Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Rotosound hound, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. Rotosound hound

    Rotosound hound Guest

    Dec 13, 2007
    On December 10th a special, super secret virtual conference was held between high ranking members of several well-known and supremely cool drum forums. I have been dispatched to inform you of the results of that meeting.

    It is hereby established that the following shall be entered into the public consciousness as irrefutable truths and stuff.

    1.) Drummers are cool, really cool.

    2.) We need and deserve more space on stage.

    3.) We will hit on your girlfriends if they are cute. Deal with it.

    4.) Drummers need a ride home. You are that ride.

    5.) Bass players who a.) play a bass with more than four strings, b.) have a rack of gear and 3.) wear their bass "Urkel style" (just under the chin) should spend the break far away from us drummers, we're tryin' to get chicks, man.

    6.) Give the drummer some.

    7.) Did I mention that drummers are cool? Well, they are.

    8.) Do not ever. . ever. . .EVER hit our cymbals with the headstock on your bass.

    9.) All bass playing should take place below the fifth fret, preferably on those two fatter strings. Anything else is just noodling and repeated offenses will result in endless "bugada bugada" double bass drum fills.

    10.) We promise to stop talking about Neil Peart if you guys will shut up about Jaco.

    11.) Yes, we can hear a difference between all those snare drums that look alike. It takes years of experience and a finely tune sense of hearing to recognize the difference between maple and birch. Those effect pedals you use, on the other hand, all sound the same to us.

    12.) Stop popping and snapping. If we need a percussionist, we'll hire one.

    13.) Phased bass guitar = big-ass china cymbal. You've been warned.

    14.) Anyone using a Hofner Beatle bass who is not named Paul McCartney is a weenie. The Rickenbacker is a close second but exceptions are made.

    15.) It's your double SVT system in road cases. . .you carry it!

  2. Valerus


    Aug 4, 2005
    Lame. haha.
  3. mjolnir

    mjolnir Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta

    Jun 15, 2006
    Houston, TX
    ...This dude serious? :confused:
  4. Passinwind

    Passinwind I know nothing. Commercial User

    Dec 3, 2003
    Columbia River Gorge, WA.
    Owner/Designer &Toaster Tech Passinwind Electronics

    There are no cool drum forums, by definition. Nice try though, I'll give you style points. :p
  5. metalbass66

    metalbass66 Guest

    May 25, 2007
    towards dead end
    If my drummer said this to me, I'd kick the S*** out of him.
  6. Shovelbone

    Shovelbone Supporting Member

    Oct 18, 2007
    Yonderville Georgia
    I think that our percussive friend is delusional! :rolleyes:
  7. 1.) Drummers are hyper and they need to settle down.

    2.) You need to start bringing smaller kits to shows. No one can hear your toms anyway.

    3.) We are bass players, so our girlfriends are ugly. If you want to hit on them, knock yourself out.

    4.) Drummers need to stop driving hatchbacks and get something you can actually fit a bass drum into.

    5.) OK man, that's fair enough. I think we can probably fold on this one.

    6.) The drummer's had enough already, to judge by the bottles knocked over under the hi-hat.

    7.) Stuff it, meathead.

    8.) We won't hit your cymbals with my headstock, OR jump on your kick drum at the end of a set, if you restrict yourself to playing kick drum with only one foot from now on.

    9.) All drumming takes place on a hi-hat, a ride cymbal, a crash cymbal, a snare drum, a kick drum, and 3 toms MAXIMUM. Everything else is just a waste of money.

    10.) Deal. I will do anything not to have to hear about Neil Peart ever again.

    11.) If you use a splash cymbal, I am going to cut your throat with it.

    12.) I agree that slapping is overused. Not all of us are Larry Graham incarnate. Please remember that when you play the bell of your ride cymbal for like 3 straight minutes.

    13.) Play more than 1 cymbal at a time and I am kicking your hi-hats over 3 inches to the left. Consider this a warning.

    14.) Anyone putting their drums on a "rack" instead of stands like normal people is under the impression that this is a Winger concert circa 1990.

    15.) If you take more than 30 minutes to set up and adjust your drums, you will be replaced by one of those Chicago plastic bucket kids on the next gig.

    Big Swami
  8. mrokern

    mrokern TB's resident Rush freak

    Jul 20, 2007
    Minneapolis, MN
  9. Rotosound hound

    Rotosound hound Guest

    Dec 13, 2007
    Oh come onguys. . . Big Swami "got it".

    If I wanted to inspire a bunch of uptight replies I would have gone to guitarslinger.com.

    Lighten up!
  10. mjolnir

    mjolnir Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta

    Jun 15, 2006
    Houston, TX
    Yo, mrokern, ever have trouble with that wireless system crapping out?
  11. mjolnir

    mjolnir Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta

    Jun 15, 2006
    Houston, TX
    Wouldn't have taken it seriously if it hadn't have been your first post. Gotta be wary of the newcomers sometimes, like that lady with the drinking problem and the compromising pictures who ended up being a pornstar spamming for exposure...
  12. Snake1967

    Snake1967 Guest

    Sep 2, 2007
    has anyone ever heard a drummer say anything that could be taken seriously?:confused::smug:
  13. Rhythm5

    Rhythm5 Guest

    Dec 29, 2006
    Palmdale, California
    LMAO...now this is a great thread!
  14. jimbob

    jimbob Guest

    Dec 26, 2001
    Charlotte NC
    Endorsing Artist: Acoustica Mixcraft; Endorsing Artist: DR Strings
    That was funny!
  15. hawaiianbass

    hawaiianbass Guest

    Jul 23, 2006
    Laramie, Wyo
    You just made my night!:hyper::bassist:

  16. santucci218

    santucci218 Guest

    Jan 26, 2007
    the day i shut up about jaco is the day i die.
  17. Foxworthy925

    Foxworthy925 Guest

    Feb 24, 2007
    Bay Area, CA
    ahahahahahaha rofl
  18. Passinwind

    Passinwind I know nothing. Commercial User

    Dec 3, 2003
    Columbia River Gorge, WA.
    Owner/Designer &Toaster Tech Passinwind Electronics
    <South Park mode>

    There's a drummer...he's coming right for us! BOOM! </mode> [​IMG]

    Welcome to Talkbass, and better luck with your next thread.;)
  19. Spoiled Grape

    Spoiled Grape I <3 Darkstar

    May 29, 2003
    Riverside, CA
    I found the OP to be pretty funny.
  20. NWF Bassist

    NWF Bassist

    Aug 1, 2004
    greatest thread in tb history!!:p