what would you do?????

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by schecter5string, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. So I went to my guitar players house last night for drinks, things went really bad. Here is the story the best i remember it:

    It starts getting ugly when he states he is the band leader. I said no your not, a band leader is appointed by the band, if you want to be the band leader put it up for a vote.(we don't want a band leader by the way)
    Then he goes on to say our band name is XXXXXXX. I say no it isn't we have several names to chose from and it needs to go to a vote, he replies with no our name is xxxxxxx.
    Then he goes on to tell me a need to play a short scale bass because I am short,:confused: I rely with *** your not going to tell me what type of bass I play.:mad:
    Next was the ragging on my Sansamp bass driver, which is no big deal I just bought a new HyDrive 410 and I don't think I want to use the bass driver anymore anyway.
    Next was the fact that I have messed up some of the songs the last couple of weeks(which is true) My reply to this was I know, I have been working on our recordings to much and it has interfered with practice time, I work 7 days a week remember? I'm not going to work on them like that anymore and put more time into practice, if we want good recordings we will bring in someone to do it.
    He says I knew it, you don't take constructive criticism, to which I reply, sure I do, but do you realize you have been on me for 2 hours about all this stuff, at this point it is not criticism it is ragging!
    Really for 2 hours I listened to him bitch about this and that I couldn't take it anymore, so i get up to leave and he said if you leave Im out, to which I reply, I don't take threats well, and walk out the door.
    This is like the third time he has threatened to quit, the drama is to much, and the abrasive attitude is getting old. Did I mention he is my best friend?

    What to do?
  2. HeadyVan Halen

    HeadyVan Halen Guest

    Jun 11, 2010
    Do you have kids with this fine American?
    Only stay for the kids.
    Research has shown that really works...
  3. lfmn16

    lfmn16 Inactive

    Sep 21, 2011
    charles town, wv
    Get a new best friend. Seriously, what is your definition of a friend, because this behavior doesn't sound like a friend to me. It sounds like some woman who's boyfriend beats the crap out of her and she defends him saying, but I love and he says he's sorry!
  4. s4001


    Feb 2, 2009
    Life is too short for this s••t.

    You need to find another friend and he needs to start his own band and pay for the rehearsal time.
  5. i find it is wisest to have the full band present for any and all matters concerning the band as a whole, and that mixing booze and band decisions is 9 times out of 10 a Bad Idea(tm).

    my first impression is that there are some root issues that go far deeper than this, and it is possible that the points he made are manifestations of these issues.

    some dude on the internet
  6. MSUsousaphone


    Dec 4, 2009
    Lake Charles, La
    Endorsed Artist: Myco Pedals
    Are you willing to be his hired player? If so, apologize and get on with it.

    If not, understand that this is not going to magically change and just get the **** out of the situation.
  7. Mister_argentum


    Aug 30, 2011
    Time for a new band.
  8. Life is too short and there are way to many guitar players out there for you to put up with this. If you like the rest of the band stay with it and find another guitar player.
  9. :hyper:
  10. Jim Nazium

    Jim Nazium Supporting Member


    If I want drama, big egos, and cat fights, I'll watch "Real Housewives".
  11. Yeah, I doubt I would have lasted two hours. I would have told him good luck with his search for the new guy. Sounds like he was looking to oust you.

    The band leader is not "appointed", declared, or even voted on. That's ridiculous. The BL is the guy who has the space, the PA, has the vision and gets the gigs. He's the one who already has the name and put the band together. He's the guy who called you off Craigslist and asked you to audition.

    If you have to tell everyone you're the leader, you're most likely NOT.
    Monty Python - Life of Brian - so is he the messiah or not? - YouTube
  12. AwkwardLoudness


    Jan 11, 2010
    MI USA
    The bandleader is typically the person who pays the other musicians to work for him/her.

    What's in it for you if you stay in a band with this guy?

    Bands often break up because of members' differing opinions on goals, musical direction, who is in control, etc.
  13. lowfreq33

    lowfreq33 Guest

    Jan 27, 2010
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    I'm guessing you guys are relatively young?
  14. bolophonic


    Dec 10, 2009
    Durham, NC
    What would I do? I would not be in a band with that dude.
  15. Doctor Dirt

    Doctor Dirt Guest

    Apr 26, 2011
    North Port Fl.
    Their a Dime a Dozen===Singers/Fools and Quitar Players!
    Hold your other bros. together and search out another guitarists. As for the leader of the band I think most bands that progress have one. I've been the leader in my bands since 1961 and the two or three I worked in that did things by committee eventually fell apart because of lack of leadership. I didn't think either of the bands had potential at the time even though they were popular. Figure out whats best for you and if you feel that the group can stand the test of time then stand up for the concept and have a meeting and see how everyone else feels. A leader is someone who holds the band high on their personal agenda and represents the bands personality and suggests plans of attack on all problems and/or situations that arrise. A leaders not a dictator those jerks have their best interests in mind a true leader has the bands. Doc
  16. Somebody(bodies) need(s) to grow up. Then, when the aliens come and say "take me to your leader" you'll know who to take them to.

  17. Silver9692

    Silver9692 Guest

    Aug 17, 2011
    Well if he is your best friend, sounds like there is a lot of tension built up,
    You guys need to go and have a good old fashioned fist fight hahaha no but really he needs to step off his high horse, You should find a new band, if he stops being your friend because you're not in his band then he isn't a good friend in the first place
  18. senp5f


    Jan 27, 2008
    Santa Barbara, CA
    You don't have time for this guy -- especially if you're working seven days a week. Doesn't matter whether you're younger, older, or in the middle. There is never time to waste.

    Listen, if you're serious about music, you're going to have to surround yourself with the best and most productive band members you can. Good band members do not dick around about who's the leader, etc. etc. They understand what their job is in the group (whether it's to lead, support, mediate or collaborate), they get in there and do a damn good job and they work hard to move the group forward. From what you describe, this guy is never going to do that.

    Ditch him. Sometimes, to get where you're going, you have to burn a few bridges. It's only bad to burn a bridge if you plan on backtracking. Onward!
  19. Session1969

    Session1969 Supporting Member

    Dec 2, 2010
    1st off ,the BDDI is a keeper for a direct out to the P.A. regardless of what amp you're using. Keep everything at twelve or just run it passively(if you don't want to color your sound too much) but I'd never go from a box like that to the soundmans' Whirwind D.I. or whatever (unless he has a radial engineering D.I which is rare). Secondly, where the messups at practice or at a show ? Big difference. Third, if you go from a regular scale to a short scale you'll mess up your muscle memory unless you want to be fixated on your fretboard all the time. Fourth, next time he offers you advice, flip a quarter to him and tell him to buy his own business and to stay out of yours ! Surround yourself with better people, bro. You deserve it !
  20. It sounds to me like there is a underlining issue between you guys that you have not mention did you steal is lady or something? Best friends at least mine aren't like that even drunk! If there is nothing like that past stuff I mentioned than you need to find another band and another best friend because this guy doesn't sound like he would have your back in any situation.