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Welcome back Tash

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Tash, Dec 24, 2005.

  1. Tash


    Feb 13, 2005
    Bel Air Maryland
    I don't know if anyone noticed but I haven't been active here for some time. Where and why is kind of a long story, but I'll try to summarize.

    Many of you will remember my posts in various Jaco related threads where I've explained that I have the same psychological condition he had: Bipolar Disorder, also known as Manic Depression or Mixed Mood Disorder.

    Last friday something happened which pushed me into a severe depressive state. I'd actually been sliding rather slowly for the past few months, but something happened to tip the scales entirely.

    More dangerously I'd been off my medications for some time prior to this. I ended up extremely unstable and upset with very few friends or family in the area to call on. I was unable to sleep, had nearly no appetite, and began thinking seriously of how to escape.

    On Sunday I called my family and told them the full story of what was happening. My mother flew down sunday night, helped me pack myself and my cats into my car, and we drove back to NY monday afternoon. Unfortuneatly it wasn't enough.

    On Tuesday night I was back to feeling as hopeless and trapped as I ever have. Its not a state that I can describe to anyone who hasn't been there, only to say that its something I wouldn't wish on anyone, even my worst of enemies. I finally realized that there could be only two ways out: killing myself or checking in to a hospital until my medications could be stabalized.

    I spent three days in an inpatient psychiatric facility, half asleep from medication, slowly bringing my paranoia and fear under control, slowly letting myself recover a sense of equilibrium that has been missing from my life for months.

    I was released yesterday, and am now back home with my family. Already I feel a huge shift from where I've been. I face a long, hard struggle to bring this condition under control. Anyone who knows much about Bipolar disorder knows that it is a viscious beast to live with. But for the first time ever I actually have some hope that I can do it.

    My family is finally aware of how serious my condition is. They are behind me 100% helping me get the treatment I need. I'm also looking at things from a different angle personally. If I want to live a normal life I have to put myself and my treatment first. Not my relationships, not my music, myself. I can't simply take some pills and forget about it.

    So here I am. I'm alive, doing well and getting better. This time last week I was certain I wouldn't even be here, let alone feeling like my life could someday be back under my own control.

    It feels very, very good to be here.
  2. Trevorus


    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    That is one of the most important realizations that you can come to. It is usually one of the hardest steps in recovery to get that priority straight. I have some of the same problems you have, and it runs in my family (from both sides, no less...). I'll pray for you, and if you need someone to talk to, let me know. You can e-mail or Im me.
  3. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca
    i'm happy for you. :)
  4. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX

    Sorry to hear about all that but glad that things are now looking better. I'm glad you didn't leave us. I hope things continue to go well.

    brad cook
  5. Kelly Lee

    Kelly Lee Yeah, I'm a guy! Supporting Member

    Feb 17, 2004
    Marana, AZ, USA
    Tash, it is definately good to hear you are still with us. :)

    I don't have Bipolar disorder however I live with it everyday. :( Unfortunately, my wife has it. I know it is a lonely and desperate place when you get "down there" and I'm telling you now...your not alone.

    Tash my man, if you ever need someone to talk to or just to scream at, let me know. PM me and I'll give you my phone # if you would like. I am serious. Just let me know.

    Stay strong, trust in your support network, and most of all, don't ever give up! :)
  6. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Keep on keepin on brutha.

  7. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    i can't say i have bipolar (i hate lithium carbonate...frigs with the digestion), but i have dealt with chronic depression for most of my 46 years.
    it sucks ass.
    all i can say is keep on keeping on, and know that i feel for you.
    i don't know what will help you, but what helps me is when i get to do something that takes me out of myself. especially for others.
    ...which i don't do nearly often enough.

    if this doesn't help, forgive me.
    if this does, cooool!
    either way, i feel for you.