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What am I doing wrong?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Trevorus, Apr 17, 2006.


  1. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    I am getting depressed. I feel like my life so far has been an unsuccessful waste. I feel like I am on an endless track, trying to make money, just to stave off debt for another day. I notice people around me with really nice musical gear, nice cars, nice houses, nice electronics, etc... I would like all these things, but I know that it wouldn't make me happy having them, but it makes me a bit frustrated that it seems so easy for everyone else.

    Right now, I live in a manufactured home. It was inexpensive and a temporary option for me being newly married. It's been almost 3 years, and I am no closer to getting a real house than I was when I paid this place off. I work at Domino's Pizza in town, and it's a depressing job. The ownership underpays us for the dangerous neighborhoods that we have to go in and increasing fuel/vehicle maintenance costs. My other job, being an independent contractor has been choppy and somewhat unpredictable. It pays well, but work is not stable enough to rely on it completely.

    Another thing, I have owned the same vehicle since I was able to drive. It's a rusty 85 ranger, that I do like. It runs well (due to my diligent maintenance), but it looks like a piece of junk. I have been bidding jobs for my second job, and it is hard to seem professional when my vehicle looks like it's been to hell and back. I recently also had to buy a new car for my wife, due to the death of the suspension system on our previous car. This will be her third car since I have known her. Not too long ago, someone backed into it, gave me bogus info, and then disappeared. Then, the next day, my wife backed it into her fathers car, and scratched it up more. I was able to refinish it to make the damage nearly un-noticeable, but after only having the car for 2-3 months, it pisses me off to have to do stuff like that.

    Also, my laptop which I used for running the other job died, and I have not been able to find an affordable replacement at all. A friend of mine came across a good deal on a laptop, but he's probably going to keep it for his internet business he's running. I do not want to borrow a computer to run a business, especially due to the spotty nature of being able to use it. I have a desktop, but it is nearly impossible to use it with my business partners computer. Having to drive across town with a USB disk over and over is not the way to run things. It gets very costly. A lot of bids that we have gotten in, we haven't gotten. And that is just wasted time. We don't get paid for them, and with some of the kitchen remodels, we spend 2 days or so designing cabinet layouts and such, all for nothing.

    My musical career is also hitting skids. I have no inspiration to practice, nor any inspiration to write. I have always wanted to create music, but it seems so pointless at this point. I play in church on the weekends, and it is fun and fulfilling, but I want to do more musically.

    I have a general motivation problem. It is difficult for me to start and stick with things. Cleaning out my computer room puttered out. My plan to get fit puttered out. Plans to do home maintenance seem as if they are not worth the trouble. I just get so discouraged by all the things that happen to knock me down. Any kind of goals I set usually just fade away because I never get there. I don't want to feel like this all the time.

    I'm sorry for the rant, but TB seems like one of the most understanding environments that I have right now.
     
  2. AxtoOx

    AxtoOx

    Nov 12, 2005
    Duncan, Okla.
    Patients my friend. Yeah, I own my house clear. Have a Guitar and Bass and Gun collection.
    It wasn't always that way. Being in the military helped me buy my first house, but that took years. When my daughter was a baby, we were so broke I was walking to food banks in the afternoon and looking for a job on foot in the morning. I've been broke! I've been in serious financial trouble twice. Had the IRS after me once. I've had times when the only light at the end of the tunnel was a train.
    It got better for me, I suppose it will for you too.
     
  3. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    But how do I go towards better? That's another part of it. I don't know where to go, how to push, what to do to get myself out of the hole (financially, musically, etc.)
     
  4. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    To answer your question of what you're doing wrong is that you've got the wrong attitude. You can't solve any problems if you've already claimed defeat. Take things one at a time and don't wallow in a pit of misery. Look for solutions and not more problems to add to your list. Perhaps a new job might be in line. I don't know how feasible that is, but it's a suggestion.

    Hang in there, man. It's rough, but you'll get through and the TB community has your back.
     
  5. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Put in writing what you want, just like you have done here. Make a list. Keep the list handy. Start with the small goals first. Work towards them, and accomplish them. Once you get a few under your belt, the momentum will carry you on to the next.

    -Mike
     
  6. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    You're pretty young Trev, the same age as me in fact. If I were you, I'd can the Domino's gig and find another job where they won't put you in dangerous situations and at least pay you somewhat decent. There has to be something better out there...do you check the classifieds daily? Check out chicagojobs.com you can search by city and surrounding areas, and let your pals know that you're looking for another job. The only person that can help you is yourself. IIRC you have a little one that your wife stays home with? Maybe she can help you out by searching the classifieds for you. Just stay positive bro things will work out. My brother had a kid and was married when he was 20, at that time he didn't have too many wordly possesions (I remember sitting on a cooler in the living room of their tiny one bedroom apartment because they didn't have a couch) then he made a decision one day to go to school for HVAC while he held a job at the local grocery store working nights. He graduated 7 months later and now he makes around $25 an hour, owns his own house and just bought his wife a new Toyota Highlander or whatever that thing in the driveway is. :) Things can and will get better, but you have to have the willingness and grit to tough it out and walk down the roads you normally wouldn't take.
    And remember, there's always somebody out there who has it a hell of a lot worse than you do. Appreciate what you do have, and strive to attain what you don't. Not much else I can offer, except to keep my eye out for any construction jobs that I might see down near you. :) Stay positive...

