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Variation on a theme

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by bassplayinggirl, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. I just came across this again, and when I searched the forum I found a different version. It's worth re-reading no matter what, but even if you know the joke, check out the ending!

    Dear Bandleader,

    We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. Please play these during the reception:

    A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrrange if for full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.

    Mahavishu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist play John McLaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov 16, 1972 at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we liked his use of polyrhythms.

    One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Out guests love high register tenor saxes.

    We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. So please play "The Rite of Spring". We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93 and transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be much more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register.

    Then for the candle-lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand Wazoo". The original key of B flat would be fine but my cousin would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D - she has kind of a high voice. When my son - in - law takes off the garter, please just a little of Varese's "Ionization". It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over real well. Much better than "The Stripper".

    And for the bride and groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings". It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or "The Anniversary Waltz".

    When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby,My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

    Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich and a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the butler). Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests.

    Thanks for all your help. Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to our friends.

    We'll have your cheque for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in contacting you of $12.50) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to be paid up front his $2,500 as normal. Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater than your need of money, and that you would welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding.

    :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :scowl: :spit:
  2. Dave R

    Dave R

    Sep 21, 2007
    Boise, ID USA
    I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...
  3. Just J

    Just J Guest

    Jul 27, 2007
    I think I'm gonna get another drink.
  4. butchblack

    butchblack Life is short. Do good. Find and do what you love.

    Jan 25, 2007
    Waltham Massachusetts
    I used to work as a wedding photographer/photographer's assistant. That reminds me why I don't do weddings either as a photographer or musician
  5. Obviously balloon arches is the business to be in.:rolleyes:
  6. makaky


    Mar 26, 2004
    Montreal Canada
    This is not that far from reality

  7. I'm just learning the bass but I think I'll stick to playing in church! Scary stuff and I can tell there's at least a degree of truth in it to be funny so -- no thanks.
  8. dreadheadbass


    Dec 17, 2007
    are they for real?
  9. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2006
    Tulsa, OK
    Now THAT'S a wedding reception where I'd like to attend.

    Even if it's not for real...
  10. Jordan


    Feb 22, 2004
    Other than the crappy pay, THAT is what it's all about!


  11. I used to work in the banquet industry (weddings are a staple), and trust me, it's not that far from the truth (slightly exaggerated).
  12. tyggis


    Mar 11, 2008
    Thats what I call an easy gig.
  13. I would go to that wedding.

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