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what would you do in this situation...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by ConTraBajisTa, Sep 14, 2002.

  1. ConTraBajisTa

    ConTraBajisTa Guest

    Oct 5, 2000
    auburn, ny
    i'm not sure if this belongs in misc. but if it needs to be moved, i apologize.

    now, i have been in a band since mid-march of this year. at first i was so excited and honored that they asked me to play for them <--them is a drummer, guitarist, and singer, and they even bumped their previous bassist to singer just so i could play bass for them. they were a heavy metal/alternative band.
    my problem is this, i don't want to be in a band thats going to be simple, boring, unoriginal nu metal. at first i didn't mind the music, but it seems that every succeeding practice that i go to they're more and more unwilling to learn new more complicated riffs that i suggest, and only try to play the easy 3 note, 2 riff, slow heavy (and in my opinion, boring) korn, linkin park or adema-like music. now here is where i am torn--the drummer, who got me into the band, is my cousin's fiance, and so i see him alot. in the band we're all good friends.

    should i...

    a. keeping working at the situation, have a talk with them, and spend each practice from here on working at improving our quality of music and musicianship (which could turn out to me wasting time where i could be happy with another band).


    b. tell them i don't think its working, and try again some other time with some other band (which could mean broken friendships and awkwardness).

    help me...
  2. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    any time spent growing is time well spent. If you are 'friends' lay it on the line and improve the situation or work on improving it quitely from your end... let them live up to your playing.
  3. Brad Johnson

    Brad Johnson Supporting Member

    Mar 8, 2000
    Gaithersburg, Md
    DR Strings
    If being on different pages musically affects a friendship, it's probably not much of a friendship. Sounds like you've made it clear what you'd like to accomplish and they made it clear that that's not where they're at.

    The sooner you quick kicking a dead horse, the sooner you can find a new one.
  4. go for B.

    Friends will understand you.. if they will drop you like a brick, then the friendship wasn't as good afterall..

    why limit your own capabilities, and waste your time, to keep other people happy ? it's time to get a little ego, and stand up for yourself !

  5. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
  6. B

    Find some guys your own calibre.

    I've been there, done that.
    It's harder ofcourse if they are good friends of yours, but if they are friends they'll probably let you go and seek musicians that you can play better with.
  7. B

    I've also been there and done that. As Doryan said, if they're friends they'll understand where you're coming from.
  8. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay

    I just joined a band similar to the one you speak of a month and half ago, and since then we have developed alot.

    It went from Linkin Park meets LimpBizkit with some cheesy white boy funk (compliments of old bassist), to hardcore songs with some real groove, and some really cool basslines reminiscent of John Paul Jones (Yeah I know he's a funky white boy, but he doenst play cheezy white boy funk.) Oh I forgot to add, no more screaming or rapping. Singing shows more talent and requires more thought.

    Im telling you, that the more time you put into it, the more it will develop.

    Just this past friday I showed the band 3 sets of chord changes I had in my head for 3 songs, and we are now working on them to develop them into really killer songs that will get the crowd jumping while still reatining all the groove of real music.

    Of course, this is my situation with my band. Your people might be different.

    Maybe you could play some of the music you are into next time they are around, and point out all the things that make each song so great, and see if maybe they are willing to try to put that much more effort into the music to make it relaly kick butt.

    Best of luck!

  9. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    B. This is a wonderful life lesson in people skills. However this turns out, you will learn something about dealing with people in a professional situation.

    Do what makes you happy.

    Good luck.
  10. I'd say B.
    It sounds like you've already approached the subject and encountered little interest from the others. If nothing short of an ultimatum yields any results, than it probably isn't worth the effort. It seems that the others are set in their style/ways and that conflicts with yours.
    You could tell them that you want to make music that is more challenging to you or else you're gone... but that isn't really fair to them and would be placing them in the same situation that you're in now. I suggest finding another band before your frustrations get the better of you.
  11. If you really aren't enjoying being in the band, then you should leave amicably. As long as you aren't leaving them hanging with upcoming gigs or commitments, I don't see how there would be any hard feelings.

