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Why God created children...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Frank Martin, Apr 17, 2005.


  1. Frank Martin

    Frank Martin Bitten by the luthiery bug...

    Oct 8, 2001
    Budapest, Hungary, EU
    I got this some time ago, but always forgot to post it here.

    ***Warning: the following post is christian humor. If it offends your views in any way, please do not read further.***

    WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)


    To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

    After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

    "Don't what?" Adam replied.

    "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

    "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

    "No Way!"

    "Yes, way!"

    "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

    "Why"

    "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

    "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

    "Uh huh," Adam replied.

    "Then why did you?" said the Father.

    "I don't know," said Eve.

    "She started it!" Adam said

    "Did not!"

    "Did too!"

    "DID NOT!"

    Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

    BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

    If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

    If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

    THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

    1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

    2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

    3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

    4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said in the first place.

    5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

    6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

    7. Just when you redecorate their room into a nice TV room, they show up with boxes, suitcases and large dogs, to move back home.

    ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

    Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

    AND FINALLY:

    IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

    "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!


    Quick, send this on to 10 people within the next 5 minutes. Nothing will happen if you don't, but if you do, 10 people will be laughing.
     
  2. Mankind

    Mankind

    Oct 20, 2003
    England
    It's so true..... *heh heh heh*
     
  3. MAJOR METAL

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    Thats pretty funny , thanks for posting. :)
     
  4. Children are a source of indentured servitude.

    Now go outside and scoop poop while I watch the History Channel.
     
  5. Basshole

    Basshole Banned

    Jan 28, 2005
    Thanks for the warning. I did choose to scroll past your post after reading the warning, but I would like nonetheless to thank you for being respectful of other people's beliefs.

    I wish more people here would be as respectful as you have been.

    Thanks!
     
  6. lolvery funny , props to on the warning , i wasnt offended at all and laughed quite loudly even though i dont have children!!
     
  7. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    Not that I was offened or anythig buyt the point of the rules on this forum, to my understanding, is that you're not allowed to post a thread like this because it MAY BE offensive to others.
     
  8. awww........c'mon it's a cute little story worth a chuckle.

    That a warning about content was even thought to be needed for something like this is a sad commentary on the current state of our society. :meh: I'm sure all the warning did, no matter how well intentioned it was, was to peak someones activist curiosity and prod some people into looking for something in the content to be offended by.

    I enjoy TB very, very much, and appreciate that all of its content can be viewed by anybody in my family. For TB to have kept its values intact for so long, speaks very well of the Mods and of the community itself. However to worry about the "PCness" of something like this cute little story is silly.

    So instead of turning this thread into a debate about TB policy or "Political Correctness" and worrying that someone might get their feelings hurt, just enjoy it (or don't) and move on to the next thread. :D

    ............Jim

    A quick note to the Mods. If anything in my little rant violates board policy , I appologize for the violation.
     
  9. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Hah! That's good. I know a few people I should send that to. Including my own parents.
     
  10. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    I didn't say it was or it wasen't.

    "So instead of turning this thread into a debate about TB policy or "Political Correctness" and worrying that someone might get their feelings hurt, just enjoy it (or don't) and move on to the next thread. :D "

    That could be said about every controversial topic, can't it?

    Point being, starting a thread assuming you're going to offend someone is silly. :)
     

  11. +Infinity :hyper:



    ...............Jim

    P.S. couldn't have said it better myself!
     
  12. No, I think it's a rather incisive view based on a LOT of previous TB history. The chances he wouldn't offend were way down in this pool.
     
  13. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    Again, I didn't say I was offended nor do I think this will offend anyone.

    I have 2 children of my own and I relate to every single sentence!!!! and it's funny too!!!!

    All I'm saying is, "I'm just saying" :)
     
  14. ((ZASDER))

    ((ZASDER))

    Feb 26, 2005
    Buffalo NY
    I dont want kids now. :bag:
     
  15. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    You see what I mean. ZASDER is SOOOOO offended, he dosen't want children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!















    :bag:
     

  16. kinda sad ain't it? :meh: , that someone might truly be offended by something as simple as the original post......... Something that, even without the disclaimer, is obviously as harmless as a sneeze in a windstorm.

    I need to say that I never thought that Nino was offended by the post. I just thought it a bit silly that we would even have to go down this road. Especially, considering that there are many things in life to be truly offended by, and even mentioning many of them would be an instant, and severe violation of board policy, and probably rightly so too.



    ................Jim
     
  17. ((ZASDER))

    ((ZASDER))

    Feb 26, 2005
    Buffalo NY

    Im not offended...Never said that...

    I just dont want kids becasue Im 16. Maybe sometime in the future
     
  18. Marlat

    Marlat

    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    I am not even sure why this is "Christian Humour" I mean, does any joke that involves God or a priest automatically make it Christian humour?

    This is surely one of the most bizarre "joke" threads ever. I'm quietly confident that non-religous people and those who adhere to evolution based theories probably can have a laugh at an Adam and Eve joke.
     

  19. :D AMEN! :D (d'oh!)


    Oh, and, ((ZASDER))..... I am fairly confident that Nino's quoting you was just done in jest to make a point. :cool:


    ..........Jim
     
  20. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    It was a joke. :) LOL