When a disorder affects your life

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Davidoc, May 20, 2003.

  1. I have a psychological disorder called paruresis. http://www.paruresis.org. This means I can't pee while others are around. I may have the chance to tour Sydney with a jazz band next winter break. I don't know if I can overcome this disorder by then. This is really serious. I don't know what to do. I want to go to australia with the jazz band; it'd be a great experience and look great on transcripts (I think), but my disorder might be a serious problem. What should I do? This seemed great, but I don't know. :(
  2. Bryan R. Tyler

    Bryan R. Tyler TalkBass: Usurping My Practice Time Since 2002 Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2002
    That's what the sit-down stalls are for.
  3. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    Get a private stall? Go behind a tree? Hold it until you can be alone? There has to be ways around this. Have you seen a psychologist to maybe help you through this?

    Something like this shouldn't keep you from opportunities such as this one.

    Best of luck, however it works out!
  4. Im a sock

    Im a sock

    Dec 23, 2002
    Central MA
    I have the same problem, except it's with sneezing. Although, yours seems a little more dire than mine. Maybe you should ask your doctor what to do? :confused:
  5. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    hmm...walk into the pisser, wearing earplugs, set yourself up, then close your eyes and go.
  6. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    I suggest that you get some friends to help you out (no really, stay with me here)

    You explain your problem to some friends that you trust and ask them to help. You have to kind of acclimate yourself, or get used to peeing in front of others - you have your friends over and start drinking beer (to take the edge off and assure the need to pee) When you have to go pee you will go in and shut the door, but don't lock it. Your good friend will be listening outside the door, but don't think about that. When he hears you start peeing after a few seconds he will casually come into the room and wash his hands or something. I don't think that you're going to just stop mid stream because he walks in, it's hard for the body to stop once you start - after more beers you step it up a notch - the next time he'll use the sink, but strike up a conversation while you pee. Go for a little less privacy each time to the point that you can start a pee while your friend is in the room...with enough patience and beer you could be peeing together in the bath tub having sword fights with your streams by the end of the night.

    Please note that I have absolutely no psychological training, and also please know that I am NOT mocking you - I really think this could work.
  7. do you find this disorder affecting your play in live situations...because of pressure, stress, anxiety, etc. of people being around and watching you, often linked to the worry of your performance on stage?
  8. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Deptford, NJ
    explain the situation to the others in the band...and ask them kindly if you could have the restroom in peace

  9. hmm, thanks for the advice guys. Those are all good ideas, hmm. I've heard the having someone work with me but, but it's not exactly an overnight fix from what I hear. I'll have to try that though. Hmm, it's not just the people in the band, but maybe... i dunno, there might be situations that i don't know what to expect. I don't have stage fright-I'm very confident playing a front of many people, although that still qualifies as anxiety, I dunno, it's sorta specific. ...Noise in the background helps... earplugs? I'll have to try that. That may be something to look into cause the sound of people is an issue (or them hearing me... but the earplugs fool me).
  10. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    An idea i just had...

    I'm sure the band would be cool with helping you out. Tell them your problem, and ask them if when in a public place, if they can kinda guard the bathroom door for a little while when you gotta go. I am sure the other guys would be willing to keep other people out for a minute or so to let you go do your business in peace. That is the benefit of the band, its like a brotherhood of people willing to help you out:)
  11. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Sydney? Trust me, you'll have so much trouble finding a loo that you'll be busting by the time get to one.

    I think the stalls are a good idea. I took to them when people started wanting to chat and give me a friendly but mid-stream slap me on the back as the tell me I'm a good drummer :rolleyes: Then again, I'm not a jazz player so that scene is probably completely different.
  12. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Some advice: Don't join the Marine Corps.
  13. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    I don't have a condition about it, but I go to a lot of public events (auto racing) where they have one huge troff to go in, elbow to elbow with all kinds of other people. I refuse to do this.....I stand and wait until there is a stall open, and use that. Something about it just disgusts me.....no sprinklin's for me!
  14. babecker


    Mar 7, 2002
    Sykesville, MD
    No doubt -- I like a solid barrier between me and other dudes with their units out.

  15. pigpen02


    Mar 24, 2002
    the problem you're having isn't an end in itself; that is, its probably only the symptom of some other underlying disorder, rather that the disorder in its totality. most of these things are expressions of a social anxiety disorder.

    what is it about peeing in public that gets to you? is it a hygiene thing, a people-are-gonna-see thing? do you feel anxious, or just have an inability to urinate? is this recurrent just w/ strangers, or can there not be anybody around before you can go?

    what county is annandale in? at the cheapest, contact your county's Community Services Board, ask to speak to a case manager on the mental health side of things, and they can help set you up w/ free or very cheap counseling services provided by the govt.
  16. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm... Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    Well I´ll be damned!

    I never knew that this was a disorder, let alone that there would be an association for this, I just thought I was weird.

    Apparently I then suffer from a mild to medium case of Paruresis. I simply cannot pee in a troff. I simply wait until a stall is free. For me it´s better if there´s background noise, but I can manage fine without it.

    Take good heed of the advices that have been given here. Good stuff!
  17. i never use public restrooms. and if i have to, i go for a stall.
    i have the same issue with hearing other people. i can't sleep when i can hear other people, either.
  18. i love you.