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Ventilation: I am a sham/a fraud/an imposter

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Matt Till, Sep 7, 2004.

  1. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    This is just my I'm absolutely sure that I'm doing the wrong thing with my life thread. I put it in Misc because Misc is for music related issues and that's what my life should be... music. All day I dream not of being a rock star, not of gettin' the bitches drinking all the whiskey I can and headbanging, but of writing music... being in a band. I want to sit at home and write original music all day long but I can't... all my free time is taken up by this sham of a life I'm leading... an art kid.

    I'm a photography major... why? Because the music program said I wasn't good enough. They said I'd have to go through music training before becoming a major...


    Isn't that the point of college, to learn about what you love. I could do things their way, but I'm past the point of no return with my photo major. But I feel I'd be a lousy photographer with my heart only half into it.

    And when I get free time, I'm either tired, other things come up (social life), or I'm uninspired. I need creative people to help me along the way, because I hate mediocre music. I cannot write a song using only G, D, and A and singing, "oh baby, I love you baby, baby baby." On top of that, my girlfriends computer has been screwing up (that's what I record on).

    I don't really care about making a family (though I'm, I hate to use the term, but "tied down" with a girlfriend), I don't care about being a photographer, I don't care about money. I just want to be able to do what I love.

    I know: Put up flyers, get in the local music scene, find people who wanna make music and do it. I'm scared. I'm scared as hell. I don't know why, but it's the hardest thing to make that first step, that's why i want to write some tunes and be able to say, THIS is what I want to do (ala Captian Strange).

    Don't take this as some idiotic teenage I wanna be a rockstar rant: Because that's exactly what it is. What's the point of this thread... nothing.
  2. vbass


    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    You're not past the point of no return for anything. You're what... 21? This is exactly the time that you should be figuring out what you want to do and make it happen. You know the steps bro, get in a bizzand and make some great music.
  3. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye Canuck Amateur

    It's funny. Sometimes a dream job is not what you want either. Once a hobby turns into a vocation it becomes.... well... Work!.

    Writing music is great as long as you can make a living at it. That means being heavy into the business of music (networking, promotion, demoes, advertising, getting your name out, taking jobs you don't like because you have to pay the bills, capital tied up in a studio or gear, being stuck inside working feverishly towards a deadline for that @$%*&# cat-food jingle and having to stare for hours at that dang computer screen!). As they say, "The grass always looks greener on the other side".

    I once started a high end audio distribution business with my brother. High end audio gear was a passion of ours so we naturally wanted to derive our living from our hobby. Well, the result of it was I didn't listen to my stereo for a year. After all the business of audio I wasn't interested in actually listening to audio. By the end of the day, I had my fill.

    Only after I sold my half of the business and many months later did I return to the joyful hobby of listening to music on my audio system at home.

    Getting what you want in life rarely happens all at once, but often comes in steps, one by one, over time. If you truly want to write for a living then you may want to fund that dream as a hobby for a while by working as a photographer (or whatever) until you can move bit-by bit into your preferred craft.

    Besides, you need to earn some money so that you can buy your own computer that works!

    The beauty of being a photographer is that you can often have blocks of time open for pursuing your music writing career. It's not a typical 9 to 5 kind of vocation.

    Here I am 50 yrs. old, a marketing manager in a billion dollar company, bored sometimes and every once in a while feeling like I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to groove live playing my bass. Stoopid eh? Not so stupid if done as a hobby. I love doing it a few hours a week, but it sure would get old doing it eight hours a day. FWIW

    The reality is, my steady job helps me to buy all kinds of cool gear (my high-end stereo, my basses and amps, my computer and midi setup) that i get to use and enjoy as a hobby without the added pressure to make money or meet deadlines.

    The truth about writing (for me anyway) is that it's not necessarily a relaxing activity. It's hard. It takes patience and stick-to-it-ness.

    Life is like a 24 hour LeMans car race. You're in it for the long haul. You want to still be running fast by the end. Some drivers want to get to the front too quick and they spin out watching everybody pass them by. Start slow and steady. It's how you finish, not how you start.
  4. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    You'll have more free time once you get out of college, or at least that's what I'm telling myself...
  5. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Don't despair, Weird Al Yankovic's degree is in Architecture, and he's a professional musician.
  6. Excellent advice from eeyaydeegee.

    Matt, I think you will find that there are really very few musicians here on TB who are full time in music and make their living from it. As adeptly pointed out by eeyaydeegee, when music become something you HAVE TO DO!!! whether you feel like it or not, it quickly become more of a chore than a joy.
    I reckon you should give photograpy your best shot so that you always have it to fall back on. You must be good to have gotten this far with it. Just think of the awesome cover art you'll be able to come up with for your bands first CD! Handy.

