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what to do? (everyone's input is appreciated)

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Bob Clayton, May 11, 2003.

  1. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    a friend of mine just recently started cutting herself ...not alot....and she says it feels really good....now i know this is not healthy....but how dangerous is it....and what should i do?

  2. Im a sock

    Im a sock

    Dec 23, 2002
    Central MA
    You need to get her to talk to you about it... why she's doing it, and what's going on in her life that's making her do this. There's always a potential for this to become almost a habit, and it may get worse.

    Just try to make her talk, and if you feel like its needed, try to get her to talk to a psychologist.
  3. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Please don't take this the wrong way, but your friend is deeply disturbed. Has anything happened to her in the past or just recently? Cutting ones self is a sign of trauma of some kind. She needs to seek counseling immediatly. You need to be there for her, and let her know that what she is doing is unhealthy. Cutting ones self is dangerous and it can get of control.
  4. I agree....and may I say BP13, your cat is a cutie! :p Is it a girl or a boy? What's its name?
  5. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    see the thing is....i know why shes doing it...

    her mom is like totally psychotic and has way to many strict rules on her....shes not even allowed to have friends over...

    and she said that she started cutting herself
    AFTER she went through therapy...

    why she went into therapy is BS anyway....she totally flipped out on her mom and locked herself in her room so her mom called the cops...

    because her mom is so over protective she won't even let guys call...so we have to communicate through letters...i don't know what to say in my next letter...

  6. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    thanks....i dunno though....i think it was Dave Castello who posted it and i stole it :ninja: ...

    but enough of that...stop tryin to hijack my thread:D ;)

  7. get her to stand up to her mum, man

    she's your age, right? she's old enough to look afetr herself!
    her mum needs a telling man, convicne her to stick up for her mum. get one of her girl friends there to help her out if need be!

    Telling her mum about this probably isnt a good idea, she'll probably just crack up or something childish...
  8. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    shes 2 1/2 years younger than me...and im 16...

    she has tried to stand up to her mom...it doesn't work....her mom won't even let her girl-friends over...

  9. OMG, jeez!

    time to really pummel her mum, man. tried before? well she needs to be forceful (anti violent), but calm and mature.. get her mum to like... give her a trial.... to show she's trustable around people
  10. A friend of mine also started cutting himself, about a year ago. This was over a girl who he really liked and split up with. Now I realise the situation with your friend is very different, but with my mate is was really just a phase he went through. Let's hope that's all it is with your friend.

    As Prime Mover said, make sure it doesn't get out of hand, and always be there for her.

    Hope you sort things out soon dude :bassist:
  11. when you reach that point... it does feel really good. but not for long.
    the only suggetsion i can give is TALK TO HER. that's what helped me get through it (well, i'm still kinda there.) you need to help her before she gets too far into that slump. how long has it been going on? find out; ask her about everything!
  12. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    best of my knowledge...she started within the past week...

  13. Killdar


    Dec 16, 2002
    Portland Maine
    Wow dude......ok heres a dumb idea that won't work, but I'm saying it anyway, cause I don't have anything else to say.

    ok, find a space in your house large enough for a human to sleep, then have her exit her house, and go over to yours, then have her stay in the safety of your place, and make sure her evil nazi of a mom doesn't figure out where she is. then when her mom flips out and launches a massive deal with search parties and such, you can tell the police, or other people around about the whole thing, and those people will feel for her, and hopefully the whole thing will be brought to justice.

    may the force be with you. :ninja:
  14. mikemulcahy


    Jun 13, 2000
    The Abyss
    OK reality check time. We dont truly know the full story between her and her mother, so lets not bash her. This kid is old enough to know better than to randomly cut herself. Its a control issue. She feels its the only thing in her life she can truly control, so she does. Now mind you this is based on the limited info given. Its pretty easy to place balme away from the source, there may be some valid reasons her mother is strict. Has she earned the trust of her mother to allow the type of freedoms she is rebelling for? She is only 14, certainly not old enough for carte blanche on decision making. Look at the choice she has made to try to bring attention to the fact that she wishes more control. I dont know that she can be reasponsible enough to control more aspects of her life. If her mother gives in to this, what kind of message does that send?

    This kid needs help.

