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What've I gotten myself into? (tl;dr)

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by GeneralElectric, Mar 26, 2009.

  1. GeneralElectric


    Dec 26, 2007
    NY, NY
    Need some general advice on everyone's favorite topic. Girls.:meh: Not really sure what to do, and I can't really talk to people I know because they either know the parties involved, or they just brush it off to me being a man-whore.

    This is really long, but if you just want to here the basic gist, skip to the fun part.

    Here's the back story.

    I dated a girl on and off for a few years and we ended up breaking up a few months after we switched coasts and we stopped talking. This was partially due to sobriety (her goal) and infedelity on her part because while I had cut back a lot, she stopped completely and was going to meetings. (For an example of cutting back, in the last 5 months of our relationship, I drank 3 times ever and only got drunk one of those times [after she cheated]. The other two times were a friend's birthday where I had one beer, and when some friends visted me from Cali and I had two beers)

    We stopped talking for a few months, then when she found out my dad died, she came across the country to see me in CA. Then we were together for a few weeks after and ended again. Stopped talking again, and then recently started talking in Feb.

    The Chase:
    So she needed help with her essay for school, so in exchange she drove me up to CVS to buy some wrappers (Remember to wrap it before you tap it -Grandpa) and then cleaned my house so I could have a girl over the next day and not be worried about the mess of ashtrays and beer bottles. This was a Tuesday.
    The girl from my class spent 2 days at my house and on Friday I saw my ex again and we ended up doing it. Then this happened a few more times and we started dating again for maybe a few weeks.
    It was great. She was a lot nicer, we communicated, all that good stuff. She didn't care if I smoked or drank so long as I gave her a heads up so she could decide if she wanted to be around me. She finally realized that not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic.
    Yet despite it all, my heart wasn't in it, but I was comfortable.

    The Conclusion:
    So this past weekend was my friend's birthday party. There is this other girl from my school, who I think is awesome. We both got really comfortable really quickly with eachother but it never went anywhere. I liked her, she liked me, all that fun stuff, but it never seemed to line up right.
    We ended up hooking up though on a beer run, and then slept together later that night. So I effectively cheated on my (ex)girlfriend and I broke up with her that Sunday. She was pretty upset.
    I've never cheated on a girl before (mainly because I really don't do relationships) so I felt terrible, plus I really liked this other girl a lot. I didn't tell my now ex-girlfriend, I just said that I wasn't happy etc. I couldn't in good conscious be with her when I had feelings for someone else (coincidently, the other girl is only the second girl I've had feelings for)

    The Fun Part
    The girl who was in my class from awhile ago hates me, because her friend was at the party where I slept with that other girl. Its a shame because she's such a good friend, and I want to maintain at least something of that.

    The exgirlfriend, I found out last night, tried to kill herself and is currently in the hospital. I feel terrible about this and now while I have this thing on my chest I don't think I could ever rightly get it off. I don't want to hurt her feelings (too late) and I just want her to be happy and get on with her life. I still love her, but I'm not in love with her. I would like to, if I'm able, still be her friend because we have such a history together. (We've known eachother since I was 4 years old)

    The girl I like's exboyfriend apparently tried to do the same thing as my ex over the weekend though it hasn't been confirmed. She feels guilty about that, but I can't convince her that its not her fault. She also feels upset still about her exboyfriend and kind of bitter. Our mutual friend said that she doesn't have any closure. The girl told me today that she couldn't do anything right now, as much as she wants to, because she doesn't want to take things out on me for what he did, and she doesn't want to drag me into it either.