    AuG
     
  7. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    I hear you there. I haven't stopped trying. I really want to go get my EE degree, because I want to build amplifiers and effects. But my wife has to get her nursing license so she can work, and I can go to school. (I worked while she was in school) That's another thing that has me stuck. I am on a sharp balance point here. I have to keep working to keep bills paid. She won't change jobs because she doesn't think she can handle the strees of changing jobs and getting a nursing license at the same time. I also have been basically stressed and on edge, and I don't like to be around my wife so much. Our personalities are clashing, and it makes me uncomfortable.
     
  8. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    College. You'll be poor for another 4 years, but you will then have the key to a future. My family had no money at all when I was growing up, so I knew that no one was going to pay for my education except me. I decided to join the Marines to get the GI Bill (if I survived Viet Nam to which, fortunately, I never went). After the Marines, I survived on the GI Bill, unemployment benefits, and making leather goods for hippies. I got married while I was in college, and my wife worked as an LVN. We lived hand-to-mouth. We also got divorced. During college, I also worked at this company as a draftsman and technician. After I got my degree, I stayed on as a staff geologist with the company I now run as CEO. That was in 1975.

    I've been married to my current wife for 24 years. She retired a few years ago as a VP of a major international retail company. We waited until 8 years ago to have a kid.

    As my college ex-girlfriend's dad once told me, "Y'know Munji, this is a tew income econumee." That means Mamacita has to go to work. It's a lot easier with two incomes. So after over 30 years in this business, I can afford the crud you see in my profile. You can do the same thing.

    Just make sure you major in a technical field. The world needs philosophers, psychologists, artists and the like, but if you crave material wealth, engineering, science and technology are and always will be in high demand.

    Take control of your life. You are your owner. Whatever happens to you is your responsibility. You've just got to lay the groundwork that will take you where you want to go.
     
  9. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Oh, no I don't have a kid. I am not having kids for a looong time. If ever.
     
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Don't focus on material things. You happiness will not come from the things you own. Life isn't all about going to college and getting a degree so you can make a bunch of money.

    -Mike
     
  11. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Right, but it's the only path to getting money grubbing debtors off my back, and being able to afford the things that allow me to survive, and be able to go places and do things.
     
  12. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    So what you're saying is that you're waiting for her to finish school, so you can go to school while she pays the bills? Can she afford the bills you have right now if you leave your job?

    Thank the Lord you don't have a kid right now.
     
  13. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    No, she can't afford that. As it is, she asks me for money whenever she wants to buy something.
     
  14. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Yes it is. In the words of Cher, "I've been poor, and I've been rich. Rich is better."
     
  15. mkrtu9

    mkrtu9 Supporting Member

    Mar 2, 2006
    Tuscola
    The first thing I noticed is that you are from Urbana IL!! I'm from Tuscola which is 30 or so miles south of you. I usually don't respond much on this forum, but since your my neighbor.

    I try very hard not to get myself into financial trouble and battling over buying new gear. It is very hard to over come. There has been a few times that i've killed myself financially cause I thought I need the biggest and best thing out there.

    My wife also has the nicer car and I drive an old run down Jeep. After buying my wife her van she backed into our trash can leaving a huge gash on the bumper. And insurance companies say males are the unsafe gender drivers..go figure.

    I used to be very undisiplined about getting things done around the house too. I've learned over time that I have to pick one thing at a time and make a goal to accomplish it. I noticed that you are 21 yoa and you have one really good thing going for you. You mentioned that you have no morgage. How many people can actually say that. I'm 28 and I know I can't, wish I could though.

    You said that you play bass at your church. So do I, and when I'm feeling depressed I usually pray. Don't be afraid of turning to your faith.

    Good luck neighbor
     
  16. AxtoOx

    AxtoOx

    Nov 12, 2005
    Duncan, Okla.
    Just don't stay idle. Make some decisions and follow through. To get to a decent wage, I was changing jobs every 6 months, but always moving up. I did it the hard way, without collage, but that's even harder now.
    Don't be afraid of change and take some action.
     
  17. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    IMVHO....**** the money grubbers. I have debt, and I find that I'm not worried at all about it. I do make payments so that helps. :p
    Mike's right in saying not to worry about material possesions. They're just things. Raising your quality of life we all can understand.

    Sounds like she needs a lesson about money and where it should be going, given your present situation.
    I know it sounds like blasphemy, but you could always sell one your basses, and put the cash away. Just don't tell your wife. :ninja:
     
  18. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    In all honesty, Munji, I never thought you would have ever quoted Cher. :smug:
     
  19. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Odd that you are/were nearly in the same boat. And you live very close. I haven't really been buying gear too much recently, although I did buy an amp for a super good price.

    BTW, I have an idea for an invention that I might put a bit of money into. I think it will cost me less than 100 dollars, but I have to find if a patent is in existence. If not, I'll have to draw up a prototype (and build one to test it) and see if I can get it patented. If it works as I am pretty sure it will, and I can get a patent on it, I may make it a lucrative opportunity.
     
  20. PeaceFrog

    PeaceFrog

    Aug 25, 2004
    Los Angeles, CA
    The above statement has been my mainstay throughout life for a long time, I don't own a home, I live in L.A where the rent is high and yes I see a lot of other bassists with great gear and great technique. For a while I let this get me down and took on a real defeatus attitude last year and it really showed to my wife and friends. I realized that I had a lot of things that others only dreamed of having like a funny and talented 8 year old daughter, a beautiful wife, and a great job as of early this year. Once I looked at things from perspective of being one of many people in the world and that many others had it worse off than me in many ways my whole attitude and outlook on life was changed (prayer has helped me a lot also). Sometimes these things are put into life to teach us. Your doing nuthin wrong but gathering life experiences to help you grow my friend which will carry you through the rest of your life.



    -Tony
     

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