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Trombone joke

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by JasonRW, Jun 20, 2005.


  1. What's worse than playing with a trombonist?

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    NOTHING!
     
  2. BEING a trombonist :bag: ?
     
  3. What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?
    An optimist.

    What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?
    There are skid marks in front of the snake, or;
    The snake was on his way to a gig.
     
  4. Mike Dimin

    Mike Dimin

    Dec 11, 1999
    Clinician: EA, Zon, Boomerang, TI. Author "The Art of Solo Bass"
    What do you call a woman on the arm of a trombonist ...

    a tatoo
     
  5. ozark

    ozark

    Aug 1, 2005
    near DC
    whats the difference between a trombonist, and a large pizza?

    a pizza can feed a family of four.

    how do you get a trombonist off of your doorstep?

    pay him for the pizza.
     
  6. fraublugher

    fraublugher

    Nov 19, 2004
    ottawa, ontario, canada
    music school retailer
    how do you get a one-armed trombonist out of a tree?

    you wave at him.
     
  7. Jeremy Allen

    Jeremy Allen Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 18, 2002
    Bloomington, IN
    Trombonist got a New Year's gig. Everything went well, the club was packed, the owner was happy. He asks the trombonist "Can you come back next New Year's Eve and do this again?"
    Trombonist says "Sure! You mind if I leave my horn here until then?"

    ***

    Trombonist left his horn in the back seat of his car and forgot to lock the door. When he came back, he was shocked to find that somebody had broken in and left another trombone...
     
  8. larry

    larry Supporting Member

    Apr 11, 2004
    Florida
    Hey now, be nice. If it weren't for trombone players, who would viola players make fun of?

    I know it's not a t-bone joke but,

    Two girls in the orchestra are talking and one asks the other:

    "Is that french horn player you're dating a good kisser?"

    "Not really, his lips are too tight - it's like he's playing his horn. I love how he holds me, though".
     
  9. fr0me0

    fr0me0

    Dec 7, 2004
    Winnipeg Canada
    man I used to play tombone :(
     
  10. MartinT

    MartinT

    Apr 16, 2003
    San Mateo CA
    A gentleman is someone who can play the trombone, but doesn't.
     
  11. Ed Fuqua

    Ed Fuqua

    Dec 13, 1999
    NYC
    Chuck Sher publishes my book, WALKING BASSICS:The Fundamentals of Jazz Bass Playing.
    Man this is old...


    Anyway, how can you tell which kid on the playground has a bone player for a parent?


    He never swings and can't use the slide....


    There's another visual joke that I'll try to describe.

    You: HOW DOES A TROMBONE PLAYER PLAY ONE NOTE SAMBA?
    Victim: I DON"T KNOW, HOW?

    So, start singing the melody to ONE NOTE SAMBA (which of course starts out repeating a single note) all the time miming pushing and pulling the slide up down and all around for every note you articulate. Then when you get to the bridge, you pull your hand up close to your mouth and sing the whole bridge without moving the "slide"...
     
  12. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    Ontario
    Jeez, dude. At least that awful time in your life has passed...
     
  13. cold elephant

    cold elephant

    May 9, 2005
    Slightly longer, but here goes....


    A trombonist is out on a country walk. He notices a field of sheep and wanders over to the fence. upon seeing this strange man staring at his woolly quadripeds, a worried farmer makes his way over to him. "anything i could help you with?" "well....." says the trombonist, "it's just that i've always wanted a sheep of my own......." "tell you what," says the farmer, always a generous soul, "you can keep one, if you can guess how many i have in all my fields in total." so the trombonist scratches his head for a while, screws up his eyes..........."279!" he answers. "that's AMAZING!" said the farmer, astonished. "well, i'm a man of my word, so go ahead and take one." the trombonist turns to leave with the animal when the farmer says - "wait a minute. you're a trombonist, aren't you?" so the startled man replies "how on earth could you tell?"




    "put the dog down and we'll talk about it." :D
     
  14. Jeremy Allen

    Jeremy Allen Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 18, 2002
    Bloomington, IN
    Me too. It's okay, everyone's been kind enough to tell the jokes very s-l-o-w-l-y for you and me...
     
  15. hdiddy

    hdiddy Official Forum Flunkee Supporting Member

    Mar 16, 2004
    San Francisco, CA
    You think trombone is bad... try accordion. :bawl: :bag:
     
  16. Freddels

    Freddels Musical Anarchist

    Apr 7, 2005
    Sutton, MA
    Yes! I started on the accordian. My mother wanted a piano player but there were no door to door piano salesmen that day . . . hence . . .
     
  17. jrduer

    jrduer

    Jun 27, 2005
    Georgetown, TX
    Et tu, hdiddy? Me, too, hdiddy!

    (BTW, you should drop the "h" -- I'm sure it gets between you and your fans. :D )

    ~John
     
  18. mpm

    mpm

    May 10, 2001
    Los Angeles
    Ed, I have a customer that has a 3 valve bass trombone and he actually can play "One Note Samba" as you described! Scary...
     
  19. arnoldschnitzer

    arnoldschnitzer AES Fine Instruments

    Feb 16, 2002
    Brewster, NY, USA
    How do you improve the aerodynamic efficiency of a trombone player's car?

    Remove the Domino's Pizza sign.