    So TB, what have I gotten myself into? Any advice on how to extricate myself from this **** storm with the most minimal amount of damage to all parties involved?
  2. Joe Gress

    Joe Gress

    Dec 22, 2005
    Pueblo, CO
  3. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    One of the side effects of being involved with multiple people is stuff like this. Just be honest with everyone, even if it means severing some previously-good relationships. You can't stop someone from hurting themselves when they're upset, but you can at least be straight with them. Since you say you "don't do relationships", it shouldn't hurt you too much to lose a hook-up.
  4. Vorago

    Vorago (((o)))

    Jul 17, 2003
    Antwerp, Belgium
    Maybe give all the different 'friends' in your post some fictional names because I got lost somewhere in the middle :p
  5. +1. The Unabomber Manifesto was easier to follow.
  6. sarcastro83


    Jul 27, 2007
    Toronto, ON
    I'm gonna agree with Hollow Man. Just be up front about where you stand with your current ex, and this other chick who is dealing with her ex. For as much history you have with your ex, if the magic isn't there, it isn't there. No point in drawing that out long enough to run the risk of resentment to setting in. You care about her well being, you welcome her friendship, and you can be there for her in that respect. After she's done hurting, she might be receptive to this if the friendship is that strong.

    If the beer run chick with the problem ex can manage to work her own issues out, and has similar feelings, she'll probably come back after a while. You might want to lay low for a while in her case. Let things on her end become a little less hot.

    Either way, good luck.
  7. Happynoj


    Dec 5, 2006
    I like turtles.
    So let me get this straight...

    You had a gf. You broke up, then got back together. Then broke up again.

    You slept with a girl from your class.

    You slept with your ex again. You and the ex got back together.

    You slept with a different girl from school.

    Broke up with your ex.

    First girl from school hates you.

    Ex tried to kill herself.

    School girl No2s ex tried to kill himself.

    School girl No2 doesn't want to be in a relationship now.

    Is that correct?
  8. Just be honest with them.

    That way it is easier to try and get them all involved together, y'know :bag:

  9. The main thing is NOT TO BLAME YOURSELF. Yeah, I guess you could have not slept with the other girl but for someone to try suicide over that means that there are other factors, not just you. She may be going through something that you may not know about or have some chemical imbalances that you or her may not be aware of.

    I'd be honest with all parties involved and just steer clear of chicks for a while, just being there to talk to and not trying to hook up. That way you may be able to drop the "man-whore" label that you seem to have on your forehead and reinstate yourself as a nice guy.
  10. middy


    Mar 14, 2007
    Looking for my ten foot pole....
  11. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
  12. Horny Toad

    Horny Toad Guest

    Mar 4, 2005
    You're tougher than a Ford Chevy. You'll work it out.
  13. Give everyone space but don't avoid any of them, decide where you want to stand with everyone involved and make sure they know what you want when they ask.
  14. DudeistMonk


    Apr 13, 2008
    Newark, NJ
    Easy answer to this question is just walk away.

    There will be plenty more girls, some more or less crazy than the ones mentioned.

    ...Sounds like you learned something and now its time to close the book.
  15. bass player 48

    bass player 48

    Nov 17, 2008
    That's a lot of words you typed there just to brag about your sexual conquests.

    Let's see if I followed along correctly:

    You bagged three girls. *high five* and two, maybe even all three, are emotionally distraught due to the way you used 'em for what they were good for, then tossed them out with the trash the way a man should *high five*

    You're a man stud. I want to be you.

    Is that what you were trying to say?
  16. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    You are feigning concern as a veiled attempt to brag about tapping chicks so good that they clean the house for you to bag another chick that goes suicidal at the prospect of not being able to tap you anymore.
  17. L-A


    Jul 17, 2008
    Problem here will be: either you act the jerk part, and other parties stop blaming themselves, or you're everyone's friend, profusely apologize to everyone involved and lose pretty much every girl mentioned in your post.

    Tough choice. There may be some sketchy middle-ground but my social skills aren't the sharpest around.
  18. Mark Wilson

    Mark Wilson Supporting Member

    Jan 12, 2005
    Toronto, Ontario
    Endorsing Artist: Elixir® Strings
  19. XtreO


    Jan 2, 2008
    Word, can this be summarised in less than 20 words?
  20. Mark Wilson

    Mark Wilson Supporting Member

    Jan 12, 2005
    Toronto, Ontario
    Endorsing Artist: Elixir® Strings

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