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Weddings = Death/I'm going to die poor

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Matt Till, Jul 27, 2005.

  1. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    Well, I have ADD, and in the Paul D'Amour thread in bassists, I brought up a point that had nothing to do with anything that has been bothering me for a while. How do people get married?! It's finacial suicide! There is no possible way that I can afford a Wedding, I can't afford a car. Lets do a little math...

    Wedding Ring = $600.00 (give or take... more take... a lot of my money)
    A Wedding = A million dollars
    Rent for apartment = $250.00 (my share)
    Bills = $100 - $300
    Food = $200
    Matt's Money = $0.00

    I've been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years now, we are both committed, a wedding is the next step. She's really bummed that I haven't proposed yet, she hasn't said anything really... but you know how a woman can let you know without saying anything.

    We could get SOME help from our parents for a wedding... but how can anyone afford to live in this country? How do you people keep from going into the poor house?! And then some of you cats drop $2000+ on bass gear a year?!

    I'm going to college as an art major... do you know what that means?! I'm flushing money down the toilet. I'm going to owe money for student loans... for nothing. I hate art... I loate art. Art is ruining my life. At the end of college, I'm going to end up with a piece of toilet paper that cost me thousands and thousands of dollars and I'm going to have to work at a department store selling office furniture to people who can afford it/have offices! And it's too late to turn back, I've devoted too much time/money/pseudo effort into this crappy "career"

    I don't exect any of you to be able to help me... unless your rich and crazy and want to give me a million dollars... I'll do anything............................... anything. I just needed to vent, this is freaking me out. In reality, I should have dropped out of college years ago. But NoooOoOoOoOooOo then I'll look like a loser.

    So in summation, to the younger generation: Don't go to college, your parents lied to you it's not important at all. By time you come out of college your "loser high school friends" will be making more money than you because they took shop in high school.

    Seriously though, if you are going to college FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom pushed me into college right after high school, because if I didn't do it then and there, I'd never do it. Because do you know what I want to be when I grow up?! A rock star... yes, I want to make a living bashing out root notes, vomiting on a hourly basis, and I want to die at 32 due to a drug overdose/bee sting accident. Not really, I'd really like to be a producer/studio musician, but I don't have time to learn my craft because I have to make paper boxes and paint pictures of apples. The money I've wasted on art supplies is unreal, and I STILL SUCK!

    So I'm going to be poor forever, I'm never going to afford nice gear, I'm never going to marry my girlfriend, I'm never going to know what a 300 dollar bottle of champagne taste like, I'm going to eat microwaved crap that costs a dollar for the rest of my life, and it will make me fat, and I'll have a heart attack. I won't be able to afford kids, so I'll have to stop having sex because I can't afford to get snipped. After my heart attack, I can't afford a funeral, so they'll just sort of drop me in a river or something.

    The more I type, the sadder I get... so... yeah. :bawl:
  2. Drop the art major, ASAP. You'll always be poor with that. (much like the music major) You seem to know what you're getting yourself into, now get yourself out of it!!! Pick a major that will get you some money. (basically anything but art or music)

    Internships are also a great idea, but the good ones don't pay, so they might not work in the short term.
  3. temp5897

    temp5897 Guest

    Well with an attitude like that you'll fulfill all of your predictions. Number 1 is to stop trying for an art major if you think its a waste of time. Cut your losses while you can, and do something else. Secondly, grow up a bit and be a man (I mean this with the utmost of support and not trying to rip on you). If you want something, then do it. There is no substitute for hard work and determination, period. That's how people get to where they can afford all of the useless things they do.

    Secondly if you want to get married, then do it. It can be tough if neither of you have made it financially but, unlike most, I don't think that's a prerequisite for being married. My parents had nothing for years but I've been told they were more than completely happy during that time.

    Also, stop eating sugar and junk food. You'd be surprised how this affects your mental outlook.
  4. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA

    I would love to... I can't afford anything else. And about the wedding, I can't afford to get it started. I've got a maxed out credit card I'm going to pay off with my fin. aid check. And my girlfriend's credit card... she's owes about 10,000 dollars that we pretend doesn't exsist.

