Where are the great gals anyway?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Tsal, Oct 3, 2002.

  1. Tsal


    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland, EU

    I'm getting closer to the 'Friends'-stage on my love life (you know, the Friends episode where Ross is getting desperate at the point where last time he got lucky was six months earlier) and perhaps some stories from fellow TB'ers would cheer me up.

    Um.. Well to H with it, these posts are here to brag about, so let's go! :rolleyes: Where the H are all the nice gals?! I know I can't be so horrible to look at, and I when I get to talk I'm nice and don't go around stuttering and blushing. So how come I can't find any really nice gal to go out with? :confused:

    So guys, please, cheer me up here a bit with your stories how you bumped up with your ladies, the past or the present - perhaps even some advice would be in place ;)

    As a side-note, I think my problem is I don't get to talk to girls so often. I do go to bars, but when you start chatting with girls there, they naturally assume that you are wanting to get laid and well, that's not very me. You know, if I try to hit some girl, it's someone I would like to see after the next morning too! Perhaps I should go solely on internet dating :(
  2. BassAxe


    Jul 22, 2002
    Culpeper, VA

    I hate to admit this, but it was the internet thing that happenned for me. No, not some dating service. Just a regular chatroom.

    Before I go any further, I must advise you not to lock yourself into the internet in search of love 24/7. This is something to accomplish on multiple fronts. For example: You get on the computer all day, every day, and a "woman" in the chatroom askes what you have been up to? You can give her a B.S. answer and she'll probably see it as such. If you honestly tell her that you have been on the computer all week, she'll think you are a freak and exit right away.

    Second, stop looking for love. Get a life, go on with it, be yourself, and let things happen. You can't force someone to like you and the "desparate, pleading look" has no appeal.

    Also, skip the beaches or swimming pools. You can't find a woman when you have your eyes in her cleavage.

    *hops off of his soapbox*

    Okey, I was in a chatroom with several other people. The subject came up about where everyone was from. I was in Florida. So was someone else. Where in Florida? Same town. Doing what? Going to college. So was she, but a different college.

    We saw eachother on the internet off and on for about a month, but the whole time I figured that any girl who knew anything about computers (this was in the mid 90s when "graphics" meant creative uses of ASCII characters to make pictures) has to be ugly, fat, or severely lacking in some social skills. Thus, I just talked with her. We chatted. We had things in common but differences, as well. I didn't boast or make up stories about myself. Eventually we decided to exchange phone numbers. We talked every once in a while, at first, but then it became a regular part of the day to spend some time on the phone with her. I wasn't looking forward to seeing eachother in person because I'm not that great looking a guy. I didn't expect her to be much to look at, either.

    We finally did agree to meet. She was such a BABE! I would have been a dog all over her leg... if I hadn't already gotten to know her as a friend. We went to a museum and followed that with a Native American Pow Wow that was going on that weekend. We ended up seeing eachother on 5 days out of that first week.

    Fast forward 7 years and we are married with our first kid. She's still a hottie, but she gets jealous whenever I have my arms around a bass.

    The fact that she graduated 7th in her class while I was middle-of-the-pack doesn't matter. I'm better off with an intelligent person instead of some bimbo I met in a bar.

    There was no trick, so I don't know what to tell you. All I know is that I gave up on trying to find love and when I wasn't expecting it, it fell in front of my path. :rolleyes:
  3. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    IME, busy dating/chasing jerks... OK not really but sometimes it seems that way...
  4. oddentity

    oddentity Supporting Member

    Nov 20, 2000
    Well, I met my gf on the internet. I did the personals thing, though, not the chatrooms. I definitely agree with what BassAxe said about working on multiple fronts... around the time I put up my ad, I had gotten shot down a few times at bars, and gone on a few dates that never went anywhere.

    Same exact thing in my case! :D
  5. Velocimaniac


    Jun 14, 2002
    Girls are the best and worst thing that can happen to a guy. If you're this eager for a girlfriend, you really don't need one right now. I've been in your situation before and being too hasty in choosing the right girl is a very bad thing, and unless you've got completely unwavering willpower you will choose the wrong one if she likes you. I chose the wrong one and it's been very, very bad. I had to break up with her and she still won't relent. Don't look so hard, eventually you'll find the right one:)
  6. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    The only girl that i thought was the most awesoem girl in the world, i desided to respect her, and not hit on her. now she's my girlfriend for the 3rd year running, my best advice is, be yourself, and don't be afraid of girls, just, talk, make a stupid joke, say something stupid, jsut to get a responce. then go from there.
  7. Tsal


    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland, EU
    Yea, I think you guys are right, I need to stop thinking every girl as a possible 'lay', but instead as a friend.

    Doesen't exactly help that I'm 20 and all my friends are either dating or hunting girls all the time. In fact, one question that always gets asked each time I see my friends is 'you got any last weekend?' for laughing out loud, but anyways.. :p

    This is what I like in TB; people here help you to see the answers that are right in front of you.
  8. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    I was her accompanist in high school. We were in jazz band together. She wouldn't go out with me (I was a freshman, she was a junior).

    Then she sang at my first wedding. When I was getting divorced, I got a wedding invitation from her (she was in Hawaii, where I found out the Army was moving me).

    We hung out, her marriage went south. We hooked up. 9 years ago.
  9. John Davis

    John Davis Guest

    Mar 27, 2001
    Houston, Texas
    Oh, I know where they all are...they're all my friends. :eek:
  10. Reading this thread has reminded me that... GOD! I need to get out more.. I've had 2 dates since my ex-wife left me 3 years ago.. and neither one of them went very well.. I wonder if the fact that I have the social skills of a dead leper has anything to do with that..

