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Upright bass joke

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by PIZZAcato, Oct 26, 2005.

  1. How long does it take to tune a Double Bass in a jazz band?
    About 1 minute :bassist:

    How long does it take to tune a Double bass in an Orchestra?
    Its a trick question thats impossible :crying:
  2. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member

    Err...."Lost in Translation"..? :meh:
  3. Im gonna explain but that makes it not funny :scowl:

    In a jazz band you always get it in tune because u can improvise and less instruments are present but,

    if your in an orchestra you can tune forever and the director always says your out of tune(sometimes accidents in finger position)

    It was kind of a dumb joke in the first place so w/e
  4. i dont even get a minute to tune in jazz band. normally i just go by ear while im playing and adjust what needs to be adjusted.

    in orchestra, the second chair is never in tune, and i actually get worse intonation by attending rehearsals. quite the phenomenon.
  5. John Sprague

    John Sprague Sam Shen's US Distributor

    Mar 10, 2003
    Rochester, NY
    Sales Manager, CSC Products Inc.
    Here's a companion joke for the first one then:

    A bassist shows up for the annual Nutcracker gig. Being a bassist, he arrives a little late. The conductor asks if he would like a minute to tune, to which the bassist replies: "Isn't it the same as last year?"


    Aug 26, 2005
    Tuning the bass can be challenging, but I hear that it is much worse for an Oboe:

    question: what is perfect pitch for an oboe?

    answer: when you can toss it from 30 feet and hit dead center in a dumpster.
  7. I had a really bad gig the other night.

    Someone wiseguy turned one of my tuning pegs and wouldn't tell me which one!
  8. Marcus Johnson

    Marcus Johnson

    Nov 28, 2001
    It's really not an issue, there's always plenty of time to tune up after the gig.
  9. Scot

    Scot Supporting Member

    Mar 20, 2004
    Pacifica, CA, USA
    Luckily, mine was already in tune when I bought it.
  10. All this reminds me of a couple of true questions put to me by bedroom guitarists.

    "I mess around with a guitar - I've had it a couple of months - do you tune yours yourself?"


    "How often do you tune it (as in once a week, once a fortnight)?"
  11. Sir Wildebeest

    Sir Wildebeest

    Nov 25, 2005
    lol burn on orchestras

    i only play jazz on upright bass no ochestras for me

    EDIT: lol and oboes suck also