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What your wife may not know...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by evlwevl, Mar 5, 2019.

  1. evlwevl


    Jun 16, 2017
    There aren’t many secrets I keep from my wife of 15 years, but one of them is the money I’ve spent on my bass and guitar collection. I don’t have as many as others, currently 9 in total and she would probably flip her lid if she saw my Sweetwater credit card statement. I joke with my friends who say if I die before them, they will be at my house with cash in hand offering the paltry sums of money I’ve told my wife my instruments had originally cost me.

    I’ve seen this exact thing time and time again in my other hobbies. I’ve seen guys flock to a recently passed model airplane club members house to buy parts of his collection for pennies on the dollar and a widow who’s content to just clear it all out. Same happened at a recent plastic model club meet. There was the widow showing up with a truck load of the the deceased club member’s prized model kit collection he amassed over 40 years selling it off like a fire sale for cash. Not that he’ll ever need his collection again but she could have at least asked a fair market value as I’m sure had no idea what his collect was worth.

    I just find it interesting because all of my musician friends have closets filled with guitars and basses their wives don’t know about nor the amount of money spent on those Instruments. Is it better to let them know so they’re not selling a $3k bass for $200 when we meet our maker or should we just die with our instrument purchase secrets intact and let our friends enjoy one last killer deal on us?
  2. That question came up this past weekend. I shrugged off the question and jokingly replied that I'll give her the pricelist on my deathbed. LOL
  3. Oddly

    Oddly Unofficial TalkBass Cartographer! Supporting Member

    Jan 17, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland.
    The answer, to me, would depend on whether or not she could do with the money.

    If not, let the friends at it.
    If yes, then leave a letter with your will, detailing the actual value of your collection.
  4. evlwevl


    Jun 16, 2017
    I think that’s the best option. I I have a few pricelists that need to written.
  5. MattZilla


    Jun 26, 2013
    I suck at lying, but there is something kind of nice seeming about this.
  6. Bodeanly

    Bodeanly Supporting Member

    Mar 20, 2015
    The bottom of every musician's will should have an "I love you," an "I'm sorry," and a rundown of gear value.
    DadRola, Glenn Mac, Mike Z and 40 others like this.
  7. From someone who's been married a long time, and only my two cents: This secrecy is a bad idea. For any number of reasons. But again, that's me, not you or your life.

    A cautionary tale, though: In a certain very-expensive-bass community, the legendary, true story of a guy who commissioned an extraordinary custom piece, came in on the far side of 20 grand, completely without the better half's knowledge . . . . until the innocently opened the credit card statement. It immediately turned into "Either THAT goes, or I'M going, pick one!', and the bass was on eBay real quick, still with that 'new bass smell'. And of course, he took a beating on the sale.

    Like they say, Be Careful Out There.
  8. SteveC

    SteveC Moderator Staff Member

    Nov 12, 2004
    North Dakota
    I've never understood this thing about wives and gear - in jest or seriously stated. My wife knows a lot about gear. She goes to concerts and tells me what DI the bass player was using. She likes how Pino sounds. I like the at she knows about my stuff. I don't see why keeping stuff from her is a good idea. She'd find out eventually. It's not like she doesn't notice when I'm playing a new bass or something.
    Night Rider, Glenn Mac, tw63 and 49 others like this.
  9. Scottgun


    Jan 24, 2004
    South Carolina
    I don't sweat it too much because she's a pro-level flute player, and the money you drop on a pro-level flute makes the cost of good basses look like lunch money.
  10. LBS-bass

    LBS-bass Supporting Member

    Nov 22, 2017
    My husband would never get away with lying to me about the cost of his gear (or anything else). I know what he has and I know how to use the internet, but he's never tried to hide it. Don't assume your wives are that stupid. If you think she's disinterested, you might be wrong. She might just be waiting for you to tell her that you can't afford a kitchen remodel.

    And as long as I know what his gear is worth, I can keep buying because I'll likely never catch up. So honesty can work in your favor, too.
  11. Aw lawd............
    EatS1stBassist and Bassgeer like this.
  12. tjh

    tjh Supporting Member

    Mar 22, 2006
    I am mid 60's, somewhat poor health, probably worse that I am letting myself believe … I solved it by just telling my wife, if something happens to me, my hobby stuff all goes to so-and-so, and my music stuff all goes to so-and-so … they will know what to do with it, and see that you get what it should be worth …

    … she doesn't deserve/need that burden ...
  13. friskinator

    friskinator Supporting Member

    Apr 5, 2007
    Montreal, QC
    Something tells me a lot of the people who do this would be livid if the tables were turned. Secrets are secrets. Doesn't matter if it's music gear, golf clubs, jewelry, clothing, or anything else. And financial secrets are quite risky.

    Also, death isn't the only way the spending could be revealed. If your house burns down or gets flooded, what happens when you file an insurance claim?
  14. Reedt2000

    Reedt2000 Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2017
    Central New Jersey
    I've been with my girl since 1996. Even though we're not married we haven't had separate finances in 20 years. She knows what I buy, she knew I bought gear before we were together, while we were together, and for as long as we'll be together. I try not to buy things frivolously, I use my gear to generate money, and I would never jeopardize our financial situation to buy guitars, basses, amps, etc. On the same token if she wants things for her that don't hurt us I'm all for it.

    No secrets here, it is what it is
  15. RichardW


    Feb 25, 2016
    near Philly
    See, this is why I'd like to have about six months notice before I expire--so I can take care of offloading my gear to 1) family, 2) friends, 3) the market.
  16. Wanker_Joe


    Sep 26, 2017
    I bring my wife in on all my gear buying! She gets excited from my excitement, which creates a kind of feedback loop of hype.

    Additionally, since we share the bank account anyhow keeping this kind of thing a secret from her is a no-go. But even if we didn't, why wouldn't I want to let her in on it?

    That being said, if I were to pass I'm not sure what she would do with my gear. Maybe save it for our son? Sell it off? We've never talked about it to be honest.
  17. My wife knows what I have, she's no dummy. But we have a deal: anything I make playing gigs is mine to spend as I wish. If I really want something, sometimes I have to save for a while. That's life.

    My daughter has told me that she wants to inherit one of my instruments. She doesn't play, but she knows how much it means to me. She doesn't care what it is or how much it cost, just as long as I played it and loved it.
  18. Lobster11

    Lobster11 Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Apr 22, 2006
    Williamsburg, VA
    My wife has a black belt in karate and a purple belt in jui-jitsu. I don't lie to her, or do anything else that she wouldn't approve. Ever.
  19. Medicine Man

    Medicine Man

    Apr 10, 2015
    My wife and I have all shared accounts, and she pretty much knows within minutes whatever i buy. Ill get home, and she'll be like "what does that pedal do?" It's fine with me, i spend in moderation, mostly. I'm not gonna say I never spent the night on the couch over a Mesa powerhouse rig back in the day, but honestly is the best policy.
  20. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    This. My wife can get whatever she wants, as long as I know about it. It's the same for me.

    If I found out she had ten grand tied up in a hobby that I didn't know about, our marriage would be in big trouble. And I love her dearly.

    The only thing dumber than lying to a spouse about music gear is going into debt to buy it to begin with.

    Financing it AND lying about it? Super stupid. Ridiculous, overgrown 4 year old, instant gratification, immature horse poopie. (IMO, YMMV, blah blah blah)

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