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What your wife may not know...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by evlwevl, Mar 5, 2019.

  1. Ross W. Lovell

    Ross W. Lovell

    Oct 31, 2015

    Still on the first.......
  2. ThudThudThud


    Jun 4, 2010
    'er indoors and I have been together over 21 years, and she's been the chancellor of the Thud family exchequer throughout. She controls all the money in the household, and pays all the bills. I have bought but one bass or guitar (an MIM Precision) without her prior knowledge - and that was purchased with some of a cash bonus from work, and didn't come out of the family money.

    I have a credit card that she SAYS she doesn't look at, and just pays. I use that for pedals, cords, tools etc. without any discussion, or any foul play. Other stuff I need (amps, cabs, recording stuff) I will discuss with her, and ultimately purchase.

    She bought me my last bass (2015 Fender Am. Std. Jaguar) as a gift, and knows the value of my custom acoustic guitar (a Mike Haney 'Legend'), so she knows what things cost...

    Also, we both are absolutely awful at telling lies. We can both tell. We'll sometimes test each other for fun. Never has anyone lied successfully! No point in telling lies. They always get found out, and no matter how trivial they are they still erode the trust of the relationship.
    Novarocker and the harp unstrung like this.
  3. StayLow


    Mar 14, 2008
    You'd be surprised. If they're rare peices from name brands, they can easily fetch more than most basses and amps.
  4. Eilif

    Eilif Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2001
    The point made about joint accounts is one I echo as well. I think it reinforces both not needing to bother her because about every little purchase because she can see them and doesn't care and the sensibility of being upfront about the big ones because it's not like you can keep it secret anyway.

    I'd be curious to see the article for this and it's sources because I'm not sure the gender difference is as pronounced as the author would have us think. Is it really any different than TB'ers who buy basses and then post NBD's...

    ...and I realize that when I'm pointing this particular finger there are some fingers pointed back at me.
  5. I keep a spreadsheet for my music gear budget and share it with my girlfriend a lot. I've gotten some deals and have been able to flip things for good money, so I think she'd be able to deduce the approximate value of certain gear if I should suddenly be gone. Though it may be the case that she doesn't really care or need the cash and she'll just get rid of them for cheap or nothing at all. Either way, I support anything she wants to do with my stuff, we've always been honest and open about finances.
  6. Dr. Gonzo82

    Dr. Gonzo82

    Jul 19, 2008
    I don't buy much, last time i bought something bass related was December 2017, a Ehx Russian Big Muff and Nano Bassballs. My two basses are strung with the same flats for more than ten years. The only thing that can get expensive is when my amps need new tubes or repair of some kind.

    That said, I got married two weeks ago and IF I decide to buy that expensive Cog-t70 I will definitely let her know. I want her to see my excitement when it arrives.
    Why would you marry a person if you cannot share happy moments ?
  7. the harp unstrung

    the harp unstrung What would Fred Rogers do? Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 2, 2014
    On The Bus
    I call BS.

    I’m sure you read that article!

    I call BS on its conclusion(s).
  8. Don't have the article, sorry... and sorry if the author "would have you think" something that you disagree with.

    Point taken. Keep in mind I will certainly be wearing a bass for more than two hours, and it's monetary value will certainly retain a very high percentage of what I paid for it. I see a difference...
  9. Ok, enlighten us with something more than "I call BS"... it's ok, I'll wait
  10. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Hint hint. Most women neither purchase $700 shoes, nor cry for, or need approval.

    Welcome to the 20th century (let alone the 21st).
  11. bassdude51

    bassdude51 "You never even called me by my name." Supporting Member

    Nov 1, 2008
    Central Ohio
    All I need is to make a dumb decision to comment on this thread and have my wife find out some how of what I've done and then I'm in big, big, big trouble. My lips are sealed.

  12. the harp unstrung

    the harp unstrung What would Fred Rogers do? Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 2, 2014
    On The Bus


    F6E0D2E8-14BE-4146-A558-A416E7DF6D21. :thumbsup:
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
  13. Russell L

    Russell L

    Mar 5, 2011
    Cayce, SC
    I don't hide purchases from my wife.

    I'm boring, huh?

    (Wait, I have a coupla cigars out in the shed).
  14. Make sure your sick bass is a yellow bass. If your wife can’t tell the Markbass rig from your other amps you are completely safe with the yellow bass :D:D:D
    the harp unstrung likes this.
  15. I want to come visit you! Wow!
  16. Novarocker


    Oct 12, 2015
    This is the one thing that gets us in to trouble regularly. I'm glad that she does question when I say we need a tool or such. Because it does help prevent wasteful purchases.

