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What do you do when nobody want's to play with you anymore?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by joelb79, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. joelb79


    Mar 22, 2006
    Lansing, Michigan
    I've been a professional musician for over 5 years. Earned a living for my family during the mortgage crisis playing bass. I loved it. I made so many contacts. I was playing out every weekend, sometimes with other bands that I have never gigged with as a fill in, no practice. I gathered a bunch of industry recommendations, gathered countless fans (so it seemed) and was able to fill my week playing bass. JUST PLAYING!

    Over the years, I suffered from an unknown silent disease that wreaked havoc in my life. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. The worst symptoms I have had have been the psychological ones, and this has caused people to shun me publically. I am no longer allowed to play on stage at a gig that I had every week for the last 5 years; I mean I show up to play and I'm told to leave. I've lost countless friends. I've lost all my contacts. I've actually lost interest in playing bass, even throughout treatment. Not to mention the weight loss inability, I am fat and stuck fat and I have never been able to exercise. I face heart disease, type 1 diabetes and other autoimmune diseases because of this in life.

    Everyone wants to see me get well so they say, but nobody is standing in my corner except my kids and wife. I have quit playing bass all together. All my gear is for sale considering I have no job now. No gigs, no reason to play bass. my daughter has a squire I can borrow.. no need for my bass and amp. I cannot see myself ever in the same room with these people. I feel like an outlaw underground idiot. I've unfriended people on facebook for their criticism of me publicly. I've unfriended all those who will not gig with me anymore or who have specifically lied about why they dont book me anymore. I've lost so much....

    And one person here on talkbass probably has taken all my gigs, so talking about this here; is it even safe?!? that person lies all the time to cover up; like he has had my gigs longer than I have? I guess having a degree from MSU makes you worth poopie in town and me... WORTHLESS..

    To top it off, my therapist has quit me as a patient. She moved to her own practice and by contract she had to remove me from her patient list so the BUSINESS she worked for could treat me. If she treats me as a patient she will be sued by the practice she used to work for. I have no choice because of the practice rules that I agreed to even though this Is CLEARLY MALPRACTICE. I've been through 3 therapists there, and she was the only one who could break through. Now I'm supposed to take back the one who ignored me? I can't even consider using them anymore. F'k Lansing Psychological Associates. Worthless unless you need testimony in court or a golf pro for the weekend.

    I've been lost. I've been suicidal. Thankfully, I've found the Hashimoto's and I know that this can possibly be controlled with T4 replacement Levothyroxine. But... I have no relief yet. and i've lost all my friends. Nobody wants to gig with me. I've been fired from a prominent band in town that had to change names and restructure just to get rid of me for my mental issues. I lost my job over my mental issues. I lost 12 friends, and honestly I would rather not contact any more in case I loose anymore. I've basically ruined my life over the portion of a year while my TPO was 1588, TSH was 58, and T4 was .5, and no T3 Free. B12 was critically low.

    I feel so lost. I was trying to sell all my gear but nobody wants to buy it. Fearful 15/6 for $425? Nope.. Not even a pf-500 for $150. Nobody will take my pickups, bass body, neck. Nothing. I'm stuck.. I am 3 weeks away from being off unemployment and 2 months from homelessness. My wife is working full time and about to loose her diability becase she makes too mnuch now... My kids will looose insurance then. The state just pulled food stamps from us as well. I cannot tell you how bad it iss.

    Pray for me.

    I've been told to check myself into the hospital for an outpatient therapy program with the state mental health dept.... I'm scared to. The label. The stigma.. HOW THE HELL DID I BECOME SO WORTHLESS?????
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
  2. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    I will pray for you and your family. Although I do not know you and your illness in my work I have seen a lifetime of people struggling with physical, chemical and mental illness. It's a scary dark place but.... You have your family and no matter what that's number one. You need to lean on them and gather support from them. The strength from a family together is a very solid bond.
    I suggest you take the help offered for your illness and to not fear the system and being a number in it. I have seen folks at the brink of total insanity, homeless and broken regain their lives thru therapy, love,family and hope.
    You are very brave to come here and let this all out...kudo's.
    Any harm you will do to yourself will just distroy your family for the rest of their lives . Please reach out and accept any help thru public and social services you can get. There are people who are in your corner. I know I am.
    seang15, GregC, Tbone76 and 7 others like this.
  3. blizward


