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Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Lucky Strike, Oct 21, 2013.
Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Then a man comes up and exposes himself to them. Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.
Dude digs three holes in his yard; looks around and says,"Well, well, well."
2 guys walk into a bar, ya think the second guy would've stopped.
Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper and the bartender says what's that and the pirate says
Argh it's driving me nuts!
Two peanuts are walking down a dark ally, one was asalted
Do you mean worst as in unfunny, or crimes against humanity worst?
The latter is so much more fun.
Couldn't post any of my good ones here for fear of the banhammer
Many inappropriate jokes to be told, just not here.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
You would, too if your name was eeeeeeeeeerrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh
I don't know if that one works if typing. Oh crikey. If I break out the Helen Keller jokes, I've had too much to drink.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Maybe the old classic....
A man and a young boy are walking into a forest at night. They walk deeper and deeper into the woods. At some point the boy stops and says "I'm scared". The man answers "You're scared!? ha, you're not the one that will have to walk back out of here alone!"
A man walked into a bar - Ouch, it was an iron bar.
A man walks into a bar and asks the waiter if they serve cucumbers. The waiter answer "Yes, have a seat".
Three pieces of rope walk into a bar. The first piece offers to buy the first round. He hops up on the bar and asks for three beers. "We don't serve rope", the bartender says. "I'm sorry?" "We don't serve rope." He hops down and tells his buddies it's no use. The second piece says, "hang on, I'll try." He hops up on the bar and asks for three beers. "Look, I already told your mate, we don't serve rope." The second piece goes back to the others. The third piece says, with a grin, "I've got this. Can I borrow your comb?" He takes his friends comb, ties himself in a knot and combs out the top of his head. He hops up on the bar and asks for three beers. "If you three don't leave, I'm going to throw you out. We DON'T SERVE ROPE." "I'm sorry?" the third piece says. "You're a piece of rope aren't you?" says the bartender. "I'm a frayed knot"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer."
Why did Helen Keller's mom put mittens on her while inside the house? So she would quit her incessant blathering.
Ever hear of the paper cowboy? His hat is paper, his vest is paper, his chaps are paper, his jeans and shirt are paper, his boots and spurs are paper l, his guns and belt are paper, his horse and saddle are paper Wanna know what he's wanted by the law for?
I know several that would get me perma-banned