    The only thing I don't understand from her is how I'm okay with her buying excessive (in my opinion) amounts of decorations for every little holiday, when we already have good ones. Yet, she baulks at the cost of a tool that will be used for many years to come. I don't think she puts two and two together on the actual cumulative amount she spends. I did a rough one for her this year and she was spending in excess of $200 a holiday. All across multiple shopping sprees. But she was complaining about an air compressor which I use for side brick work (paid for itself in one job) and used on home renovations and filling car tires...all while we have half a year's worth of our income in a slush fund.

    She has financial anxiety that I've yet to discern the source of. But, we both do well to communicate and we have separate individual "allowance" accounts.

    If we had mutual understanding on purchases I think we'd avoid a majority of our arguments. Finances are important to any relationship! Thankfully our marriage is young and progresses daily.

    Communication is key. Can't +1 that enough.
    Pendulous and EatS1stBassist like this.
  17. Ric5

    Ric5 Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 29, 2008
    I build and modify basses
    I only own 16 …. and I sold off all of my vintage collectable basses
    Pendulous likes this.
  18. Eilif

    Eilif Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2001
    I take your point about the durability, utility and resale ability of the good purchased. Basses -even a new one- hold much more of their value than cosmetics and wearable goods. I have never taken a loss on a used bass and if you tally up the small losses on those bought new it's less than the profits on basses bought used.

    I was more referring to the way both men and women purchase things for the collection and for affirmation of others rather than because they are necessary. The items purchased do seem to be quite different but consider that when it comes to basses is that 6th, 7th,....or 13th bass really going to get played much more often than that $700 pair of Manolo's are going to get worn?

    Maybe. Maybe not....

    Despite the differences in resale value I don't see alot of difference in the motivations between instrument collections and collections of anything else. We buy them as much for some perceived use as for the desire to acquire and to share/show-off our possessions with others, and participate with those that share the interest.
  19. Jehos

    Jehos Supporting Member

    Mar 22, 2006
    DFW, TX
    Oh this for sure. When we're lusting after our fourth Roscoe or F Bass, it's not because it provides any real utility. It's because it provides a ton of affirmation in the circles we care about, like this community. Wooten sounds like Wooten on a cheap Squier P-bass. You sound like you on whatever bass you pick up. Sure it feels better to play on a nice instrument than a cheap one, where you're not fighting anything and your musical expressions can flow freely. But do you really need more than one or two of those fine instruments? And does it need to cost five figures, or would low four do the trick?
  20. cosmicevan

    cosmicevan Supporting Member

    Feb 1, 2003
    New York
    I don't understand the need vs want debate and why it happens. All you really need is food, water, shelter, and love. Anything that doesn't directly support those needs (ie. need a job so I can pay for the food, etc - need a way to get to said job...) is not NEEDED. I also don't understand the need to rationalize/justify spending. You spend your money on what's important to you -- like my family members who balk at spending $20 on a coffee mug that they will use EVERY SINGLE DAY but will happily order a $60 bottle of wine at dinner when there are cheaper options in the same flavor profile. For most of us talkbass'ers, we prefer to spend our money on bass stuff...and I am willing to bet that any of the people in this thread who claim not to have GAS for bass are surely GASing/treating themselves in other areas of their life. Buying that $5 starbucks everyday and not buying a new bass is the exact same thing as buying a $1,825 bass once a year and not buying fancy coffee everyday. So while you may all high and mighty with the $200 bass you bought 30 years ago, take a look at your entire spending profile before preaching about financial control - I have a feeling that all of us equal out at the end of the year when it comes to frivolous spending.

    Beyond the core needs for living everything else is there to keep us occupied and hopefully bring us some form of joy. While it is wonderful to have things you want, it is a bit of a stretch to generalize that people only acquire things for affirmation. If that was the case, then lying about things would suffice to get just the affirmation if that's all you are looking for. Communities like this exist so that we can share our interests. While I'm sure some folks use these as a platform to brag about, I think a great many of us use this platform as a means to find like-minded people who will not simply feign interest cause we are excited. This thread suggests that the only things your wife would care about with this hobby is the money sunk into it -- that alone shows that we need a community of other people who will feel equally excited about the new figured tops being offered on a favorite bass model or the V2 of the pedal that was just released that gives our bass some weird sound.

    Just my opinions and like butts everyone has em and they all stink.
    Pendulous and BadSanta1281 like this.

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