    Feb 21, 2013
    Rennes - France
    @joelb79, it's very brave indeed to be able to tell your story the way you did. I have lived with a person with heavy mental issues and there's no cure if there's no will for it. You're already halfway through the cure if you take this first step. Having an illness doesn't make you worthless. Labels, stigmas, don't make you worthless. You're a man. You're worth just as much as anybody and the person who thinks otherwise should take a clear look at his own issues.
    As stated above, I strongly believe that you should ckeck yourself into the hospital for this outpatient therapy program. You need professional help and the support of your family. One day you'll be looking back on today and find a meaningful answer to your question: What music will I play?
    seang15, Tbone76, golower and 7 others like this.
  4. joelb79


    Mar 22, 2006
    Lansing, Michigan
    I'm so scared to make that phonecall and hope they work nights. I'm not awake from 9am to 3pm.
  5. One Drop

    One Drop

    Oct 10, 2004
    Swiss Alps
    I hope you can get the help you need.

    Do your ex friends know that you have medical issues and that elements of your behaviour are caused by the disease or syndrome or the medication to treat it?

    Hang in there and get the first step done, trying to get the professional help you need.

    It's a shame when people are at their most vulnerable and have to deal with worrying about affording to get the help they need, it's hard enough when not experiencing these difficulties to keep the ball rolling at times.

    I wish you luck finding the right help, make the call and don't think about things like the stigma because the most important thing is getting treated.
  6. blizward


    Feb 21, 2013
    Rennes - France
    I assume that you need to sleep because of your illness and that the person in charge of the program knows that too and works accordingly. That said, it shouldn't stop you. If the therapy is worth it you'll need to go back to bed afterwards anyway :)
  7. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    I lost

    I lost my career gained 150 pounds etc etc due to that.

    It's invisable. You can't xsee it. It can't exit.

    Good luck
  8. BigDanT

    BigDanT Supporting Member

    Aug 26, 2011
    Hang in there man. My wife suffers/ed from Hashimoto's. She ultimately had her thyroid removed and now has to take synthetic hormones daily. During her worst times with this disease she too felt like she was going off the deep end. She would cry for no reason, say she just wanted to sleep for hours and she too picked up weight, which compounded her depression. It is a tough go for sure. But to my non-medical professional way of thinking it sounds like you might have some other issues at play. PLEASE get the help you need. PLEASE make the call.
    I have other family members that struggle with mental health issues and I see how difficult it is for them. The disease itself is hard enough but the social impact of their disease (lost friends, alienated family) just compounds their despair.
    You said you have a wife and family. Even if you don't feel you want to get help for yourself, do it for them.
    Also, don't worry about what you have lost -- friends, jobs, gigs. You CAN get all that back and rebuild those areas of your life. But the first step is seeking physical and mental health help.
    You were brave enough to share your thoughts here, so I'm sure you are brave enough to take these steps.
    Good luck to you and just know you have friends here!!
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
    seang15, GregC, Tbone76 and 8 others like this.
  9. Radio


    Jan 8, 2010
    New Haven, CT
    You have solid insight into your medical condition, and how it has affected your mental health. I hear your fear about the next step forward, but I would encourage you to disregard thoughts of labels or stigma. You will possibly be proud at some point of one potential label: a man who recognizes a problem and took positive steps to correct it. Joelb, we need you here to tell your story of recovery.
    Please make that call and get some help.
  10. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009
    i see you writing a book in the near future. you are an author now. chronicle your struggle and let off some stream at the same time. it will invite new people into your life.
    i could be wrong here, but i did enjoy the opening post. i hate to read and you made me interested in your story. i'd like to know the details of the situation!
    a similar thing happened to my mother. she went back to school to break the cycle of depression she experienced from the meds. we attended the same community college and she got a degree before i did. she got back her confidence and lost all the extra pounds she inherited. her meds knocked her out, so all she did was sleep and eat,.. no activity. she slept through one Christmas day and that's when it really got to me.
    what are your strong suits?
  11. TJH3113


    Jun 15, 2015
    New Windsor, NY
    Whatever you do, don't give up.
  12. Ewo

    Ewo a/k/a Steve Cooper Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2008
    Huntington WV
    I wish you well, in getting through this.

