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What was the dumbest thing an audience member ever said to you?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Benthoven, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. 3wavylines

    3wavylines Supporting Member

    Mar 9, 2007
  2. bordinco90

    bordinco90 Supporting Member

    Dec 7, 2011
    SW Louisiana
    Can I play your bass?
    Miles_ONeal likes this.
  3. RodRy


    Jul 1, 2018
    Kalamazoo, MI
    I'm not sure if this qualifies for the theme of this post, but here goes.
    My band agreed to play a show hours from home in a dirt-floored barn at a party thrown together by a bunch of teen-aged farm kids in central Indiana. We arrived early, set-up, and did a sound check, then hung out until showtime. Minutes from our agreed start time, I decided to pour out the fluids I had been partaking in. As I exited the room of requirement, I could hear someone playing loud rock bass and an amplified vocal announcing the beginning of our show. I walked the 20 feet to the barn to find some stranger with my bass strapped on, and our singer making banter with the crowd as the guitar player was tuning up and the drummer adjusted some drummer stuff. I asked (maybe not as nicely as I could have) the guy with my bass to hand it over, and addressed our vocalist with a, "what the fuzzy is this!?"

    To which he replied, "I didn't know where you were, and this guy said he can play bass."
  4. DrMole

    DrMole Supporting Member

    This may qualify as stupidest thing ever said by another band member...(just drummers could have a 553 page thread in that category;))
  5. Volker Kirstein

    Volker Kirstein Supporting Member

    That vocalist would have had to sing missing some teeth had that been my bass. The erstwhile bassist as well.

    I hope you ditched that group.
    Spectrum likes this.
  6. She probably thought you were the lead guitarist. Bsss players don't get that lucky.
  7. TerriblePeril


    Nov 26, 2014
    I’m in love with this idea. Seriously. I like blending songs that shouldn’t be blended. I do a bass/vocal duet cover of the song “Lovely” by Billie Eyelash (the girl who wears Adam Sandler’s old clothes) and mix in the Stranger Things theme. Freebird Trooper is happening.
  8. kopio


    May 8, 2012
    Boise, ID
    I always make that joke....totally tongue in cheek though. I’ve actually started to learn to play with a pick. Fairly challenging for a guy who has always played with fingers!!
  9. kopio


    May 8, 2012
    Boise, ID
    Nobody likes a hoser....

    Not that bad, but I was playing upright at the time.
    Mr_Moo and Winslow like this.
  11. “genetics”
  12. kopio


    May 8, 2012
    Boise, ID
    Great post!! Classical Hebrew also retains a dual ending. The words that end with IM like Goyim “gentiles” etc.

    Also...my father is from Oklahoma...colorful expressions abound there as well. My personal favorite was when we were in my old truck and it was not a very smooth ride at speed...my father said “this truck is shaking like a dog $h*tting peach seeds.” Still makes me laugh today because of the visual you immediately get!
    Mr_Moo, TerriblePeril and Miles_ONeal like this.
  13. TerriblePeril


    Nov 26, 2014
    I live in New England, "y'all" was a very taboo sort of word. "You sound like a wicked hick" would be a frequent retort. Of course, the word became more normalized with it's prevalence in pop culture. But my German teacher in highschool clued me in to it's usefulness because it has a direct translation auf Deutsch that "yous guys" doesn't really jive with as well.

    When it comes to fun colorful phrases, my favorite southern style one is,
    "Working harder than a cat tryna bury a turd on a marble floor."
    And (as far as I know) from up these parts,
    "So mad I didn't know whether to s**t or go blind."

    I'm sincerely sorry I'm not contributing to the actual thread and only it's derailment but man I love where this is going.
  14. vstrode


    Feb 2, 2009
    Saint Louis
    Yes, I was playing through a DI for a gig and the sound man told me I kept turning it up and it was too loud...
    Mr_Moo and Miles_ONeal like this.
  15. A friend of mine used to say, "I don't know whether to s*** or go blind, so I guess I'll just close one eye and fart!"
  16. Keyboardist said to me at rehearsal last night "you're amp is buzzing quite loud"
    Me "I've not turned my amp on yet" :bassist:
  17. Jebberz

    Jebberz Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Jul 3, 2012
    Quebec city
    My EUB was once refered as an Electronic Cello by an audience member...
    Mr_Moo, ak56 and Miles_ONeal like this.
  18. Oig

    Oig Supporting Member

    Jun 12, 2019
    For an uninformed member of the public, that actually strikes me as pretty smart...
    Mr_Moo, Thorny1 and ak56 like this.
  19. Jebberz

    Jebberz Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Jul 3, 2012
    Quebec city
    Unfortunately, he talked to me for 10 minutes (always be kind with the patrons) and it was probably the smartest thing he said on the whole conversation.

    Also, i remember a night that two girls approached me and asked me if my Drummer and my Singer/guitarist are supposed to pick-out girls after the show. When I said no, they are both married, they left the bar.
    Mr_Moo, Thorny1 and ELG60 like this.
  20. b_carville


    Jun 26, 2008
    I've posted a few of these before.
    " Hey! How come your guitar only has four strings and the other guy has six? "
    "Why you playin' a Jazz bass when you're not playin' Jazz?"
    To a friend of mine( a great player) playing a Sadowsky , " Couldn't spring for a real Fender so you got a cheap ass copy!"
    Drunk to a guitar instrumental(surf,Ventures,etc) I was in. "What's an instrumental?" I replied " It's a song with no words" .
    Used to back up a Black Elvis impersonator. Called Black Elvis of course. Playing this joint one night we do the big Elvis 2001 intro ,etc.Out comes Black Elvis. Some guy in the audience yells out "Yo! Elvis ain't black!" I replied " Neither is Black Sabbath! "
    " Yeah! You're right".
    Probably got many more!.
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019 at 12:41 PM
    Mr_Moo, pablomago, Spectrum and 4 others like this.

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