    Perfect example of my luck with women:

    As I entered a club (about a year after the ex left) i spot a very attractive woman walking in my direction. our eyes meet, we both smile. As we drew nearer each other, she smiles and says "Do i know you?" Now, not being a man who's ever been accused of being Don Juan, I replied "I'm not sure. What's your name?" At this point her smile faded and she said "I didn't think so," and proceeded to walk out the door.

    All I could do was laugh. :D
  11. Well as writen before the advise I would give is:
    Give up trying to search..

    I was desperately searching after a long relationship for about 2 years. And when I gave up searching I got about 8 girlfriends in a row, and still with nr. 8 now for about 1,5 years.

    Also very wierd is the fact I almost only dated girls who had something with music (a few guitar players, a drummer, a bassplayer and a dj). Really funny that is..
  12. Eh...those 8 in a row, are we talking, hook up, break up after a couple weeks, hook up with another after a couple days, break up after a couple weeks etc.?

    Because if we are, then I would imagine that that would equate bad luck with women...
  13. hook up, break up after about a month or 2 months,
    the single for a few weeks...then hook up ect. ect.

    It was a bit of bad luck in the beginning, get dumped again..:( But now..I have a steady relationship for 1,5 years..:)
  14. Tsal


    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland, EU
    This reminds me, last time I was hit on, it was by some gay guy :eek: Well, he was nice I guess and very persistent but since I have high hopes of scoring females at some gigs I'll be playing, I decided not to swing that way :p:D

    But anyways, how come there aren't more you guys posting your female-adventures here? I know most of people have some great stories when it comes about women and dating, so bring 'em on! :cool:
  15. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    If you want the "real deal", (not a wedding, not a one-night stand either, but just a great relationship) I like what Polly says.

    There's a lot of truth in this old adage although the wording is outdated;

    "Treat a whore like a queen,
    Treat a queen like a whore"

    The way it applies is that people who have been poorly treated in the past really value someone who will respect them, and, that people who have been treated like they're some kind of god/godess really dig people who will treat them openly and honestly. There are a lot of attractive women who are tired of men who are intimidated by them or who feel they have to put on an act for them. There are exceptions, but those people are phony anyway, (some like to play games or are attracted to someone by their car/job/wealth/et al).

    Funny thing - some guys use being a musician as an "angle." I never mention it unless forced to. For some women, that's the only real reason they are attracted to you and for others, it's an immediate turn-off because they think we're all impoverished, irresponsible, lazy, addicts. IMO, either way, those who find it as the main reason to be turned-on or to be turned-off, aren't the ones you'll find a great relationship with anyway.
  16. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    The only advice I can give about the bar scene is: Generally speaking, you are not going to meet a "nice girl" in a bar, tavern or nightclub. They're usually not there to meet a potential life-mate (a lot of guys aren't either, ladies).

    Tsal, do you have any hobbies? Are there any clubs or groups in your area that facilitate those hobbies? Joining such a group might be an easy way to meet girls (or better yet, women) with your same interests. What about work? Are you friendly with anyone at work -- anyone that you want to get to know on a more intimate level (keep your minds out of the gutter when I say intimate, peeps)? Start slowly. Ask a co-worker to lunch sometime. Build up the friendship first, everything else will fall into place. Don't try so hard. It's always easier to find something when you don't look for it (profound, huh?).

    You'll find someone. Just be yourself and someone will find you, I promise!
  17. I was hooked up with the Sheb*tch from Hell (TM) - the kind of woman who would gladly make you swear off women and become a Shaolin Monk or Catholic priest or whatever -- she didn't start that way, but man, was that the worst case of false advertising ever!

    I finally broke it off with her and just went about my business, swearing I was done with the dating BS for a LONG TIME.

    Wouldn't you know... I met my wife about two months later. She cut my hair, and looked at me with those damned beautiful green eyes of hers, and I was done. It took me about four months to get up the nerve to ask her out, but once I did, I _knew_

    Almost 13 years and two beautiful daughters later, we're still best friends. And, get this: She likes the music I play and likes my two bandmates -- and lets us practice IN the house :)

    Seriously, don't sweat it. Just be yourself and do your thing and don't focus too much on finding a woman. Sometimes, the right one finds you. A lot of females are turned off by that air of desperation :)
  18. Frank Martin

    Frank Martin Bitten by the luthiery bug...

    Oct 8, 2001
    Budapest, Hungary, EU
    Well i dont know I'm just 19 but so far all the girls dumped me on the spot. on the spot - like death on the spot. I'm so damn sensitive, the only thing stopping me from suicide and keeping some life in me was my BASS. and some very dark music to kill all feelings out of me. So you still can say your luckier in life than me - you at least have been dating someone for a time. And I dont think its because of my age as I see 16 and 17-year-olds with thier girlfriends and, as always, there are my classmates boasting about their new gf. And its not besause of my looks - with my beard and moustache I think I dont at all look bad - many heads turn at me on the street and sometimes I feel like a spectacle (well my height can be a reason for that but I think I have a very uncommon and distinctive face)

    At least this made my soul (if I still have it) lighter. And now you know there are poeple worse off than you...
  19. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca
    they're all in sweden.
  20. Glad you specified "great" girls, instead of just girls. A couple friends of mine go to the bar 5 nights a week in hopes of meeting someone and I think the longest relationship either one of them has had is maybe a month, but hey, that's all they are looking for so I guess it's ok.

    Personally I've never been interested in the kind of girls you'd usually find at a bar. I was talking to one girl and I mentioned I was in a band. She asked what we were called I said "Feelings of Inadequacy"...after 5 minutes of trying to successfully explain what "Inadequacy" meant I decided that I wouldn't give her a demonstration :D:D:p (hey, better I make the joke than someone else).

    So far, college seems like a much more promising place to find a good one, but maybe it requires some amount of effort...oh well.