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Why bass is hard to learn

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by JohnBarr, Oct 20, 2005.

  1. JohnBarr


    Mar 19, 2004
    Central NY
    I posted this on another thread, it's supposed to be funny, so I'm posting it here too.

    Is theory hard to understand? No more so than the guitar itself. Consider this:

    Ask anyone to name the strings and they'll say: EADG
    So which is the first string? G
    --even though it looks like the last string

    And which is the high string? G
    --even though it's the lowest one down on the guitar

    Then there is whole neck thing. Play up high on the neck and you're playing down close to the body. To play the lowest notes you gotta move, err..., up high on the neck. You need to get this down pat because everyone will tell you that "there is no money above the 5th fret" and you risk financial ruin you miss the boat on this.
    -.. and don't get boat confused with "bout" either, inspite of what some microcephalic individuals will say about your guitar being a canoe paddle.

    Even though the neck of the guitar is long and skinny and the strings end there, if your guitar has a "tailpiece", it's at the fat end, where the strings begin.

    You will probably be taught to play your bass "finger style", and yet your bass guitar will have a pick guard. Don't ask.

    It's OK to call your guitar an electric bass unless you talk to someone who plays an upright bass, URB, (AKA bass fiddle, sometimes: Doghouse) then what you play is either a BG or an EBG but never and in no case an EUB, which is another kind of B altogether.

    If your guitar has a hole someplace on the top of it, it's probably an acoustic bass guitar, ABG. Even if it's electric (AKA semi-acoustic) it's still called a ABG. Unless it's a hollowbody, in which case it's a BG. But an ABG is never called a hollowbody, even though it has a hollow body and may be electric.

    The URB may be wired for sound too, although it is never called a simi-acoustic URB, an or even an EUB. But if you were wondering if there is a ARB or AURB the answer is No.

    Please learn to talk about fingering while keeping a straight face. And don't talk to non-bass players about your right hand technique.

    If you want to stay sane, stay focused on the instrument. When you see discussion about bass and scales, try not to think about fish, that way madness lies.

    And you are worried about music theory? Sort this out first. Then figure out why something completely aural is called chromatic, why modern scales have names like ancient Persian satrapies and why a sixteenth note rest isn't just called a hiccup.

  2. Petary791


    Feb 20, 2005
    Michigan, USA
    My brain hurt just reading that.
  3. I concur. Funny tho'
  4. Dream Works

    Dream Works

    Dec 5, 2003
    The EADG and high/not high things make sense to me. When you play high on the neck you play high notes. o_o
    Maybe I'm weird. Or maybe you're weird.