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uh.. yeah

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by AllodoX, Sep 8, 2001.

  1. Q:What is the difference between a Bassplayer and a toilet ?
    A: A toilet has to put up with only 1 person's crap at a time.

    Q:How can you tell if the stage is perfectly horizontal ?
    A:The guitaris is drewling from both mouth-ends.

    Q:what's the similarity between a guitarsolo and premature ejaculation ?
    A:you know it's going to come, but there's nothing you can do to stop it.
  2. Carolyn


    Jun 18, 2001
    Newcastle UK
    ApoloA drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his
    instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes
    to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the
    accordions, please."
    The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our
    accordions are over there."

    After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in
    the corner."

    The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
    The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
    The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

    Apologies to all my drummer friends .
  3. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    How do you get a drummer off of your front porch?
    Pay him for the pizza!

    How does a guitarist get to park in the handicapped parking spots?
    By placing his guitar strings on the dash board!

    If a guitarist, a drummer, and a lead singer is in a car, who's driving?
    The police officer.

  4. Bass Guitar

    Bass Guitar Supporting Member

    Aug 13, 2001
    LOL! :D

    Harsh, but funny!
  5. notduane


    Nov 24, 2000

    • What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger?
      Eventually, the puppy stops whining.

      What's the difference between a dead guitarist in the
      middle of the road, and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
      There are skid marks in front of the snake.

      What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?

      What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
      A drummer.

      How can you tell when there's a drummer knocking on your door?
      He slows down, then comes in too soon anyway.

      Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
      Took him two hours to get the drummer out.
  6. What's the difference between a female vocalist and a pit-bull?

    The lipstick.....

    How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?

    12, 1 to change it and 11 to say they could have done it better.

    The manager of a band walks into a gig and sees the guitar player and bass player fighting...The manager, concerned for the boys, interrupts the fight and asks what the problem was. The guitar player responds, "All I did was detune one of his strings..." So the manager asks the bassist why he got so upset...Then the bass player responded "...yeah, but he won't tell me which one..."

    By the way the last one was told to me by a dear friend of mine who happened to be a guitar player....God rest his soul...:D
  7. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    5. One to do it, and 4 to sit around and talk about how great Neil Peart used to do it.
  8. Brendan

    Brendan Supporting Member

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Ba Dum CHING!

    That's great...never heard that one before. Classic.:D
  9. I got one...

    <b>Q:</b> How do you get a reluctant bassist to play a gig.
    <b>A:</b> Give him a cold beer and a hot woman.

    stupid one :( .
  10. *ToNeS*


    Jan 12, 2001
    Sydney AU
    i love it when people know they've made a stupid joke. i love it even more when no-one laughs and leaves them standing there like a gimp. LIKE A GIMP I SAY ! :p
  11. old_skool


    Aug 17, 2000
    Milwaukee, WI
    Q: how many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: 1, but no one notices....

    Q: how can you tell if there is a guitarists kid on the play ground?
    A: he cant swing and doesnt know how to use a slide correctly.
    THUNDERGODX likes this.
  12. Bass Guitar

    Bass Guitar Supporting Member

    Aug 13, 2001
    LOL! That's a classic one! Shall tell that one to one of our guitarists today who has 3 kids... :)
  13. <img src="http://www.resnet.wm.edu/~ijwrig/bueller.jpg">
  14. :oops:
  15. More like a jackass not a Gimp.:p
  16. This will make you laugh, <a href="http://www.joecartoon.com/cartoons/stoneflies2.html">from my buddy Joe.</a>
  17. BenF


    Mar 29, 2001
    Boston area
    Old stuff, but still good...

    What's the difference between a lead signer and the PLO?
    ->You can negotiate with the PLO.

    How does a singer change a light bulb?
    ->She holds onto it while the world revolves around her.

    What do an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
    ->Both suck when you plug them in.

    How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    ->None-the piano player can do it with his left hand.

    What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
    ->You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

    What's the difference between musicians and government bonds?
    ->Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
  18. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?

  19. icks


    Jul 12, 2001
    Charleroi, Belgium
    A drummer and a guitarist are in a car when a bird poops on the hood, the guitarist says "Do you think we have to clean it ? "
    And the drummer answers " No i think it 's gone now.. "


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