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What was the dumbest thing an audience member ever said to you?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Benthoven, Jul 17, 2019.


  1. Yeah. There are some seriously messed up people waving that banner. I'm a Christian. Although I never thought anyone would go to hell for listening to rock and roll, I did think at one time that I couldn't listen to certain groups. Then God spoke to me through a Rolling Stones song, and I realized what I shouldn't be listening to was any fear-based concepts.

    And roger on being clueless. People caught up in that kind of stuff wouldn't know a Rush lyric if it walked up and hugged them, much less the concepts Rush embraces.

    Jesus with a bullhorn! <snort>
     
    Mr_Moo, The Owl, equill and 1 other person like this.
  2. oldrocker

    oldrocker

    Feb 13, 2005
    Long Island, NY
    Was it this song?

     
  3. Not quite.
     
  4. ricknote

    ricknote

    Aug 3, 2006
    Nashville
    I was once asked, “How many boys in y’alls trio?”
     
  5. turf3

    turf3

    Sep 26, 2011
    No, no, no, no.

    Y'all is the contraction of "you all". It exists because in modern English there is no second person plural pronoun, as for example the Spanish "ustedes" or "vosotros". Y'all is ALWAYS plural, despite attempts by Yankees to impugn Southerners' grammatical abilities by claiming they have heard it used as a singular.

    "All y'all" is merely an intensifier. In other words, it means "each and every single one of y'all without any exceptions". It doesn't mean anything else.

    Some explanations:

    1) Yankees think that the following implies a singular y'all, but they're wrong. Customer enters small restaurant, asks the waitress, "Y'all have any apple pie?" In this case, even though the customer is addressing a single person, he is NOT asking the waitress if she personally, Mary Smith, owns any apple pie (at home in her fridge?)! Of course not! He's asking "Do y'all [the restaurant, collectively] have any apple pie?" Any Southerner understands this.

    2) Example of "all y'all": A group of school kids on a field trip. Eating lunch at a restaurant (why are restaurants figuring so prominently in my examples this morning? Am I hungry? I just ate) the chaperone might say "Y'all finished?" meaning in Upper Midwesternese "You guys all finished?". OK, then she asks "Go to the bathroom, walk around, but I expect to see ALL Y'ALL at the bus in ten minutes, no more, that's 1:15 pm. Got it?" That means "I expect to see each and every one of you without exception at the bus at 1:15".

    Trust me on this, it's not some exotic importation; the only function of "all y'all" is as described above. A lot of people say a lot of stuff. Most of them couldn't diagram a sentence or explain the parts of speech if their lives depended on it. And most of the people who claim to explain the Southern use of "y'all" aren't even Southerners, for crying out loud! Go through English class with Mr. Connolly and Spanish class with Sr. Egues and you will understand the parts of speech, the second person plural, and why we Southerners had to create a second person plural. Even better, it's a second person plural that doesn't have any gender (unlike "you guys" which I absolutely despise when applied to a mixed group or a bunch of women).

    Next up: The real meaning of "directly" and "fixing to".
     
    Mr_Moo, Spectrum, ELG60 and 9 others like this.
  6. Winslow

    Winslow

    Sep 25, 2011
    I considered explicating "right now in a minute," but I didn't want to hurt anybody. :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
     
    Mr_Moo, Bobhmcs and Miles_ONeal like this.
  7. Mine was after watching me play for the entire night,an interested female congratulated me on my performance. Then, she asked ,if I was the guitarist!!
     
    Mr_Moo and DrMole like this.
  8. Technically, you are a guitarist! Unless you were playing a DB.
     
    Ricky J Travis and The Owl like this.
  9. DrMole

    DrMole Supporting Member

    "What instrument were you hoping I played? Yes, that."
     
    Mr_Moo, Miles_ONeal and equill like this.
  10. @turf3 has it.
    I'm fixnuh laugh bigger thun all mama get out!
     
    Miles_ONeal likes this.
  11. No, she didn't have a clue of what the bass did. I did my best to enlighten her though....
     
    Miles_ONeal likes this.
  12. Bobhmcs

    Bobhmcs Normal? After 32 years in the USN? Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2017
    Reno Nv
    Standing at the bar during a break and a patron came up and asked my brother (a juliard attendee) "How did you learn to play that thing?" My brother (lead guitarist) "I went to college and got my degree" to which the patron replied "Boy I wish I had gone to uneeversitee and got edumacted and granulated!" True story. Struck me so funny I blew half my Jack and Coke out my nose. Boy did I look edumacated.
    Back to Grandson feeding. It's my watch.
    Did I say I love Bar Gigs?
    Bob
     
  13. Richland123

    Richland123

    Apr 17, 2009
    I had a good one last night.

    We were playing an outdoor gig for a volunteer firemen's convention. During our first set, we decided to play a medley of old slow songs. There was a woman standing on the dance area by herself. I said over the P.A. for the guy she was with to come out and dance with her and we would wait for him so he would not come out at the end of the song like guys usually do. He danced with her. We took a break and I walked over to the couple. I knew the woman. She talked to me and asked me about my daughter and a community festival I am working on and other things.

    She asked me what the name of my band is and I said, "Three Of Hearts".

    Then, she asked me, "So, what are you doing here? Are you just hanging out and enjoying the convention?" I said, "I am playing in the band and I just talked to you over the P.A." The guy laughed and she realized how dumb she was that she did not even notice that it was me playing in the band she was dancing to and I talked to her.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2019
    Mr_Moo, PaulS, CalBuzz51 and 2 others like this.
  14. RodRy

    RodRy

    Jul 1, 2018
    Kalamazoo, MI
    This is the sort of unexpected nugget of knowledge I love to find on forums. Please, geek on, my friend!
     
  15. RodRy

    RodRy

    Jul 1, 2018
    Kalamazoo, MI
    Now we know that next time you think someone is insincerely saying, "nice set," you can just answer with, "well...bless your heart."
     
  16. MustangWally

    MustangWally

    Feb 5, 2019
    Houston TX
    I remember a guy some time back describing his approach to staying alive in the music business: when talking to other musicians his infallible line was this:
    "Hey man, love your s h i t!". Try it, it works.
     
    Mr_Moo likes this.
  17. Benthoven

    Benthoven

    May 26, 2009
    Charlotte, NC
    Wow! I snuck into a club when I was 16 to see them!!
     
  18. Benthoven

    Benthoven

    May 26, 2009
    Charlotte, NC
    Oh boy, you should like this then. I built this in 1982 and still use it on some gigs. IMG_2829optimized.
     
  19. Richland123

    Richland123

    Apr 17, 2009
    Very cool! :thumbsup:
     
  20. That's quite a beauty! Care to describe the controls?
     

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