    If you're having fun, but are feeling a little frustrated, then I would try sticking it out and keep pushing your ideas on them until they listen to you. Maybe you're cousin's fiancee could back you up. Of course, the last two people whose ideas are ever listened to in a band are the bass player and the drummer (not necessarily in that order).

    Maybe the two of you could start laying down some drum/bass grooves, and when one of the other two perks up his ears and says "what are you playing?", then you can lay it on them.
  12. Brad Johnson

    Brad Johnson Supporting Member

    Mar 8, 2000
    Gaithersburg, Md
    DR Strings
    What a wonderful world it would be if only that were true.

    The first band I played with upon leaving the USAF seemed to have potential, though in hindsight I should've run after my audition;)

    I was recommended through a mutual friend and given three songs to learn for the audition. At the audition they asked me to play along with the tape (I thought this was kind of odd). I did that with no problem... then they asked me to show them how to play the songs. They didn't even know them.

    We proceed to have twice weekly rehearsals which consist of arguments over arrangements and chord choices between the keyboard player and the guitar player. I usually play referee.

    Anyway, long story much shorter than it could be, one year later and we're still in the basement. We finally see some daylight and a financial backer appears. On a specific date we will enter into an agreement and receive front money for the purchase of new gear, recording session, etc. Six figures. One week prior to that date, two of the guys in the group start bitching that we haven't seen any money yet. The two sane members remind them that we aren't supposed to see anything until the specified date, which is one week off. That all we have to do is wait seven days and we'll know if it's legit, if there are doubts.

    They decide to call the backer and proceed to curse her out because we haven't seen any money yet. The backer pulls out. I decide that's the final straw.

    I spent a year of my life doing that nonsense. Nothing good came of it. If you value your time, are upfront with people, voice your concerns and find that you are still at odds with what they want to do, which is ultimately what they will do...

    move on.
  13. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    B if they like the music and you don't, no amount of talking will change their preference.
  14. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    B. If you aren't learning anything, having fun, or making money (AT LEAST one of these is required to keep me doing a gig), there isn't any point in staying with it.

    From the way you describe them, it doesn't sound like talking with them about is going to do much more than make them crabby.

    I think if you stay with it and the others continue to be closed-minded about the music they are playing, you will keep getting more and more annoyed with them.

    If you want to do something more challenging, move on. That's the only way to keep improving.
  15. ConTraBajisTa

    ConTraBajisTa Guest

    Oct 5, 2000
    auburn, ny
    thanks for replying guys. this is what happened at the 7 hour practice sunday... (yup, 7 hours, with breaks and pizza of course).

    i basically said i don't want to be a linkin park adema limp bizkit korn sound alike band. the singer and guitarist agreed, but the drummer kinda got mad about it. when i finally voice a strong opinion in the music we make (lets speed the tempo up, i don't like this lets try something else), he seemed to have gotten offended. its two strong music personalities clashing, but i think things MIGHT work out. we're both willing to comprimise and work for the band (plus he hasn't seen In Flames live!! where as the guitarist, singer and i all went to a show about 3 weeks ago, AMAZING, inspires me to make good music).

    but, if things happen to downfall and i'm not happy, i will move on. i think i might actually start a new band anyways, to play some hardcore or punk perhaps.
  16. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001

    I just saw In Flames live myself. I agree, amazing band. I'm loving reroute to remain.
  17. you sound like me. I just bought a 6 string to make things a little harder for a few weeks. Now its easy but it is more fun to play than on my 4.
    I now have more fun playing and I add in my only it of style in the songs.
  18. Go with B. I would have ruined my friendship with the guys in the dumbed-down Phish clone of which I used to be a member if I hadn't quit when I did.
  19. If you feel you are not improving yourself in a band situation by staying, then the answer is B. If you're still improving, why quit? It may not be the BEST thing for you, but if you get out, its possible you could be out of playing in a band for weeks, months, or longer.
  20. A. It'll work out.

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