL and JRA like this.
  16. It sounds like it wasn't a good fit and you had mixed emotions and guarded enthusiasm right from the start.

    The only thing worse than making a questionable choice is thinking you have to live with it forever, when you don't.

    Bow out in the most diplomatic and professional way possible. Explain it's not personal or anything someone has done wrong, your heart's just not in it and you can't give 100%, you need to move on, and you'll be generous with your availability and help out with the transition. Set a reasonable time frame for your exit (I usually go one month max) and stick to it. Shake hands, part friends, keep the bridge intact.

    Handle it like a gentleman and any stink that may arise won't be on you.

    Good luck with it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2017
    T_Bone_TL and JRA like this.
  17. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    i'm always surprised that very few TB members ever suggest 'dialogue' as the first best step before making a move (or at least while making a move). why wouldn't you share your disappointment/frustration with your bandmates? if nothing else: just to make sure that your 'view' (impressions) are correct, and perhaps more importantly: that you'd be giving the others an opportunity to respond, possibly/potentially, in your favor (given your issues with them).

    tell them what you're thinking and how you feel: anything you do (or they do!) after that = will be with integrity, but even better: with knowledge! good luck! let us know how things go. :thumbsup:
     
  18. I find this type of post fascinating.

    The OP doesn't mention one positive thing about the band or his situation and is basically being treated like dog crap.

    Although he's being treated like a doormat, he wants to be considerate and not leave them in the lurch.

    To quit or not to quit - hilarious.
     
  19. It's a valid point, and my suggestion to skip this step and resign is probably born by too many bad experiences trying to talk things out and expecting people to change. IME, they usually don't, and it sometimes causes animosity.

    But maybe you're right. Only OP knows these guys well enough to decide how they may respond. But my efforts to gently exact change and reform or rehabilitate projects and people fraught with as many problems as in the OP have almost always failed.

    My personal choice has been to just politely bow out while you still have a chance to do it amicably.
     
  20. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    thanks for your feedback! FWIW: i wasn't 'aiming' my advice to you or your post, but rather the posts (in this thread and other threads) which seem to presume that if "you're not 'happy' you have to quit" without any benefit of 'testing' the situation for optimum/best outcome. so: by attempting/having a dialogue = greater chance of coming to an outcome with a resolution which will favor the next step in the journey.

    IMO, a lot of these threads give 'binary' choices to what the OP's go on to describe as 'gray area' circumstances. in real life, IME, black and white circumstances don't require a lot of dialogue, usually just action. but it's those gray areas where we can 'get lucky'! my .02.
     

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