    Dropping the major? I'd love to. But I don't know what I would do. I've discussed this with a few people, and it's a good idea to have a major in something. If I wasn't in college right now, I'd be at Wal*Mart. Who knows, a job as a graphic designer/photographer/film editor might pop up, and I could grab it. Basically, if I drop out of college, I'll be unemployed in a jobless area. (My job is work study) I've only got about a year or so. :meh: :(
  5. I'd drop the marriage idea for now; you and your girlfriend can still love each other without this contract. Is there any major you can change into? I mean anything. You're in one of the worst majors you can pick financially.
  6. I feel for ya. I'm about to start my 3rd year of history.
  7. joninjapan


    Aug 13, 2003
    Tokyo, Japan
    Make sure your own life is together before bringing someone else onboard, if you can't survive on your own you can't do it with another person in tow.
    Marriage is not a case of "his" and "hers", it is "ours", if you plan your life together as seperate entities you are doomed from the start. It is not marriage you are talking about, it is "living together".

    Prove to yourself that you can survive alone, on your own, for a while, and then consider being responsible for another... and a few more as the kids come along ;)

    Make no excuses.
  8. AuG


    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    I know you don't want to hear it, but if you need some money, sell some gear. That's what I've done, seeing as how I can only play one bass at a time...... it sucks but sometimes you gotta do it. Hope you could pull through the slump. Heck, elope if your gf wants to get married that bad. That's fairly cheap.

    Just some ideas.....oh and change your major. ;)
  9. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I've seen that go both ways. I took shop classes in high school, and turned out making much more than alot of my friends working in construction as a project manager. I also have friends who took those same shop classes with me who are now bouncing around from one low paying job to another.

    Bottom line......You get out of your education what you put into it.

    When my wife and I started adding up the costs for our wedding, we decided to go to Reno and get married. That cost me about $500, not including the rings.

  10. Matt, I understand that you started this thread to vent, but...PM me if you want some advice from a graduated married liberal arts major.

  11. I need to make one point absolutely clear: An art major is NOT any more financially rewarding than not going to college is in most cases. You'll get a position teaching art at a middle school if you're lucky. People do this major (the same applies for music) because it's their passion and what they like doing. Most people do it based on the understanding that they will have financial problems, but they do it anyway. It sounds like it's too late, but any other major will get your farther financially than an art or music major. College is a must if you want a well-paying job, but an art major won't do it for you.
  12. A degree in Art does not guarantee financial problems. A degree in Art+an inability to control spending=financial problems. I think we ought not to tell this man he's going in a pit because we have a preconceived notion of a particular major. Perhaps someone who has a degree in Art could enlighten us?

    (college graduate) Mike
  13. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Don't get married until you're financially ready to do so. Tell her that you're not getting married until you're financially ready to do so.

    brad cook
  14. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    As someone who just bought a house and who is getting married in 2 months, this is my topic :)

    First, I agree with what everyone else has said, that if you don't have your own stuff together, you can't bring someone else into the picture. That being said, you need to have a more positive outlook on things. A negative attitude will definately help your worst fears come becom reality quicker than you can comprehend. It's not always easy to keep a positive attitude (lord knows I have a hard time with it), but you need to calm down a bit. Also remember to that if you get married, unless she's not working, you won't be the only one supporting the two of you. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it's not just the both of you contributing seperately financially, but together. In my situation, I know that if it was just me working, we'd be screwed :) It's bad enough that my fiance is off for 10 weeks during the summer (OT in a school system), but the thought of her taking maternity leave makes me nervous. But, you plan for those things. You'd be suprised at how you can be resourceful and make ends meet when you have to. The cost of living might seem like a lot at first, but once you get into it, you find a way to make it work some how.

    As for school, change your major if you hate it, but don't drop out. You'll only regret. The job I'm in now, I make pretty good money, but I hate my job with a passion and I regret not going to college. Why? Because I know that if I ever want to get out of this job, or if I get laid off, it's going to be harder to find something that even comes close to what I'm making now $$ wise. The only redeeming thing I have for me is how my job now may look on a resume, but other than that, I've got nuthin'. No one ever looks back and says "Man I regret getting that degree". It's usually "Man, I regret not getting that degree". It's better to be over prepared than under prepared.

