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Unsettling experience in class today

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Eli M., Apr 27, 2005.

  1. Eli M.

    Eli M. Life's like a movie, write your own ending

    Jul 24, 2004
    New York, NY
    Warning: long post (and this is not one of those joke posts with a punch line).

    I had a strange experience today, and I can't figure out what was going on.

    I arrived in class (which takes place in a theater), while the last class was running a little overtime. My usual seat was occupied, so I sat down in the back of the room on a folding chair, next to this girl. She tapped me on the shoulder and said she recognized me from a class last semester. We introduced ourselves, then the theater started emptying out and I was able to go to my normal seat.

    She sat right next to me. Generally, in this class, "seat etiquette” dictates that you leave a seat in between unless you’re good friends with the person. So this felt like an invasion of my personal space.

    Somehow we got on the subject of how she thought I was “intimidating” at first. That’s a weird/inappropriate comment, but I asked why, and she told me one reason, that I didn’t seem “comfortable in my clothes.” I was wearing khaki pants with a light blue chambray button-down shirt tucked in. She said I should wear an undershirt underneath and wear the shirt open over it, or that I should roll up my sleeves. According to her that would look “sexy” so she started doing my right sleeve (opening the button and rolling it up). “See, now that looks good.”

    All this plus the way she was acting gave me a feeling she was trying to flirt with me. If not flirting, she was probably trying to make me “let my guard down” - I’ve been told I seem a little distant/serious sometimes.

    We got on the topic of my allergies. She asked me about the severity of my allergic reactions: “So, if I ate some peanuts, then I kissed you, you’d break out in hives or something?” Kind of forward, for someone I barely knew.

    In the same conversation I made an offhand comment about the guy my roommate is dating. The way I said it (not giving a second thought to my roommate’s being gay) may have caused questions in her mind about what my orientation was. So she said, “are you gay or straight?” before saying something about me having a girlfriend someday. This was odd because nobody has ever asked me that, especially not someone who has known me for ten minutes. Even though I have nothing to hide, it seemed like a rather personal question.

    Also, at some point in the conversation she took my folder and drew a smiley face on it and handed it back to me.

    All this time she was having a conversation “at” me where she was asking questions about me and I was answering and she would give her answer back.

    Her: Any brothers or sisters?
    Me: Yes, one of each.
    Her: Older or younger?
    Me: Both older.
    Her: I have an older brother and a younger sister.

    Then she’d go on to the next question. Eventually…
    Her: Okay, here’s the last question that will determine if I like you or not. Do you like anime?
    The answer was no, and she made a negative comment, though I can’t remember it exactly. I knew she was joking, but that kind of joke, in my opinion, is in poor taste. The very idea of not liking someone based on anime seems kind of disgusting. So I jokingly said, “okay, well then, good riddance.” At this point she took my folder back and wrote “your mean” with a frowny face. She asked me if I was serious when I said that and I said no. She had actually been saying mean or odd things in a joking way throughout the conversation, but now she thought I was serious. Either there is something wrong with her or she was playing some sort of weird mind games. I corrected her grammar by changing it to “you’re” and showing it to her. She had some negative reaction but I don’t remember what she said.

    The lecture had begun at this point. In response to something I said, she elbowed me in the arm, which hurt more than she probably intended. That was enough, so without saying a word, I moved over one seat, next to someone who I knew wasn’t going to bother me. Five minutes later, she passed me a paper on which she had written, in part, “Was I really making you that uncomfortable? If I was, let me know.” I responded by listing on the page all the things she did that made me uncomfortable or that I thought were in poor taste:
    -sitting right next to me when it would have been more polite to leave a seat in between
    -“are you gay or straight”
    -asking me questions in an interrogating fashion
    -“do you like anime” determining whether she likes me or not

    There were more. I handed her the paper, and a few minutes later she handed me her responses.
    “I was just trying to get to know you”
    “there’s nothing wrong with sitting right next to someone”
    And in one of them she mentioned “what if I were trying to flirt with you…” I think it confirmed what I had been suspecting.

    She added, “don’t respond unless you’re going to use your voice.”

