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When people do not return phone, text and email

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by PauFerro, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. PauFerro


    Jun 8, 2008
    United States
    I'm about 49 years old. Like most people in my age category, I was raised during the generation where people returned phone calls as a sign of courtesy. I have grown up with the expectation that when I'm in a long-term, working relationship with someone (my full-time work, my family, band members, community projects) that failing to acknowledge or respond to phone calls is a sign of disrepsect. Now, in situations where I don't know people, or in positions where I'm selling something (like my band to a bar owner), when people don't respond to messages, I don't interpret it the same way -- not returning messages is part of the territory. However, in long-term relationships, I think it's different.

    The younger generation, on the other hand, does not appear to have this view. I notice that when I have had work to do with people who are younger than 30 roughly, they seem to see technology as for their convenience. You can contact them about something that bears on your relationship, and they will ignore you if they aren't interested. Then, next time they see you, they act like nothing is wrong.

    I'm curious about how you all react to this. Is it common courtesy to return the phone calls and emails and texts of people with whom you have a long-term relationship? Or is it time for society to adjust to the norm that people who do not respond to phone, text, and email are in a way responding -- responding with disagreement, or that the issue is simply not important to them?

    I'm curious what you think, as well as the generation you are from -- if you are willing to share (teens, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's etcetera)
  2. I am Soma

    I am Soma Supporting Member

    Jan 2, 2013
    30 here and i return communication. granted if you call me i will probably text/email you instead of a return call as i hate talking on the phone. common courtesy goes a long way :)
  3. I'm in my early 40s. I typically reply to communications, though probably not 100% of the time. On the other side of it, I rarely *expect* that someone will reply, whatever mode of communication. I don't interpret that as a sign of anything other than that they are probably very busy.

    I also detest phone calls, and avoid them at all costs.
  4. I am Soma

    I am Soma Supporting Member

    Jan 2, 2013
    ha same there- i will literally see my cell ringing, hit ignore, and then text right back asking whatsup :)
  5. FunkHead

    FunkHead Supporting Member

    Mar 10, 2007
    It's never acceptable to not return calls to band members. Or at the very least keep the BL fully informed.
  6. Mystic Michael

    Mystic Michael Hip No Ties

    Apr 1, 2004
    New York, NY
    I'm 57 years old, and I see things as the OP does. The particular mode of communication ought to have nothing to do with it. It's the principle that's at stake.

    Some messages require a reply. Others require only a simple acknowledgement. Some messages don't require any kind of response at all, but those are less common, IME.

    Nobody is suggesting going to the trouble of writing a formal business letter when a quick email will suffice. But it appears that the great ease of modern communication has encouraged some to be very casual and very cavalier about the manner in which they communicate. At least many of those who are young enough to have never known anything different. :rollno:

  7. I am Soma

    I am Soma Supporting Member

    Jan 2, 2013
    i think the problem can be at any age. im close to backing out of a project as one of the band members never returns calls/texts/emails.
  8. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    I'm 60, I get all my band communications through my iPad or Android, I respond to all messages imediately. I think I'm the only one in the band that does.

  9. Pokerdweebz


    Oct 26, 2012
    Lititz, PA
    I don't think it has anything to do with age, but then again I'm probably the most mature and responsible 21 year old I know.
  10. Mushroo

    Mushroo Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2007
    Massachusetts, USA
  11. funkinbottom

    funkinbottom Supporting Member

    Apr 23, 2006
    Northern CA.
    Maybe. But it only takes a few seconds to respond, even if it's a quick text to say can't talk now. I know that there are times you can't respond or phone might be off (in a meeting, Dr. appointment etc) but not to respond at all sometime during the day is pretty weak. Just my opinion.
  12. TimboZ


    Jan 4, 2009
    South of Buffalo
    I would rather have a quick phone conversation that 10 txt's back in forth and still not know what's up.

    Also my phone is not attached to me at all times. When I am home it is on the counter and If it rings and I hear it I may get it, but I do not drop what I am doing and go running for the phone.
  13. I am 49 and this is a major pet peeve of mine. Also is when I call someone, and take the time to leave a detailed voicemail, but they just text back with "Whasup?". Check the damned voicemail before contacting me- then you can just answer the question in your text, rather than making me play text tag. This as someone without a smart phone who *hates* SMS/text.

    I also consider it polite, although not entirely necessary, to respond to communications in the same format in which they came in. If a bar/business phones me, I damn well phone them back rather than text or email. They stated their preference for a mode of communication and I will honor that. Sometimes a phone call is the fastest, most efficient way to have a conversation, especially if there is a lot of back-and-forth and discovery needed, but a permanent record isn't that important. In negotiation as well, phone call beats all other methods of communication (other than face-to-face).
  14. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    For band business, I drop everything to take the call. It's my #1 priority.

  15. Fair Warning

    Fair Warning Deliverin' the Goods!

    40's.....and I take a non-response very poorly. Almost like walking up to your friend or acquintance, asking him a question, and having him turn away without a response. I find that this poor communication practice effects my friendships.
  16. punkjazzben


    Jun 26, 2008
    I'm a 25-year-old university lecturer, and have to correspond regularly with rude people of all ages who lack both manners and professional etiquette. But most people are fine.

    Among friends, I have gotten to know what some are like with their phones. I know a few of my friends are not attached to their phones like some others, and so it doesn't bother me if they don't respond promptly or at all. Other friends I know are constantly using their phones, so it bugs me when they ignore my messages.

    For non-personal and non-work things, like calling a shop or business, I generally leave one message and give it 24 hours before founding somebody who actually wants my money.
  17. I don’t think age has anything to do with it. Personally, I return calls/messages (98% of the time) - and those who don’t return my calls/messages I write-off as fakes and dump them like a hot potato.
  18. I hate it when people aren't courteous enough to respond to communication, regardless of whether its email, text or phone call. I think email is what started this trend. People figured they had time to respond because not everyone had access to a computer 24/7. Now with so many people having smart phones there's no excuse so people's general discourteousness is more evident.
  19. I don't disagree. I just choose not to interpret it as anything other than the person being busy. That way, I don't waste any time wondering why the person isn't responding.
  20. viper4000


    Aug 17, 2010
    We used to have a singer that would reply to texts during songs at rehearsal (yeah, I know....). Then when we would send group texts/emails asking about dates or upcoming gig opportunities, she would never reply to those. Needless to say that didn't last long. Her flaky personality came to the surface and it was a bad fit.

    I'm 35, and I have techy friends and non-techy friends. The ones that are non-technical, are actually the best at communication. They have the old-school respect mentality and always respond in the manner in which you contacted them. These folks range from young to old. The techy friends are the flakiest people I know.

    Me being a Project Manager in the tech world, it is a serious struggle for me at times.

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