    When time comes and you finally think you are ready to get married, things may work out alittle easier. You don't HAVE to have a huge wedding, heck, you don't have to have a wedding at all. You could elope. If you do have a wedding, most of the time all you have to worry about paying for is 1) The wedding dress 2) The rings. That's it. Usually the bride's parents and sometimes the groom's takes care of everything else. Other things like the tux rentals are usually never the groom's responsibility. The guy's in your wedding party pay for their own (as the bride's party pays for their dresses), and at most places, the groom gets his tux for free. Actually today, I just got 2 tuxes for free. Rings...well, you said $600, and depending on what you get, it could be more or less than that. My ring is just a plain band with a beaded edging, and that's like $160. My fiance's is considerably more expensive because she's getting one that matches her engagement ring with diamonds and stuff, but girls can get plain band's too, so in the end you may only have to pay $300 for the rings. She doesn't need a fancy or expensive dress either. My fiance got one for $100, and judging by the unwanted glimpse I accidentally got of it, it's not bad either.

    Also too, when you get married, family members come out of the woodwork and give you stuff. We just got a riding mower and a outdoor table and chairs from my grandmother who is all of a sudden having some sort of going out of business sale, everything is free, sort of deal. Also, you may find that you have other friend's and family that can help you out too. I don't know how in the hell it happened, but our photographer, cake person and video person are all friend's of my fiances family, which = cheap.

    I hope the talk about the marriage aspect in my experience doesn't come off as me getting off easy, I just want to try and show how even though I was VERY negative about my future and how I could pull things off with getting a place to live and getting married, things did wind up working out and that my worrying was needless really.

    Just remember to get your situation together first, be positive, and most importantly TALK with each other every step of the way about what you both want and how you can achieve it. If you were meant to be together, it will all work out and she'll be their for you as long as it takes.
  15. Against Will

    Against Will Supporting Member

    Dec 10, 2003
    Big Sound Central
    Marriage, in general, is overrated.
  16. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA

    I don't have any gear I can get rid of without getting rid of the essentials. I'm just down to bass and amp and a few effects that wouldn't get me anything.

    Against Will: I couldn't agree more. Maybe you should chat with my girlfriend. :D
  17. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Lemme tell you a story about my uncle.

    His dad pushed him into law, y'know, keep the family business going. My uncle busted his nuts for three years, breaking his freakin' back, and pulling Cs. He'd work three times as hard for half the grade, and he hated it. He finally got out of law school, and was going for the bar, to become a full on lawyer type person, when a friend of his offered him a job, selling air industrial air conditioning (the kind that go into shopping malls, office buildings; the monster AC systems).

    That was like, 30 years ago. He never once used his college education, and ended up in a high paying job (I think about a quarter way through the six digits, maybe more). And he admits freely that college was the biggest waste of his life; the money the effort, the time, it was a big sinkhole for him.

    But, and here's the "Get one for the Gipper" part, he still says that college may have been the biggest waste of his life, but it was also the most valuable: it taught he everything he needed about what not to do with himself, what he wouldn't do, what he was or wasn't cut out for, who he was.

    Stick with it, man. Nobody's ever regretted an eductation. They may regret the incidental stuff (time, money, etc), but nobody regrets an education.
  18. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    That's the most horrible career advice I've ever read.

    Matt: I don't know what school you are going to, but maybe you should consider another major. I was in a similar situation, I was basically thrown into college without a clue what I wanted to do, so my grades suffered horribly until I found a decent program. I barely graduated, but I got into the major that was right for me.

    Perhaps you should look into an Associate's program in web programming or something. That way, you'd still have something with a creative kick, and courses you've already taken will look better to potential employers in your current field if you have a degree whether or not it's somewhat unrelated (run-on?).
  19. Care to clarify?
  20. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    Among many other things, art majors can find government jobs federal, state, and local levels in addition to other development organizations.

    Not to mention, many individuals succeed in careers totally unrelated to their field of study. I'm sure there are many members of this board who can testify.