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when someone in the band says "hey lets add my friend"

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by runmikeyrun, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. always say NO! My gut told me to say no but I said that we could do it on a trial basis. Now that I don't like the guy and the original guy is in love with him the band is probably going to break up because we can't agree on him being in the band.

    This sucks.
  2. If it's a true "band" with a democratic setup, then personnel decisions should be unanimous.. If there's a bandleader, then your view should be heard but ultimately it's the bandleader's decision.. For better or worse.. Too late to set expectations now though.. Might just need to go with the flow in the interests of keeping the band together..
  3. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    This happened to me.

    I hate to give this advice, but when we brought in Guitarist B, he started to walk all over people's parts in songs, and played whatever he wanted, and tried to make it all about him.

    So I made his life pretty miserable, and spent a lot of time consulting with him about what he should and shouldn't be playing.

    Eventually, he grew tired of not being allowed to just roam free, and quit the band.

    Best day of my life!

    "Oh darn, Guitarist B quit. Whatever shall I do?"

    At this point, you can still save the band. Do a lot of video, and SHOW the other players what the new guy is doing that you don't love.

    If it truly is bad, they should come around.

    If it's not as bad as you think, maybe it's not as bad as you think!
  4. Factor88


    Jun 21, 2011
    Assumption: we are talking about ADDING a member (i.e. adding a second guitarist, adding a percussonist, adding a harmonica player) rather than replacing a member. Although I would not go so far as to say "never"; I think that more often than not this does not work UNLESS the addition brings some sort of immediate and tangible improvement, likley to result in better gigs. If we are talking about a second guitarist of mediocre ability this is not realistic, but say if it is a talented female singer or a excellent, versatile singing keyboardist, you may have something.

    BTW, one twist I've encountered with this is the "hey, my friend wants to play a few gigs with us. He doesn't want to get paid, he justs wants to have fun". Then after a month the guy is STILL coming. Then after a year he is STILL coming and starting to mouth off about not getting paid and how he has contributed for a year for free. I faced this situation very recently, and although I was out-voted about letting the guy sit in, luckily I had the foresight to get the band to agree that I would never have to take less money in order to pay the "friend". They readily agreed to that condition becasue they were sure the guy just wanted to play for fun. Right. Anyway, now two of the guys in the band take a portion of thier pay and give it to the "friend", myself and the drummer just walk away with our full shares.
  5. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    Define trial basis. Go from there.

    IMO, it should be unanimous.

    Make a list of pro/cons and do some recordings to come up with some semi-objective rating.

    Also, I think that if you conclude you don't want a smaller gig split then that would also be an acceptable reason for not voting him in.

    Will the guy get you more gigs with his talent?
  6. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    Yeah, it's kinda like when they add a new baby to your favorite sitcom, or have an episode where they jump over a shark tank on a motorcycle.

    Kiss of death!
  7. It was my reaction to "I'm pregnant!"

  8. I've never experienced it from what I can remember, but I can't imagine this working out well...for one thing it'll be the old "us and them" attitude, which isn't healthy for a band - another thing is this guy who let the mate in will argue with the rest of you on parts and things he would've been WITH you on in the past as he is more biased towards his friend...the other (kind of typical) scenario is they'll fall out and the old guy will leave, leaving you guys with an unwanted band member with a possible ego in which case the band's probably over
  9. I'm reminded of that story when one of John Lennon's bandmates said, "Hey, I've got this friend named Paul McCartney..."
  10. Dave W

    Dave W Supporting Member

    Mar 1, 2007
    White Plains
    That happened in my last band too. My drummers friend played guitar. I knew him as well, and knew that he wasn't exactly a stellar player. So I made it clear to the drummer that he wasn't "in" the band without everyone agreeing on it.

    2 1/2 years later and guitarist B still doesn't know how to play all of the songs correctly, is still working out his solos, and I left the band. Not only because of him, but it was certainly a part of it.
  11. Yeah, and look how that turned out! They didn't last another 8 years after that right?
  12. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Someone asking to add a friend is almost as bad as someone asking to add their wife. In both cases, the answer should be no.
  13. Fair enough...but that was a very rare case (VERY bloody rare! lol)
  14. Liam Wald

    Liam Wald Supporting Member

    May 17, 2011
    California Coast
    If a band is a Democracy then the band leader should get rich (like 99% of the money) and everyone else should struggle, suffer, and starve.
    Decisions should be made by everyone but then the leader gets to just do as he pleases regardless of what anyone thinks.
    A new leader should be chosen every few years based upon who has the most money, so the current leader gets to stay leader.
    Everyone in the band should be given 100% freedom... to quit if they want.
  15. colcifer

    colcifer Esteemed Nitpicker Supporting Member

    Feb 10, 2010
    A Galaxy Far, Far Away
    Similarly, Hey, I've got this friend named Pete Townshend..."

    Friends aren't all bad.
  16. I'm reminded of the dancing guy from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.
  17. Ha!

    Frankie Goes To Hollywood had "Dancin' Man" and I think that's all he did.
  18. SBassman


    Jun 8, 2003
    Northeast, US
    If this is going to break up your band, it was going to break up eventually anyway.
  19. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    We'll see how long that lasts before the other guys start saying how unfair that is :ninja:
  20. maxiegrant

    maxiegrant Bassist in Transition

    Nov 26, 2007
    Sellersburg, IN
    I have a dilemma like this: I have an old friend from a previous band who I keep thinking I want to add to the group. I don't doubt his skills at all -- he and I have a long history.

    It's just that I love the dynamic I have with a trio right now. As much as I'd love some backing vocals and a second guitar to thicken up the sound, we do really well as we are now. So, I have not pursued it.

    I was in a band where the guitarist and lead singer were dating. It was the hands-down most awful experience of my life. The singer couldn't remember any of her lyrics and embarrassingly dragged a music stand on stage. These were top 40 pop songs, that any idiot could have memorized. And remember, she had no other responsibilities. What was worse was that I could sing higher than she could . . . and I don't think it was because I had a better voice. I just don't think she tried. Ever.

    The guitarist was a wanker who knew almost nothing but those cheesy GIT licks and riffs, and had no actual musicianship in him, and certainly no depth to his playing. But the worst part was, they had this stupid book "how to make it in the music industry" written by some total unknown who obviously was writing one "how to do something I have no experience doing" book after another. They followed that idiotic book slavishly as if it were the damn Bible. They ended up kicking me out because they could tell I just didn't respect what we were doing.

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