    A lot of the frustrations that you feel are typical of a creative person at your stage in life. Pursue your dreams and ambitions for all you're worth, but keep in mind that it may take many many years for them to bear the fruit you are looking for.

    So keep your feet on the ground and be practical.
    It'll help pay the bills and buy you some nice basses. :D

    Good luck.
  7. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    That was a great post, eeyaydeegee. But the music as work thing is kinda what I wanted. This is my ideal not rockstar life, studio musician, jingle writer, songwriter for a creative band that has nothing to do with Weird Al. Ideally this band would become a full time job, but I suck so... yeah.

    In reality, I still don't know what I'm going to do as a photographer... probably stock photography + some newspaper work. Maybe I could get a gallery somewhere. Hopefully, music will fit in there somewhere.
  8. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    I like your music. It's good. It's not Ween. Music should be made for music's sake, not money. Do it because you love it. If you don't love it, become a pimp.
  9. brianrost

    brianrost Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2000
    Boston, Taxachusetts
    Don't believe it, you'll have less time, much less!!!

    Sure, you may put in a lot of hours at classes and doing homework but your schedule is usually pretty loose, you don't sit in a classroom from 8 AM to 5 PM five days a week. If you live in a dorm you don't have to commute for a half hour or more to get to a job. If you are eating in the dining hall you don't have to shop for food or cook it. Etc. etc. etc.

    I got in a lot of playing time when I was in college, rooming with another player saw to that :D


    My advice is to take music courses as electives. I was an engineering major, but took piano lessons for credit :cool: and some theory classes as well. In the meantime try to get into a band situation, ANY band situation that you can.

    Good luck.
  10. ApeIsHigh81


    Aug 24, 2004
    I've been screwing up since sixteen, I'm 23 now and I know I WILL get a bachelor's in music even though I haven't set foot in a real college (I dropped out of ITT at 20, only some junior college basic courses!!) . Don't let fear run you. The only thing you should be afraid of is not taking chances and settling for the opposite of you want your career to be. Did legends go down in history for being average and not stepping up??
  11. bassturtle


    Apr 9, 2004
    Batboy agrees with this.
  12. brianrost

    brianrost Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2000
    Boston, Taxachusetts
    OK, so you know you have to make that first step.

    The one thing I've learned from playing music over the years is if I had known better I would have worked a lot harder at it when I was younger. Don't make the same mistake.

    Yeah it's hard but if it was easy everyone would be doing it...

    P.S. a good friend of mine who worked a few years as a high school science teacher just quit his job, gave up on getting his master's degree and sold his house so he could form a rock band with his friends. The only difference between him and you (and me I suppose) is that his friends were already full time musicians so he knew it was at least possible to do it.
  13. jeff schmidt

    jeff schmidt no longer red carded, but my butt is still sore.

    Aug 27, 2004
    Novato, CA
    nothin kills the music faster than a wife/girlfriend and a fulltime job.


    kinda. :eyebrow:
  14. christoph h.

    christoph h.

    Mar 26, 2001
    one thing that I think the people who tell you that making music your source of income will take a lot of the fun out of it:

    well, what i noticed is that guys/gals that become really got at it, thus making a good living on music have a passion for it that transcends (sp?) "work" or "hobby". their maybe be hard days for them, but absolutely nothing can burn out their will to make music.

    also the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" is certainly just as true for professional musicians who sometimes wish for more job security, not playing another wedding or boring pop song... in the end most reasons for not liking your job (any job) can be dealt with.

    that's why it's *always* greener on the other side.
  15. It could be worse, you could have bid on an Ebay item you didn't want.
  16. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA

    Trust me... it's gonna start being Ween

    Oh yeah, the music for money thing... meh not so caring about. My "album" is going to be given away to people who like it/I don't hate. (I don't hate you, so... when I get artwork, I'll send one your way ;) ) But my album is an experiment. Even though all instruments are me, it was about improving and seeing what comes out (one of the reasons there are a few blantant mistakes, I feel it helps give it that quality or realness for something so fake sounding) But enough about whatever it is I'm talking about. I think communism sounds like a good dea.... oh wait.. I'm not in the Lobby.

    Err... yeah. But art is to be viewed/listened to etc. Plus I want to collaberate with people who want to make my kind of music... which isn't exactly what I make now. I'm just getting warmed up. I want to take my weirdness and incorperate it into metally/funky/jazzy/whatevery rock... pizzlestainscore... deluxe.

    But for now, I need to write a 60s stye trippy rock song for a movie... hmmm, now where's my delay pedal...
  17. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    I put in a lot of hours for class and homework, and I've been working 30+ hours a week since high school (and my commute to class may as well be 30 minutes, if you consider finding a place to park, then walking to class...)!