Wanting to lay low for a while. Should I worry about going out of circulation?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by TOflybass06, Jul 9, 2019.


  1. TOflybass06

    TOflybass06

    Jan 3, 2019
    Hi folks, lately I've been thinking of laying low for a while. Mainly because I can feel my wife getting irritated when most of the weekend goes to the band. I feel guilty because I feel that I am not spending the time I should be spending with my family.

    I am planning is to get out of the regular band that I'm which rehearses every week, and just take sub gigs once a month or so. What I'm worried about is going out of circulation.

    I guess I just want to know your thoughts on this.

    Thanks!
     
    zon6c-f likes this.
  2. getbent

    getbent

    Aug 20, 2010
    Chicago, IL
    Eh, if you've got kids, they're only young once, try to be around and enjoy it. I was pretty happy to step back from band stuff for a few years after my daughter was born, then I eased myself back in. If you're easy to work with, people will want to work with you whenever you're ready to get back out there.

    I'm fortunate that my new originals band has two other dads with two kids each, rehearses in my attic (once a week), and will aim to gig once a month at most. I can't imagine going back to my touring years, spending so much down time in dumb clubs while waiting to play, with a family at home.
     
    SoCal80s, Alik, Mr_Moo and 11 others like this.
  3. Scottgun

    Scottgun

    Jan 24, 2004
    South Carolina
    How many kids and how old? If just one and very recent then take break because everybody feels overwhelmed with their first. That will pass and when it does have open conversation with wife about reasonable commitments to a musical outlet.

    No. Keep your chops up as best you can and you wont go out of circulation. Well, to put it more brutally, the abysmal demand for gigging musicians will still be there but probably no worse than it has been for the past decade.
     
    Mr_Moo, InhumanResource and getbent like this.
  4. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    In my experience, the more you try to lay low, the more calls you get!
     
    Johnny Crab, TheReceder and SteveC like this.
  5. derrico1

    derrico1 Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2005
    Charlottesville, VA
    The rehearses-every-week band: does it gig?

    Dropping a once-a-week rehearsing band that never gigs shouldn't hurt your visibility or market value much if at all. Not gigging will.
     
    getbent, LBS-bass, Ggaa and 1 other person like this.
  6. Not clear if you are rehearsing all weekend or that's the gigging taking you out as well as midweek rehearsal.

    If you are good enough to sub it's a well worn path. That or find a less demanding gig. Family first.
     
    BluesOnBass likes this.
  7. lfmn16

    lfmn16

    Sep 21, 2011
    charles town, wv
    Unless you are churning out hits and have a million followers on Facebook, I wouldn't worry about laying low. The truth is, it's likely no one will notice.
     
  8. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Connecticut
    When my son was younger, I dropped out of a popular band that had gotten too busy. But you are putting the cart before the horse. Sit down with your wife and talk. When she married you, she knew music was important to you. Let her know you realize something has to be worked out. Together, come up with how much time you can spend with music. She will appreciate you putting the family first, and in working it out together.

    THEN decide what to do. Perhaps move rehearsals to an evening during the week, and/or cut down frequency and length of rehearsals - maybe get the music done in 90 minutes, then you split while they drink beers. Maybe gig less. If the band says no, give notice, and look for something that works with your schedule.
     
    City, wildman2, Spidey2112 and 3 others like this.
  9. Bodeanly

    Bodeanly

    Mar 20, 2015
    Chicago
    I took eight years off from gigging when my son was born. I came back and have never gigged so much in my life. Taking a break doesn't mean that you don't get to play music. Dive deep into your instrument. Listen to music that you wouldn't normally listen to. Study the greats.

    But if you don't have kids, talk to your wife before quitting the band. If you do it because you think she wants you to do it, the resentment seed will be planted. She married YOU. Don't stop being YOU.
     
  10. TOflybass06

    TOflybass06

    Jan 3, 2019

    Yes we do gig at least every other week.
     
  11. interp

    interp

    Apr 14, 2005
    Garmisch, Germany
    Here’s the principle I apply in such matters: Imagine you are on your deathbed (hopefully many many years from now) thinking back over your life. Will you wish you had spent less time with your family and more with your band?
     
    SoCal80s, Alik, Johnny Crab and 4 others like this.
  12. TOflybass06

    TOflybass06

    Jan 3, 2019
    We do have kids and they are teenagers now. However, I did not think it will be more demanding of our time. It now seems teenagers require more attention than when they were kids.
     
    BluesOnBass, RHA III and 3Liter like this.
  13. TOflybass06

    TOflybass06

    Jan 3, 2019

    We did have the talk and although she says she's okay with it, I can't help but notice her passive aggressiveness every time I step out the door with my gig bag. I
     
  14. Ggaa

    Ggaa

    Nov 26, 2018
    If you're working at all, you're circulating. You'll probably miss the intensity but that's more energy/time for the fam.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
  15. SteveC

    SteveC Moderator Staff Member

    I quit for 5 years. Now that my kids are older (10/13) I’m playing again. Always family first. Even now I don’t want to gig more than twice a month.
     
    Spidey2112 likes this.
  16. 40Hz

    40Hz Supporting Member

    That might be because stakes get progressively higher the older we get.

    Learning how to progress from being an infant to being a kid is difficult enough. But learning how to become an adult who can safely and effectively navigate the adult world is orders of magnitude higher for a teen.

    It’s no different for our kids than it was for us.
     
    Spidey2112 likes this.
  17. cnltb

    cnltb

    May 28, 2005
    Wanting to lay low for a while. Should I worry about going out of circulation?
    If you are the type of person that worries about thsese things:Yes.
     
    Spidey2112 likes this.
  18. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Connecticut
    Passive aggressive is never good. Perhaps one (or both) of you didn't really hash out their true thoughts.

    Yeah, family comes first. Perhaps bring it up to her again, with the idea - "I was thinking. I appreciate you not wanting to interfere with the band, but I think it is taking too much time from you and the kids, and you all come first. What do you think about me doing XX"?
     
    Lobster11 likes this.
  19. RustyAxe

    RustyAxe

    Jul 8, 2008
    Connecticut
    Family needs (they're grown with families of their own) required me to slow down last year ... from 2 or 3 gigs a week to 2 or 3 a month. More importantly, from playing with a trio, and two duos, and a band to just the band. The band requires no rehearsals (all very experienced guys with great chops), while the other projects were more work with frequent rehearsals, writing sessions, homework and such. I took the path of least resistance.

    Yeah, I'm slowly going out of circulation, the phone doesn't ring as often, but I'm finding I don't really mind all that much. It wasn't a music career, just something I did cuz I could. I still play and record at home, get a dose of the stage on a regular basis. But I think I'm a lot older than you, and gigging was getting to be more work than it was worth (in $) ... especially when my time could be put to better use for my family's benefit.
     
  20. 40Hz

    40Hz Supporting Member

    Hmm...From that observation I’d conclude your wife seems like the type of person who prefers working towards consensus rather than engage in confrontation.

    That said, I think she’s made her position very clear and the ball is now in your court.
     
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    Primary TB Assistant

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