    I like the saying _This, too, will pass._ It can be a comfort in the hard times, and a reminder to be humble in the high times. At least, that's how it's been helpful to me.
  13. hondo4life


    Feb 29, 2016
    When your body and mind seem like they are giving up on you, you must choose to feel better. You only have so much energy, so don't let pain and negativity drain it all. Try to divert it in a positive direction. I know, it's easier said than done.

    That's all the therapist I got in me. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I have plenty of my own problems.
  14. Fat Freddy

    Fat Freddy Supporting Member

    Feb 23, 2016
    Albany NY
    I've got no helpful input to make here....

    Just wish the OP all the very best and hope for a full recovery :)
    joelb79, The Rage, RoadRanger and 2 others like this.
  15. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    How about we not get this thread locked over religious disagreements.

    OP, I would also encourage you to check into whatever program you can.
    el basso, INTP and Fat Freddy like this.
  16. Bassngtr


    Jul 21, 2007
    Methuen, MA
    I am praying for you joelb79. Please seek the help you already know you need (you explained your situation beautifully).

    Don't stop playing the bass. Play along to some of the songs you first learned when you started playing.

    If you are inclined, I echo the thought to seek out a church to attend and play at...that was my first thought on reading your post.
    They don't need professionals...they need loving people who can play, and that sounds like you.
    Check out the Praise & Worship Bassist thread on TalkBass...lots of good folks there.

    Asking for help is scary and hard...I know that personally. I fought it for the longest time. Then I did it...and realize how much time I wasted fighting alone.
    Thank you for posting...
    joelb79 and Rayjay like this.
  17. Robert B

    Robert B Somewhere under the rainbow Supporting Member

    Jan 21, 2000
    Rittman, OH, USA
    You're not worthless in the least. You're just getting slapped around by life. Life does that sometimes, but it can get better if you do something about it. As to the label, the stigma - shag all that! That's nothing more than worrying about what other people think and your welfare and that of your family are vastly more important than what other people think. Take the first step. Do the hard thing. Reach deep into the strength that lies within you and just do what you have to do. Turn your back on any arguments, doubts and destructive conversations going on inside your head and seek the help you need - no "ifs ands or buts". Do it now.
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
    red_rhino and joelb79 like this.
  18. Job 1: Get well. Make it your priority and focus. No one can rely on you in your current state, so don't expect them to. Be thankful for your friends and family who still accept and love you, drink in their support, and don't alienate them.

    This is war: You against the powers that have taken control and diminished your quality of life. Fight. Research. Find healthcare professionals who are truly helpful. Find answers, solutions, and lifestyle changes that put you on a path to getting well.

    Put your music on hold. It's like a best friend that waits for you patiently and won't get angry no matter how long you take. Fight, never give up, and get well. Your music, and all the good things in life, will be there when the battle is won.

    On a lighter note:

    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
  19. Buszkock


    Dec 13, 2015
    New York
    I've been in outpatient programs, in-patient programs, private programs... It's not like it's going to brand you on the forehead, and it sounds like you've been "stigmatized" already by your so-called friends and business partners. If it's been suggested to you and you think it might help, even a little bit, what have you got to lose? I didn't know anything about the condition you have until you mentioned it and boy, it sounds very scary. Have faith in yourself, knowing that you have a loving wife and children is also something to be grateful for, not everyone who has these types of conditions have even that. Take solace in your inner circle, and try your best to focus on what you have, rather than what you've lost. I am in no way trying to minimize the anxiety you must feel right now with what you're facing, but is the anxiety helping you in any way? There are no pat answers to solve what's happened to you right now, but know you're not alone, there are support groups out there, including the outpatient type, which will certainly help. If you need to find your voice, as you have here, the outpatient program is likely going to help you! I wish you all the best.
    joelb79 likes this.
  20. Plutonium244

    Plutonium244 Supporting Member

    Mar 29, 2015
    I have nothing constructive to offer except good wishes... When I was in my 20's I suffered from depression, had I taken the bull by the horns earlier I might have had a better life for those years... you'll have to get help, so do it now, and don't waste any more time wishing for another way around it.

    The associations you had, or ones like them, can be regained... but not until you take care of yourself, first. If you don't then you have little to offer others, which sounds harsh but I've found to be true. Best of luck, you have my strongest hopes and wishes for recovery and a more fulfilling life. I understand.
    joelb79 likes this.
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