Sorry, I now that simply posting jokes is a bit lame, but you don't see many tortoise jokes, so why not .... Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away, so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried. He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally, Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all of the sandwiches if he's not there. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, Roy finally agrees. So, Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.... 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving , but a promise is a promise . Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is still a promise . Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it ... Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts, ..................................... "I KNEW IT!!! I'M NOT ****ING GOING NOW!" Made me laugh, anyway.