    After class, I tried to explain myself further. I had barely started talking when she interrupted me and started to criticize me and how I acted and what I wrote. At some point I was able to say, sarcastically, “Well, nice meeting you.” As she finished talking, I walked away.

    The end.

    In terms of how I felt, when I got to class I had been in a very good mood, but this whole experience put me in a foul mood.
    So, what was going on? Was I overreacting? Was I out of line when I enumerated all the things she did that I didn't like? Was she trying to flirt with me (if so, it was a lame attempt)? Was she being weird? I'd like to hear what the wealth of knowledge that is TB has to say about this.
  2. With the very greatest respect, I think you are being more than a little paranoid. The impression I get is that she was, indeed, simply trying to get to know you. :meh: :meh:

    She certainly sounds like a fairly direct individual, but if you are threatened by that, it is really your problem rather than hers isn't it?

    Guess what? I think she MIGHT fancy you!!! :D :D

    My advice/opinion?

    LIGHTEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    All IMHO, of course. :) :)
  3. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Dude..you are friggin clueless. That wasn't weird at all. She was flirting with you. She is interested in you. Relax a little and untuck your shirt.
  4. Pleased you said that. :D :D
  5. tifa

    tifa Padawan Bassist

    Mar 8, 2005
    Blackburn, UK
    It sounds like she had noticed you before and wanted to talk to you - she sat right next to you, made contact with you (touched your clothes etc. - BIG sign of flirting).

    She does sound pretty forward, which can be a little intimidating, but it seems like it was her way of getting you to open up a bit and get to know you.
  6. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    comedy at its best:)

    You could have had some...

    Remeber we say dumb things when we do what she was doing... its not her its everyone:)
  7. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    If you didnt go home and get some "on" with your existing girlfriend you should turn in your male card.
  8. Well, it seems to be unanimous so far!! :D :D :D :D

    Are you, by any chance, very young/naive/inexperienced? With respect, that could explain a lot. :meh: :meh:
  9. burk48237

    burk48237 Supporting Member

    Nov 22, 2004
    Oak Park, MI
    Damm, Why does this never happen too me? :D
  10. pics? :smug:
  11. Because you have bad grammar and spend too much time stalking me.

    Yes, she was flirting with you, and was going ok until you brushed her off - and yes, it was inappropriate to base whether she likes you on your tastes - but she was trying to get to know you a bit better, that's all.

    I don't like the way she criticised you after class, that was wrong - but the rest was fine.

    I probably would have done the same... minus the smilies... that's... girly.
  12. jkritchey


    Jul 23, 2002
    Northern Va.
    Life is not like the movies. Initial meetings / flirtations are more often then not clumsy and embarrassing. Certainly was for me.

    She had a go at you and caught you in a defensive mood. (sorry if I'm reading too much into it). Today's another day....
  13. Blimey - I was assuming she WAS a girl - and you don't get girlier than that. :D :D :D
  14. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    sonded like a woody allen movie to me.... i've played the part ohh so many times. :)

    the all important question.. WAS SHE HOT????????

    i'd ask if you were attracted to her, but it seems you weren't. if you were, then i think i'd go back and say, "Listen, sorry about the other day, i was in a weird space. could we start over?" - and introduce yourself. If you weren't interested then I'd say let it go.

    From the sound of all you wrote I would have to agree with the others that you might need to lighten up a bit. It sounds like she was being real playful and you were being real serious. Not sure how people become more playful - mabe you actually don't need to be more playful and just need to find friends that aren't as playful... I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, I didn't sleep last night... ignore this post.
  15. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    So glad I'm married.

    This girl is immature, this is the kind of social behavior I see from the high school students that I work with.

    brad cook
  16. Dan1099

    Dan1099 Dumbing My Process Down

    Aug 7, 2004
    At that point, you should have said "Why yes, I AM a lot more comfortable out of my clothes" and invited her to the back of the theater. :p
  17. Dan1099

    Dan1099 Dumbing My Process Down

    Aug 7, 2004
    I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Sometimes, this place makes my day.
  18. Really?


  19. YOU RUINED IT !!! Now I'll never be adopted ><
  20. Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.

    hit yer pops up for the rest of the talk.

    edit: I'm joking, btw...

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