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Who here is dealing with eldercare issues, and how are you getting along?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Michedelic, Feb 28, 2014.

  1. Michedelic

    Michedelic MId-Century Modern

    After 3.5 years in a retirement/assisted living community, my mother passed away right before last Thanksgiving. Intellectually, you know it's coming, but of course the way it actually unfolds is never predictable or emotionally easy. The final month was a sad quick downward spiral, but up until then she did fairly well, in spite of increasing dementia. Those of you who have been through it know that it doesn't just stop there. While I had already been sorting through her house and cleaning/organizing all the while she was in her new environment, I still have a long way to go(I found it ironic that I came across the movie "Grey Gardens" with Drew Barrymore on cable not long after the series of events that led to her moving, and let's not even talk about "Hoarders"). Still plenty of paperwork to go as well. What blew my mind was that while I had my emotional/logistical stuff to go through, all of a sudden practically half of my friends in my hometown AND where I currently live were having similar experiences, and these were people 10 years or so either way of my own age(not to mention the occasional losses of those in my own peer group). One upside is that there is this shared experience/note comparing/support group aspect of that situation. And now I'm assisting my girlfriend through the same process. So, who here is in the thick of it? Feel free to vent, you have to let it out, don't feel guilty or ashamed. It's a very frustrating place to be, full of emotional contradictions, as well as the financial and medical grief. Has it affected your music making, either motivationally or time-wise?
  2. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism Supporting Member

    I think this is more of an off topic thread.
  3. Joedog


    Jan 28, 2010
    Pensacola FL
    Yep, both Mom and Dad-in-law passed from altzeimers (sp?). I always tried to stay positive. Any day I could make them smile or laugh was a good day. I've often said that some of the best most loving and connected moments I had with Mom were after she was sick. It really gives one perspective to what is important in life. I can't say it affected my music directly, but in an overall sense, the experience has changed me deeply. Less caring about the piddly stuff is probably the biggest effect on my attitude in general. I am also more "aware" of how important the people in my life are to me.
  4. Oh boy. That's a disease that just rips me apart. I'm also convinced that I will be there. My great grandmother had it and my grandmother on my moms side is dealing with it now. My moms dad and his dad both suffered from it as well. It starts comical but can become very sad and ill tempered very quickly. Effects people very drastically as well. My Nana was a very sweet, kind, and loving woman her whole life. Now she can be just plain mean most days.

    I do however love to tell the story of my great grandmother and my twins. Just an amazing powerful experience. I lived out of state when my sons were born. My grandmother had suffered with Alzheimer's for many years prior. She didn't know who her children were anymore. We drove to PA when my boys were 6 months old.
    We took them to her house, mainly to allow her to see her first great-great grandkids, but to also get the 5 generation Kodak moment.
    Was a typical visit, her sitting on the couch telling me the same stories 2-3 times. Then I asked if she wanted to hold my kids. I gave her my youngest twin and she just smiled and held him. Then I placed the older in her other arm......wow. gives my shivers as I type.

    She looked down at both my sons in her arms for a few minutes, then with a great big smile, said to me, " Byron, these are your sons!"
    Mind you, she hadn't known my name for almost 5 years prior. The next hour and a half while she held them was wonderful. All her children came and she spoke like she never forgot anything. Was nice to have her back even for that short amount of time.
  5. ZenG


    Dec 13, 2013
    Near the fridge
    I am in a similar situation as we speak....

    My wife's mother is going the down the path of "dementia' and horrendous memory loss.....

    It's been going on slowly for quite awhile now.......little by little she is getting worse......

    She's in her eighties and many of her friends are around that age as well.....

    What gets me is the number of her friends who are in the same position mentally now.......

    If my wife wasn't around, her mother would have been institutionalized ages ago.....

    She works hard to take care of her mom's needs.

    It hasn't really interfered with me musically.........but it's just so damn hard to carry on a conversation with these people anymore.........