  15. Turock


    Apr 30, 2000
    I think mom needs to give her a good spanking.
  16. lo-end


    Jun 15, 2001
    Believe it or not, cutting is an addiction. People who cut themselves use it as a way of getting out their aggression or other negative emotions. It's not necessarily an attempt at suicide if someone is cutting him/herself (**** this new English language I hate writing both pronouns) but should be treated as such.

    A "cutter" needs to find some constructive way to get these emotions out, in addition to therapy. Talking about your problems alone will not make someone want to stop cutting themself, they need to fill the void as well.

    Good luck with your friend, everything will turn out fine with her. This is what it is to be an adolescent.

    I know, because I am one myself and I used to cut.
  17. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole Supporting Member

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    I think this is quite possibly some of the worst half assed advice I have ever read on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

    In case you haven't read already, this girl is 13 years old....her mother has every right to make whatever rules she sees fit in HER home. Suggesting she "stand up", and most ignorantly bringing a friend along to help is absolutely ridiculous! Family affairs need to stay in the family, some know it all teeny bopper isn't going to do any good, just fuel the fire.

    Call the mom psychotic all you want, she's not the one inflicting bodily harm on herself!!!! Your friend needs professional help, discipline, and a good lesson in respect IMO.

    You need to do your part as a friend, and that's it...stay out of matters that don't concern you!

    rant off
  18. *ToNeS*


    Jan 12, 2001
    Sydney AU
    Oh my God, this sh*t is so unbelievably common with young girls that it's lost any kind of deeper, more underlying revelation that it might once have had. I work part-time as a social worker's assistant to underagers and I see at least twenty cases of this kind of thing every week; there is nothing to be concerned about. It's either a fad or a quite effective tool for garnering attention. The catch here is that, the more attention the people around her give her for it, the more she'll do it. Nowadays I see it as just another phase that adolescent females tend to go through - if you're afraid of her eventual suicide, be realistic. Everything involved with and leading up to that point that is genuine will not be spoken of by the person in question; if you want to die or self-mutilate to the degree of emotional release, you want to keep doing it - so you don't tell anyone, because logically people who know and care <i>will</i> eventually work around to putting a stop to it. My advice? Make every effort to put it immediately aside whenever it comes up in conversation with her. You'll feel a bit guilty, but when she cuts it out (oooh, a bad one there!) you'll feel a lot better.
  19. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole Supporting Member

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    I'll tell you what, between the highschool kids raising hell behind my business on a daily basis, and the crap that gets discussed on OT, it is the best form of birth control I have ever personally experienced.

    I didn't agree with many of the "stupid" rules I had when growing up, but I am forever greatful for them as an adult. Whatever happened to discipline, and simple respect for parents? Hope this doesn't turn political, but I think I am hearing a countdown to this thread being history anyway.

    I totally agree with you tones. I'd guess most of this immature crap is nothing but a ploy for attention. I mean.....how hard would it really be to commit suicide if you REALLY wanted to? I can't see it being that hard to be sucessful.

    I have absolutely ZERO respect for anyone that wishes death upon themselves overy piddly little crap. In the past year, I have lost friends the trajedy that loved life, and left many other loved ones behind. A family member of mine is also fighting a losing battle with terminal cancer, and she wasn't expected to make it as far as she has already. Makes me sick to see the losses of others of those who love life, and make the best of it, and in turn see morons using such a thing as this for a ploy for attention over minor, piddly little ****. Get over it, move on, get some help, whatever..... stop being a frickin baby. How does she expect her mother to respect her wishes when this girl is obviously very immature, and has zero respect for herself, much less anyone else.

    Sorry to rant, and go on a big sermon here....but people need to grow the hell up!
  20. *ToNeS*


    Jan 12, 2001
    Sydney AU
    Thanks, man. I can see a lot of the narrow-minded and conservative contingent frowning at my above post; but that's the reality of it. Sad, hey?
    Suicide, like you say, is not a difficult prospect if everything is mentally in place. Think about it; human beings are designed (by whatever forces, okay, let's not get religious OR political) to survive and thrive, to avoid extinguishment - it's why sex is so pleasurable and why women have such an undeniable need to fulfill a biological desire, and why they then protect the results at all costs. It takes a lot of some <i>very</i> bad things to reverse this 'drive to survive' inherent in all of us, and going on what little there is, it certainly doesn't sound as if BP13's friend is in any danger at all.